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The Annals of the Parish

by John Galt

May, 1998  [Etext #1310]


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ANNALS OF THE PARISH
Or The Chronicle of Dalmailing during the ministry of the Rev. Micah
Balwhidder.  Written by himself and arranged and edited by John Galt




INTRODUCTION



In the same year, and on the same day of the same month, that his
Sacred Majesty King George, the third of the name, came to his crown
and kingdom, I was placed and settled as the minister of Dalmailing.
{1}  When about a week thereafter this was known in the parish, it
was thought a wonderful thing, and everybody spoke of me and the new
king as united in our trusts and temporalities, marvelling how the
same should come to pass, and thinking the hand of Providence was in
it, and that surely we were preordained to fade and flourish in
fellowship together; which has really been the case:  for in the
same season that his Most Excellent Majesty, as he was very properly
styled in the proclamations for the general fasts and thanksgivings,
was set by as a precious vessel which had received a crack or a
flaw, and could only be serviceable in the way of an ornament, I was
obliged, by reason of age and the growing infirmities of my
recollection, to consent to the earnest entreaties of the Session,
and to accept of Mr Amos to be my helper.  I was long reluctant to
do so; but the great respect that my people had for me, and the love
that I bore towards them, over and above the sign that was given to
me in the removal of the royal candle-stick from its place, worked
upon my heart and understanding, and I could not stand out.  So, on
the last Sabbath of the year 1810, I preached my last sermon, and it
was a moving discourse.  There were few dry eyes in the kirk that
day; for I had been with the aged from the beginning--the young
considered me as their natural pastor--and my bidding them all
farewell was, as when of old among the heathen, an idol was taken
away by the hands of the enemy.

At the close of the worship, and before the blessing, I addressed
them in a fatherly manner; and, although the kirk was fuller than
ever I saw it before, the fall of a pin might have been heard--at
the conclusion there was a sobbing and much sorrow.  I said,

"My dear friends, I have now finished my work among you for ever.  I
have often spoken to you from this place the words of truth and
holiness; and, had it been in poor frail human nature to practise
the advice and counselling that I have given in this pulpit to you,
there would not need to be any cause for sorrow on this occasion--
the close and latter end of my ministry.  But, nevertheless, I have
no reason to complain; and it will be my duty to testify, in that
place where I hope we are all one day to meet again, that I found
you a docile and a tractable flock, far more than at first I could
have expected.  There are among you still a few, but with grey heads
and feeble hands now, that can remember the great opposition that
was made to my placing, and the stout part they themselves took in
the burly, because I was appointed by the patron; but they have
lived to see the error of their way, and to know that preaching is
the smallest portion of the duties of a faithful minister.  I may
not, my dear friends, have applied my talent in the pulpit so
effectually as perhaps I might have done, considering the gifts that
it pleased God to give me in that way, and the education that I had
in the Orthodox University of Glasgow, as it was in the time of my
youth; nor can I say that, in the works of peace-making and charity,
I have done all that I should have done.  But I have done my best,
studying no interest but the good that was to rise according to the
faith in Christ Jesus.

"To my young friends I would, as a parting word, say, look to the
lives and conversation of your parents--they were plain, honest, and
devout Christians, fearing God and honouring the King.  They
believed the Bible was the word of God; and, when they practised its
precepts, they found, by the good that came from them, that it was
truly so.  They bore in mind the tribulation and persecution of
their forefathers for righteousness' sake, and were thankful for the
quiet and protection of the government in their day and generation.
Their land was tilled with industry, and they ate the bread of
carefulness with a contented spirit, and, verily, they had the
reward of well-doing even in this world; for they beheld on all
sides the blessing of God upon the nation, and the tree growing, and
the plough going where the banner of the oppressor was planted of
old, and the war-horse trampled in the blood of martyrs.  Reflect on
this, my young friends, and know, that the best part of a
Christian's duty in this world of much evil, is to thole and suffer
with resignation, as lang as it is possible for human nature to do.
I do not counsel passive obedience:  that is a doctrine that the
Church of Scotland can never abide; but the divine right of
resistance, which, in the days of her trouble, she so bravely
asserted against popish and prelatic usurpations, was never resorted
to till the attempt was made to remove the ark of the tabernacle
from her.  I therefore counsel you, my young friends, not to lend
your ears to those that trumpet forth their hypothetical politics;
but to believe that the laws of the land are administered with a
good intent, till in your own homes and dwellings ye feel the
presence of the oppressor--then, and not till then, are ye free to
gird your loins for battle--and woe to him, and woe to the land
where that is come to, if the sword be sheathed till the wrong be
redressed.

"As for you, my old companions, many changes have we seen in our
day; but the change that we ourselves are soon to undergo will be
the greatest of all.  We have seen our bairns grow to manhood--we
have seen the beauty of youth pass away--we have felt our backs
become unable for the burthen, and our right hand forget its
cunning.--Our eyes have become dim, and our heads grey--we are now
tottering with short and feckless steps towards the grave; and some,
that should have been here this day, are bed-rid, lying, as it were,
at the gates of death, like Lazarus at the threshold of the rich
man's door, full of ails and sores, and having no enjoyment but in
the hope that is in hereafter.  What can I say to you but farewell!
Our work is done--we are weary and worn out, and in need of rest--
may the rest of the blessed be our portion!--and in the sleep that
all must sleep, beneath the cold blanket of the kirkyard grass, and
on that clay pillow where we must shortly lay our heads, may we have
pleasant dreams, till we are awakened to partake of the everlasting
banquet of the saints in glory!"

When I had finished, there was for some time a great solemnity
throughout the kirk; and, before giving the blessing, I sat down to
compose myself, for my heart was big, and my spirit oppressed with
sadness.

As I left the pulpit, all the elders stood on the steps to hand me
down, and the tear was in every eye, and they helped me into the
session-house; but I could not speak to them, nor them to me.  Then
Mr Dalziel, who was always a composed and sedate man, said a few
words of prayer, and I was comforted therewith, and rose to go home
to the manse; but in the churchyard all the congregation was
assembled, young and old, and they made a lane for me to the back-
yett that opened into the manse-garden--Some of them put out their
hands and touched me as I passed, followed by the elders, and some
of them wept.  It was as if I was passing away, and to be no more--
verily, it was the reward of my ministry--a faithful account of
which, year by year, I now sit down, in the evening of my days, to
make up, to the end that I may bear witness to the work of a
beneficent Providence, even in the narrow sphere of my parish, and
the concerns of that flock of which it was His most gracious
pleasure to make me the unworthy shepherd.



CHAPTER I  YEAR 1760



The Anno Domini one thousand seven hundred and sixty, was remarkable
for three things in the parish of Dalmailing.--First and foremost,
there was my placing; then the coming of Mrs Malcolm with her five
children to settle among us; and next, my marriage upon my own
cousin, Miss Betty Lanshaw, by which the account of this year
naturally divides itself into three heads or portions.

First, of the placing.--It was a great affair; for I was put in by
the patron, and the people knew nothing whatsoever of me, and their
hearts were stirred into strife on the occasion, and they did all
that lay within the compass of their power to keep me out, insomuch,
that there was obliged to be a guard of soldiers to protect the
presbytery; and it was a thing that made my heart grieve when I
heard the drum beating and the fife playing as we were going to the
kirk.  The people were really mad and vicious, and flung dirt upon
us as we passed, and reviled us all, and held out the finger of
scorn at me; but I endured it with a resigned spirit,
compassionating their wilfulness and blindness.  Poor old Mr
Kilfuddy of the Braehill got such a clash of glar on the side of his
face, that his eye was almost extinguished.

When we got to the kirk door, it was found to be nailed up, so as by
no possibility to be opened.  The sergeant of the soldiers wanted to
break it, but I was afraid that the heritors would grudge and
complain of the expense of a new door, and I supplicated him to let
it be as it was:  we were, therefore, obligated to go in by a
window, and the crowd followed us in the most unreverent manner,
making the Lord's house like an inn on a fair day, with their
grievous yellyhooing.  During the time of the psalm and the sermon,
they behaved themselves better, but when the induction came on,
their clamour was dreadful; and Thomas Thorl, the weaver, a pious
zealot in that time, he got up and protested, and said, "Verily,
verily, I say unto you, he that entereth not by the door into the
sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a
robber."  And I thought I would have a hard and sore time of it with
such an outstrapolous people.  Mr Given, that was then the minister
of Lugton, was a jocose man, and would have his joke even at a
solemnity.  When the laying of the hands upon me was adoing, he
could not get near enough to put on his, but he stretched out his
staff and touched my head, and said, to the great diversion of the
rest, "This will do well enough, timber to timber;" but it was an
unfriendly saying of Mr Given, considering the time and the place,
and the temper of my people.

After the ceremony, we then got out at the window, and it was a
heavy day to me; but we went to the manse, and there we had an
excellent dinner, which Mrs Watts of the new inns of Irville {2}
prepared at my request, and sent her chaise-driver to serve, for he
was likewise her waiter, she having then but one chaise, and that no
often called for.

But, although my people received me in this unruly manner, I was
resolved to cultivate civility among them, and therefore, the very
next morning I began a round of visitations; but, oh! it was a steep
brae that I had to climb, and it needed a stout heart.  For I found
the doors in some places barred against me; in others, the bairns,
when they saw me coming, ran crying to their mothers, "Here's the
feckless Mess-John!" and then, when I went into the houses, their
parents wouldna ask me to sit down, but with a scornful way, said,
"Honest man, what's your pleasure here?"  Nevertheless, I walked
about from door to door like a dejected beggar, till I got the
almous deed of a civil reception--and who would have thought it?--
from no less a person than the same Thomas Thorl that was so bitter
against me in the kirk on the foregoing day.

Thomas was standing at the door with his green duffle apron, and his
red Kilmarnock nightcap--I mind him as well as if it was but
yesterday--and he had seen me going from house to house, and in what
manner I was rejected, and his bowels were moved, and he said to me
in a kind manner, "Come in, sir, and ease yoursel':  this will never
do, the clergy are God's gorbies, and for their Master's sake it
behoves us to respect them.  There was no ane in the whole parish
mair against you than mysel'; but this early visitation is a symptom
of grace that I couldna have expectit from a bird out the nest of
patronage."  I thanked Thomas, and went in with him, and we had some
solid conversation together, and I told him that it was not so much
the pastor's duty to feed the flock, as to herd them well; and that,
although there might be some abler with the head than me, there
wasna a he within the bounds of Scotland more willing to watch the
fold by night and by day.  And Thomas said he had not heard a mair
sound observe for some time, and that, if I held to that doctrine in
the poopit, it wouldna be lang till I would work a change.--"I was
mindit," quoth he, "never to set my foot within the kirk door while
you were there; but to testify, and no to condemn without a trial,
I'll be there next Lord's day, and egg my neighbours to be likewise,
so ye'll no have to preach just to the bare walls and the laird's
family."

I have now to speak of the coming of Mrs Malcolm.--She was the widow
of a Clyde shipmaster, that was lost at sea with his vessel.  She
was a genty body, calm and methodical.  From morning to night she
sat at her wheel, spinning the finest lint, which suited well with
her pale hands.  She never changed her widow's weeds, and she was
aye as if she had just been ta'en out of a bandbox.  The tear was
aften in her e'e when the bairns were at the school; but when they
came home, her spirit was lighted up with gladness, although, poor
woman, she had many a time very little to give them.  They were,
however, wonderful well-bred things, and took with thankfulness
whatever she set before them; for they knew that their father, the
breadwinner, was away, and that she had to work sore for their bit
and drap.  I dare say, the only vexation that ever she had from any
of them, on their own account, was when Charlie, the eldest laddie,
had won fourpence at pitch-and-toss at the school, which he brought
home with a proud heart to his mother.  I happened to be daunrin' by
at the time, and just looked in at the door to say gude-night:  it
was a sad sight.  There was she sitting with the silent tear on her
cheek, and Charlie greeting as if he had done a great fault, and the
other four looking on with sorrowful faces.  Never, I am sure, did
Charlie Malcolm gamble after that night.

I often wondered what brought Mrs Malcolm to our clachan, instead of
going to a populous town, where she might have taken up a huxtry-
shop, as she was but of a silly constitution, the which would have
been better for her than spinning from morning to far in the night,
as if she was in verity drawing the thread of life.  But it was, no
doubt, from an honest pride to hide her poverty; for when her
daughter Effie was ill with the measles--the poor lassie was very
ill--nobody thought she could come through, and when she did get the
turn, she was for many a day a heavy handful;--our session being
rich, and nobody on it but cripple Tammy Daidles, that was at that
time known through all the country side for begging on a horse, I
thought it my duty to call upon Mrs Malcolm in a sympathising way,
and offer her some assistance, but she refused it.

"No, sir," said she, "I canna take help from the poor's-box,
although it's very true that I am in great need; for it might
hereafter be cast up to my bairns, whom it may please God to restore
to better circumstances when I am no to see't; but I would fain
borrow five pounds, and if, sir, you will write to Mr Maitland, that
is now the Lord Provost of Glasgow, and tell him that Marion Shaw
would be obliged to him for the lend of that soom, I think he will
not fail to send it."

I wrote the letter that night to Provost Maitland, and, by the
retour of the post, I got an answer, with twenty pounds for Mrs
Malcolm, saying, "That it was with sorrow he heard so small a trifle
could be serviceable."  When I took the letter and the money, which
was in a bank-bill, she said, "This is just like himsel'."  She then
told me that Mr Maitland had been a gentleman's son of the east
country, but driven out of his father's house, when a laddie, by his
stepmother; and that he had served as a servant lad with her father,
who was the Laird of Yillcogie, but ran through his estate, and left
her, his only daughter, in little better than beggary with her
auntie, the mother of Captain Malcolm, her husband that was.
Provost Maitland in his servitude had ta'en a notion of her; and
when he recovered his patrimony, and had become a great Glasgow
merchant, on hearing how she was left by her father, he offered to
marry her, but she had promised herself to her cousin the captain,
whose widow she was.  He then married a rich lady, and in time grew,
as he was, Lord Provost of the city; but his letter with the twenty
pounds to me, showed that he had not forgotten his first love.  It
was a short, but a well-written letter, in a fair hand of write,
containing much of the true gentleman; and Mrs Malcolm said, "Who
knows but out of the regard he once had for their mother, he may do
something for my five helpless orphans."

Thirdly, Upon the subject of taking my cousin, Miss Betty Lanshaw,
for my first wife, I have little to say.--It was more out of a
compassionate habitual affection, than the passion of love.  We were
brought up by our grandmother in the same house, and it was a thing
spoken of from the beginning, that Betty and me were to be married.
So, when she heard that the Laird of Breadland had given me the
presentation of Dalmailing, she began to prepare for the wedding;
and as soon as the placing was well over, and the manse in order, I
gaed to Ayr, where she was, and we were quietly married, and came
home in a chaise, bringing with us her little brother Andrew, that
died in the East Indies, and he lived and was brought up by us.

Now, this is all, I think, that happened in that year worthy of
being mentioned, except that at the sacrament, when old Mr Kilfuddy
was preaching in the tent, it came on such a thunder-plump, that
there was not a single soul stayed in the kirkyard to hear him; for
the which he was greatly mortified, and never after came to our
preachings.



CHAPTER II  YEAR 1761



It was in this year that the great smuggling trade corrupted all the
west coast, especially the laigh lands about the Troon and the
Loans.  The tea was going like the chaff, the brandy like well-
water, and the wastrie of all things was terrible.  There was
nothing minded but the riding of cadgers by day, and excisemen by
night--and battles between the smugglers and the king's men, both by
sea and land.  There was a continual drunkenness and debauchery; and
our session, that was but on the lip of this whirlpool of iniquity,
had an awful time o't.  I did all that was in the power of nature to
keep my people from the contagion:  I preached sixteen times from
the text, "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's."  I
visited, and I exhorted; I warned, and I prophesied; I told them
that, although the money came in like sclate stones, it would go
like the snow off the dyke.  But for all I could do, the evil got in
among us, and we had no less than three contested bastard bairns
upon our hands at one time, which was a thing never heard of in a
parish of the shire of Ayr since the Reformation.  Two of the
bairns, after no small sifting and searching, we got fathered at
last; but the third, that was by Meg Glaiks, and given to one Rab
Rickerton, was utterly refused, though the fact was not denied; but
he was a termagant fellow, and snappit his fingers at the elders.
The next day he listed in the Scotch Greys, who were then quartered
at Ayr, and we never heard more of him, but thought he had been
slain in battle, till one of the parish, about three years since,
went up to London to lift a legacy from a cousin that died among the
Hindoos.  When he was walking about, seeing the curiosities, and
among others Chelsea Hospital, he happened to speak to some of the
invalids, who found out from his tongue that he was a Scotchman; and
speaking to the invalids, one of them, a very old man, with a grey
head and a leg of timber, inquired what part of Scotland he was come
from; and when he mentioned my parish, the invalid gave a great
shout, and said he was from the same place himself; and who should
this old man be, but the very identical Rab Rickerton, that was art
and part in Meg Glaiks' disowned bairn.  Then they had a long
converse together, and he had come through many hardships, but had
turned out a good soldier; and so, in his old days, was an indoor
pensioner, and very comfortable; and he said that he had, to be
sure, spent his youth in the devil's service, and his manhood in the
king's, but his old age was given to that of his Maker, which I was
blithe and thankful to hear; and he enquired about many a one in the
parish, the blooming and the green of his time, but they were all
dead and buried; and he had a contrite and penitent spirit, and read
his Bible every day, delighting most in the Book of Joshua, the
Chronicles, and the Kings.

Before this year, the drinking of tea was little known in the
parish, saving among a few of the heritors' houses on a Sabbath
evening; but now it became very rife:  yet the commoner sort did not
like to let it be known that they were taking to the new luxury,
especially the elderly women, who, for that reason, had their ploys
in out-houses and by-places, just as the witches lang syne had their
sinful possets and galravitchings; and they made their tea for
common in the pint-stoup, and drank it out of caps and luggies, for
there were but few among them that had cups and saucers.  Well do I
remember one night in harvest, in this very year, as I was taking my
twilight dauner aneath the hedge along the back side of Thomas
Thorl's yard, meditating on the goodness of Providence, and looking
at the sheaves of victual on the field, that I heard his wife, and
two three other carlins, with their Bohea in the inside of the
hedge, and no doubt but it had a lacing of the conek, {3} for they
were all cracking like pen-guns.  But I gave them a sign, by a loud
host, that Providence sees all, and it skailed the bike; for I heard
them, like guilty creatures, whispering, and gathering up their
truck-pots and trenchers, and cowering away home.

It was in this year that Patrick Dilworth (he had been schoolmaster
of the parish from the time, as his wife said, of Anna Regina, and
before the Rexes came to the crown), was disabled by a paralytic,
and the heritors, grudging the cost of another schoolmaster as long
as he lived, would not allow the session to get his place supplied,
which was a wrong thing, I must say, of them; for the children of
the parishioners were obliged, therefore, to go to the neighbouring
towns for their schooling, and the custom was to take a piece of
bread and cheese in their pockets for dinner, and to return in the
evening always voracious for more, the long walk helping the natural
crave of their young appetites.  In this way Mrs Malcolm's two
eldest laddies, Charlie and Robert, were wont to go to Irville, and
it was soon seen that they kept themselves aloof from the other
callans in the clachan, and had a genteeler turn than the grulshy
bairns of the cottars.  Her bit lassies, Kate and Effie, were better
off; for some years before, Nanse Banks had taken up a teaching in a
garret-room of a house, at the corner where John Bayne has biggit
the sclate-house for his grocery-shop.  Nanse learnt them reading
and working stockings, and how to sew the semplar, for twal-pennies
a-week.  She was a patient creature, well cut out for her calling,
with blear een, a pale face, and a long neck, but meek and contented
withal, tholing the dule of this world with a Christian submission
of the spirit; and her garret-room was a cordial of cleanliness, for
she made the scholars set the house in order, time and time about,
every morning; and it was a common remark for many a day, that the
lassies, who had been at Nanse Banks's school, were always well
spoken of, both for their civility, and the trigness of their houses
when they were afterwards married.  In short, I do not know, that in
all the long epoch of my ministry, any individual body did more to
improve the ways of the parishioners, in their domestic concerns,
than did that worthy and innocent creature, Nanse Banks, the
schoolmistress; and she was a great loss when she was removed, as it
is to be hoped, to a better world; but anent this I shall have to
speak more at large hereafter.

It was in this year that my patron, the Laird of Breadland, departed
this life, and I preached his funeral sermon; but he was non-beloved
in the parish; for my people never forgave him for putting me upon
them, although they began to be more on a familiar footing with
myself.  This was partly owing to my first wife, Betty Lanshaw, who
was an active throughgoing woman, and wonderfu' useful to many of
the cottars' wives at their lying-in; and when a death happened
among them, her helping hand, and any thing we had at the manse, was
never wanting; and I went about myself to the bedsides of the frail,
leaving no stone unturned to win the affections of my people, which,
by the blessing of the Lord, in process of time, was brought to a
bearing.

But a thing happened in this year, which deserves to be recorded, as
manifesting what effect the smuggling was beginning to take in the
morals of the country side.  One Mr Macskipnish, of Highland
parentage, who had been a valet-de-chambre with a major in the
campaigns, and taken a prisoner with him by the French, he having
come home in a cartel, took up a dancing-school at Irville, the
which art he had learnt in the genteelest fashion, in the mode of
Paris, at the French court.  Such a thing as a dancing-school had
never, in the memory of man, been known in our country side; and
there was such a sound about the steps and cottillions of Mr
Macskipnish, that every lad and lass, that could spare time and
siller, went to him, to the great neglect of their work.  The very
bairns on the loan, instead of their wonted play, gaed linking and
louping in the steps of Mr Macskipnish, who was, to be sure, a great
curiosity, with long spindle legs, his breast shot out like a
duck's, and his head powdered and frizzled up like a tappit-hen.  He
was, indeed, the proudest peacock that could be seen, and he had a
ring on his finger, and when he came to drink his tea at the
Breadland, he brought no hat on his head, but a droll cockit thing
under his arm, which, he said, was after the manner of the courtiers
at the petty suppers of one Madam Pompadour, who was at that time
the concubine of the French king.

I do not recollect any other remarkable thing that happened in this
year.  The harvest was very abundant, and the meal so cheap, that it
caused a great defect in my stipend; so that I was obligated to
postpone the purchase of a mahogany scrutoire for my study, as I had
intended.  But I had not the heart to complain of this:  on the
contrary, I rejoiced thereat; for what made me want my scrutoire
till another year, had carried blitheness into the hearth of the
cottar, and made the widow's heart sing with joy; and I would have
been an unnatural creature, had I not joined in the universal
gladness, because plenty did abound.



CHAPTER III  YEAR 1762



The third year of my ministry was long held in remembrance for
several very memorable things.  William Byres of the Loanhead had a
cow that calved two calves at one calving; Mrs Byres, the same year,
had twins, male and female; and there was such a crop on his fields,
testifying that the Lord never sends a mouth into the world without
providing meat for it.  But what was thought a very daunting sign of
something, happened on the Sacrament Sabbath at the conclusion of
the action sermon, when I had made a very suitable discourse.  The
day was tempestuous, and the wind blew with such a pith and birr,
that I thought it would have twirled the trees in the kirkyard out
by the roots, and, blowing in this manner, it tirled the thack from
the rigging of the manse stable; and the same blast that did that,
took down the lead that was on the kirk-roof, which hurled off, as I
was saying, at the conclusion of the action sermon, with such a
dreadful sound, as the like was never heard, and all the
congregation thought that it betokened a mutation to me.  However,
nothing particular happened to me; but the smallpox came in among
the weans of the parish, and the smashing that it made of the poor
bits o' bairns was indeed woeful.

One Sabbath, when the pestilence was raging, I preached a sermon
about Rachel weeping for her children, which Thomas Thorl, who was
surely a great judge of good preaching, said, "was a monument of
divinity whilk searched the heart of many a parent that day;" a
thing I was well pleased to hear, for Thomas, as I have related at
length, was the most zealous champion against my getting the parish;
but, from this time, I set him down in my mind for the next vacancy
among the elders.  Worthy man! it was not permitted him to arrive at
that honour.  In the fall of that year he took an income in his
legs, and couldna go about, and was laid up for the remainder of his
days, a perfect Lazarus, by the fire-side.  But he was well
supported in his affliction.  In due season, when it pleased Him
that alone can give and take, to pluck him from this life, as the
fruit ripened and ready for the gathering, his death, to all that
knew him, was a gentle dispensation, for truly he had been in sore
trouble.

It was in this year that Charlie Malcolm, Mrs Malcolm's eldest son,
was sent to be a cabin-boy in the Tobacco trader, a three-masted
ship, that sailed between Port-Glasgow and Virginia in America.  She
was commanded by Captain Dickie, an Irville man; for at that time
the Clyde was supplied with the best sailors from our coast, the
coal-trade with Ireland being a better trade for bringing up good
mariners than the long voyages in the open sea; which was the
reason, as I often heard said, why the Clyde shipping got so many of
their men from our country side.  The going to sea of Charlie
Malcolm was, on divers accounts, a very remarkable thing to us all;
for he was the first that ever went from our parish, in the memory
of man, to be a sailor, and everybody was concerned at it, and some
thought it was a great venture of his mother to let him, his father
having been lost at sea.  But what could the forlorn widow do?  She
had five weans, and little to give them; and, as she herself said,
he was aye in the hand of his Maker, go where he might; and the will
of God would be done, in spite of all earthly wiles and devices to
the contrary.

On the Monday morning, when Charlie was to go away to meet the
Irville carrier on the road, we were all up, and I walked by myself
from the manse into the clachan to bid him farewell, and I met him
just coming from his mother's door, as blithe as a bee, in his
sailor's dress, with a stick, and a bundle tied in a Barcelona silk
handkerchief hanging o'er his shoulder, and his two little brothers
were with him, and his sisters, Kate and Effie, looking out from the
door all begreeten; but his mother was in the house, praying to the
Lord to protect her orphan, as she afterwards told me.  All the
weans of the clachan were gathered at the kirkyard yett to see him
pass, and they gave him three great shouts as he was going by; and
everybody was at their doors, and said something encouraging to him;
but there was a great laugh when auld Mizy Spaewell came hirpling
with her bauchle in her hand, and flung it after him for good-luck.
Mizy had a wonderful faith in freats, and was just an oracle of
sagacity at expounding dreams, and bodes of every sort and
description--besides, she was reckoned one of the best howdies in
her day; but by this time she was grown frail and feckless, and she
died the same year on Hallowe'en, which made everybody wonder that
it should have so fallen out for her to die on Hallowe'en.

Shortly after the departure of Charlie Malcolm, the Lady of
Breadland, with her three daughters, removed to Edinburgh, where the
young laird, that had been my pupil, was learning to be an advocate,
and the Breadland-house was set to Major Gilchrist, a nabob from
India; but he was a narrow ailing man, and his maiden-sister, Miss
Girzie, was the scrimpetest creature that could be; so that, in
their hands, all the pretty policy of the Breadlands, that had cost
a power of money to the old laird that was my patron, fell into
decay and disorder; and the bonny yew-trees that were cut into the
shape of peacocks, soon grew out of all shape, and are now doleful
monuments of the major's tack, and that of Lady Skimmilk, as Miss
Girzie Gilchrist, his sister, was nick-named by every ane that kent
her.

But it was not so much on account of the neglect of the Breadland,
that the incoming of Major Gilchrist was to be deplored.  The old
men that had a light labour in keeping the policy in order, were
thrown out of bread, and could do little; and the poor women that
whiles got a bit and a drap from the kitchen of the family, soon
felt the change, so that by little and little we were obligated to
give help from the session; insomuch that, before the end of the
year, I was necessitated to preach a discourse on almsgiving,
specially for the benefit of our own poor, a thing never before
known in the parish.

But one good thing came from the Gilchrists to Mrs Malcolm.  Miss
Girzie, whom they called Lady Skimmilk, had been in a very penurious
way as a seamstress, in the Gorbals of Glasgow, while her brother
was making the fortune in India, and she was a clever needle-woman--
none better, as it was said; and she, having some things to make,
took Kate Malcolm to help her in the coarse work; and Kate, being a
nimble and birky thing, was so useful to the lady, and the
complaining man the major, that they invited her to stay with them
at the Breadland for the winter, where, although she was holden to
her seam from morning to night, her food lightened the hand of her
mother, who, for the first time since her coming into the parish,
found the penny for the day's darg more than was needed for the
meal-basin; and the tea-drinking was beginning to spread more
openly, insomuch that, by the advice of the first Mrs Balwhidder,
Mrs Malcolm took in tea to sell, and in this way was enabled to eke
something to the small profits of her wheel.  Thus the tide that had
been so long ebbing to her, began to turn; and here I am bound in
truth to say, that although I never could abide the smuggling, both
on its own account, and the evils that grew therefrom to the country
side, I lost some of my dislike to the tea after Mrs Malcolm began
to traffic in it, and we then had it for our breakfast in the
morning at the manse, as well as in the afternoon.  But what I
thought most of it for was, that it did no harm to the head of the
drinkers, which was not always the case with the possets that were
in fashion before.  There is no meeting now in the summer evenings,
as I remember often happened in my younger days, with decent ladies
coming home with red faces, tosy and cosh, from a posset-masking;
so, both for its temperance and on account of Mrs Malcolm's sale, I
refrained from the November in this year to preach against tea; but
I never lifted the weight of my displeasure from off the smuggling
trade, until it was utterly put down by the strong hand of
government.

There was no other thing of note in this year, saving only that I
planted in the garden the big pear-tree, which had the two great
branches that we call the Adam and Eve.  I got the plant, then a
sapling, from Mr Graft, that was Lord Eaglesham's head-gardener; and
he said it was, as indeed all the parish now knows well, a most
juicy sweet pear, such as was not known in Scotland till my lord
brought down the father plant from the king's garden in London, in
the forty-five when he went up to testify his loyalty to the House
of Hanover.



CHAPTER IV  YEAR 1763



The An. Dom. 1763, was, in many a respect, a memorable year, both in
public and in private.  The King granted peace to the French, and
Charlie Malcolm, that went to sea in the Tobacco trader, came home
to see his mother.  The ship, after being at America, had gone down
to Jamaica, an island in the West Indies, with a cargo of live
lumber, as Charlie told me himself, and had come home with more than
a hundred and fifty hoggits of sugar, and sixty-three puncheons full
of rum; for she was, by all accounts, a stately galley, and almost
two hundred tons in the burthen, being the largest vessel then
sailing from the creditable town of Port-Glasgow.  Charlie was not
expected; and his coming was a great thing to us all, so I will
mention the whole particulars.

One evening, towards the gloaming, as I was taking my walk of
meditation, I saw a brisk sailor laddie coming towards me.  He had a
pretty green parrot sitting on a bundle, tied in a Barcelona silk
handkerchief, which he carried with a stick over his shoulder, and
in this bundle was a wonderful big nut, such as no one in our parish
had ever seen.  It was called a cocker-nut.  This blithe callant was
Charlie Malcolm, who had come all the way that day his leeful lane,
on his own legs from Greenock, where the Tobacco trader was then
'livering her cargo.  I told him how his mother, and his brothers,
and his sisters were all in good health, and went to convoy him
home; and as we were going along, he told me many curious things,
and he gave me six beautiful yellow limes, that he had brought in
his pouch all the way across the seas, for me to make a bowl of
punch with, and I thought more of them than if they had been golden
guineas, it was so mindful of the laddie.

When we got to the door of his mother's house, she was sitting at
the fireside, with her three other bairns at their bread and milk,
Kate being then with Lady Skimmilk, at the Breadland, sewing.  It
was between the day and dark, when the shuttle stands still till the
lamp is lighted.  But such a shout of joy and thankfulness as rose
from that hearth, when Charlie went in!  The very parrot, ye would
have thought, was a participator, for the beast gied a skraik that
made my whole head dirl; and the neighbours came flying and flocking
to see what was the matter, for it was the first parrot ever seen
within the bounds of the parish, and some thought it was but a
foreign hawk, with a yellow head and green feathers.

In the midst of all this, Effie Malcolm had run off to the Breadland
for her sister Kate, and the two lassies came flying breathless,
with Miss Girzie Gilchrist, the Lady Skimmilk, pursuing them like
desperation, or a griffin, down the avenue; for Kate, in her hurry,
had flung down her seam, a new printed gown, that she was helping to
make, and it had fallen into a boyne of milk that was ready for the
creaming, by which issued a double misfortune to Miss Girzie, the
gown being not only ruined, but licking up the cream.  For this,
poor Kate was not allowed ever to set her face in the Breadland
again.

When Charlie Malcolm had stayed about a week with his mother, he
returned to his berth in the Tobacco trader, and shortly after his
brother Robert was likewise sent to serve his time to the sea, with
an owner that was master of his own bark, in the coal trade at
Irville.  Kate, who was really a surprising lassie for her years,
was taken off her mother's hands by the old Lady Macadam, that lived
in her jointure house, which is now the Cross Keys Inn.  Her
ladyship was a woman of high breeding, her husband having been a
great general, and knighted by the king for his exploits; but she
was lame, and could not move about in her dining-room without help;
so hearing from the first Mrs Balwhidder how Kate had done such an
unatonable deed to Miss Girzie Gilchrist, she sent for Kate, and,
finding her sharp and apt, she took her to live with her as a
companion.  This was a vast advantage, for the lady was versed in
all manner of accomplishments, and could read and speak French with
more ease than any professor at that time in the College of Glasgow;
and she had learnt to sew flowers on satin, either in a nunnery
abroad, or in a boarding-school in England, and took pleasure in
teaching Kate all she knew, and how to behave herself like a lady.

In the summer of this year, old Mr Patrick Dilworth, that had so
long been doited with the paralytics, died, and it was a great
relief to my people, for the heritors could no longer refuse to get
a proper schoolmaster; so we took on trial Mr Lorimore, who has ever
since the year after, with so much credit to himself, and usefulness
to the parish, been schoolmaster, session clerk, and precentor--a
man of great mildness and extraordinary particularity.  He was then
a very young man, and some objection was made, on account of his
youth, to his being session-clerk, especially as the smuggling
immorality still gave us much trouble in the making up of irregular
marriages; but his discretion was greater than could have been hoped
for from his years; and, after a twelvemonth's probation in the
capacity of schoolmaster, he was installed in all the offices that
had belonged to his predecessor, old Mr Patrick Dilworth that was.

But the most memorable thing that befell among my people this year,
was the burning of the lint-mill on the Lugton water, which
happened, of all the days of the year, on the very selfsame day that
Miss Girzie Gilchrist, better known as Lady Skimmilk, hired the
chaise from Mrs Watts of the New Inns of Irville, to go with her
brother, the major, to consult the faculty in Edinburgh concerning
his complaints.  For, as the chaise was coming by the mill, William
Huckle, the miller that was, came flying out of the mill like a
demented man, crying fire!--and it was the driver that brought the
melancholy tidings to the clachan--and melancholy they were; for the
mill was utterly destroyed, and in it not a little of all that
year's crop of lint in our parish.  The first Mrs Balwhidder lost
upwards of twelve stone, which we had raised on the glebe with no
small pains, watering it in the drouth, as it was intended for
sarking to ourselves, and sheets and napery.  A great loss indeed it
was, and the vexation thereof had a visible effect on Mrs
Balwhidder's health, which from the spring had been in a dwining
way.  But for it, I think she might have wrestled through the
winter:  however, it was ordered otherwise, and she was removed from
mine to Abraham's bosom on Christmas-day, and buried on Hogmanay,
for it was thought uncanny to have a dead corpse in the house on the
new-year's day.  She was a worthy woman, studying with all her
capacity to win the hearts of my people towards me--in the which
good work she prospered greatly; so that, when she died, there was
not a single soul in the parish that was not contented with both my
walk and conversation.  Nothing could be more peaceable than the way
we lived together.  Her brother Andrew, a fine lad, I had sent to
the college at Glasgow, at my own cost; and when he came out to the
burial, he stayed with me a month, for the manse after her decease
was very dull, and it was during this visit that he gave me an
inkling of his wish to go out to India as a cadet, but the
transactions anent that fall within the scope of another year--as
well as what relates to her headstone, and the epitaph in metre,
which I indicated myself thereon; John Truel the mason carving the
same, as may be seen in the kirkyard, where it wants a little
reparation and setting upright, having settled the wrong way when
the second Mrs Balwhidder was laid by her side.--But I must not here
enter upon an anticipation.



CHAPTER V  YEAR 1764



This year well deserved the name of the monumental year in our
parish; for the young laird of the Breadland, that had been my
pupil, being learning to be an advocate among the faculty in
Edinburgh, with his lady mother, who had removed thither with the
young ladies her daughters, for the benefit of education, sent out
to be put up in the kirk, under the loft over the family vault, an
elegant marble headstone, with an epitaph engraven thereon, in fair
Latin, setting forth many excellent qualities which the old laird,
my patron that was, the inditer thereof said he possessed.  I say
the inditer, because it couldna have been the young laird himself,
although he got the credit o't on the stone, for he was nae daub in
my aught at the Latin or any other language.  However, he might
improve himself at Edinburgh, where a' manner of genteel things were
then to be got at an easy rate, and doubtless the young laird got a
probationer at the College to write the epitaph; but I have often
wondered sin' syne, how he came to make it in Latin, for assuredly
his dead parent, if he could have seen it, could not have read a
single word o't, notwithstanding it was so vaunty about his virtues,
and other civil and hospitable qualifications.

The coming of the laird's monumental stone had a great effect on me,
then in a state of deep despondency for the loss of the first Mrs
Balwhidder; and I thought I could not do a better thing, just by way
of diversion in my heavy sorrow, than to get a well-shapen headstone
made for her--which, as I have hinted at in the record of the last
year, was done and set up.  But a headstone without an epitaph, is
no better than a body without the breath of life in't; and so it
behoved me to make a poesy for the monument, the which I conned and
pondered upon for many days.  I thought as Mrs Balwhidder, worthy
woman as she was, did not understand the Latin tongue, it would not
do to put on what I had to say in that language, as the laird had
done--nor indeed would it have been easy, as I found upon the
experimenting, to tell what I had to tell in Latin, which is
naturally a crabbed language, and very difficult to write properly.
I therefore, after mentioning her age and the dates of her birth and
departure, composed in sedate poetry the following epitaph, which
may yet be seen on the tombstone.


EPITAPH

A lovely Christian, spouse, and friend,
Pleasant in life, and at her end. -
A pale consumption dealt the blow
That laid her here, with dust below.
Sore was the cough that shook her frame;
That cough her patience did proclaim -
And as she drew her latest breath,
She said, "The Lord is sweet in death."
O pious reader! standing by,
Learn like this gentle one to die.
The grass doth grow and fade away,
And time runs out by night and day;
The King of Terrors has command
To strike us with his dart in hand.
Go where we will by flood or field,
He will pursue and make us yield.
But though to him we must resign
The vesture of our part divine,
There is a jewel in our trust,
That will not perish in the dust,
A pearl of price, a precious gem,
Ordained for Jesus' diadem;
Therefore, be holy while you can,
And think upon the doom of man.
Repent in time and sin no more,
That when the strife of life is o'er,
On wings of love your soul may rise,
To dwell with angels in the skies,
Where psalms are sung eternally,
And martyrs ne'er again shall die;
But with the saints still bask in bliss,
And drink the cup of blessedness.


This was greatly thought of at the time, and Mr Lorimore, who had a
nerve for poesy himself in his younger years, was of opinion that it
was so much to the purpose, and suitable withal, that he made his
scholars write it out for their examination copies, at the reading
whereof before the heritors, when the examination of the school came
round, the tear came into my eye, and every one present sympathized
with me in my great affliction for the loss of the first Mrs
Balwhidder.

Andrew Langshaw, as I have recorded, having come from the Glasgow
College to the burial of his sister, my wife that was, stayed with
me a month to keep me company; and staying with me, he was a great
cordial, for the weather was wet and sleety, and the nights were
stormy, so that I could go little out, and few of the elders came
in, they being at that time old men in a feckless condition, not at
all qualified to warsle with the blasts of winter.  But when Andrew
left me to go back to his classes, I was eerie and lonesome; and but
for the getting of the monument ready, which was a blessed
entertainment to me in those dreary nights, with consulting anent
the shape of it with John Truel, and meditating on the verse for the
epitaph, I might have gone altogether demented.  However, it pleased
Him, who is the surety of the sinner, to help me through the Slough
of Despond, and to set my feet on firm land, establishing my way
thereon.

But the work of the monument, and the epitaph, could not endure for
a constancy, and after it was done, I was again in great danger of
sinking into the hypochonderies a second time.  However, I was
enabled to fight with my affliction, and by-and-by, as the spring
began to open her green lattice, and to set out her flower-pots to
the sunshine, and the time of the singing of birds was come, I
became more composed, and like myself, so I often walked in the
fields, and held communion with nature, and wondered at the
mysteries thereof.

On one of these occasions, as I was sauntering along the edge of
Eaglesham-wood, looking at the industrious bee going from flower to
flower, and the idle butterfly, that layeth up no store, but
perisheth ere it is winter, I felt as it were a spirit from on high
descending upon me, a throb at my heart, and a thrill in my brain,
and I was transported out of myself, and seized with the notion of
writing a book--but what it should be about, I could not settle to
my satisfaction.  Sometimes I thought of an orthodox poem, like
PARADISE LOST, by John Milton, wherein I proposed to treat more at
large of Original Sin, and the great mystery of Redemption; at
others, I fancied that a connect treatise on the efficacy of Free
Grace would be more taking; but although I made divers beginnings in
both subjects, some new thought ever came into my head, and the
whole summer passed away and nothing was done.  I therefore
postponed my design of writing a book till the winter, when I would
have the benefit of the long nights.  Before that, however, I had
other things of  more importance to think about.  My servant lasses,
having no eye of a mistress over them, wastered every thing at such
a rate, and made such a galravitching in the house, that, long
before the end of the year, the year's stipend was all spent, and I
did not know what to do.  At lang and length I mustered courage to
send for Mr Auld, who was then living, and an elder.  He was a douce
and discreet man, fair and well-doing in the world, and had a better
handful of strong common sense than many even of the heritors.  So I
told him how I was situated, and conferred with him; and he advised
me, for my own sake, to look out for another wife as soon as decency
would allow, which he thought might very properly be after the turn
of the year, by which time the first Mrs Balwhidder would be dead
more than twelve months; and when I mentioned my design to write a
book, he said, (and he was a man of good discretion), that the doing
of the book was a thing that would keep, but masterful servants were
a growing evil; so, upon his counselling, I resolved not to meddle
with the book till I was married again, but employ the interim,
between then and the turn of the year, in looking out for a prudent
woman to be my second wife, strictly intending, as I did perform,
not to mint a word about my choice, if I made one, till the whole
twelve months and a day, from the date of the first Mrs Balwhidder's
interment, had run out.

In this the hand of Providence was very visible, and lucky for me it
was that I had sent for Mr Auld when I did send, as the very week
following, a sound began to spread in the parish, that one of my
lassies had got herself with bairn, which was an awful thing to
think had happened in the house of her master, and that master a
minister of the gospel.  Some there were, for backbiting
appertaineth to all conditions, that jealoused and wondered if I had
not a finger in the pie; which, when Mr Auld heard, he bestirred
himself in such a manful and godly way in my defence, as silenced
the clash, telling that I was utterly incapable of any such thing,
being a man of a guileless heart, and a spiritual simplicity, that
would be ornamental in a child.  We then had the latheron summoned
before the session, and was not long of making her confess that the
father was Nichol Snipe, Lord Glencairn's gamekeeper; and both her
and Nichol were obligated to stand in the kirk:  but Nichol was a
graceless reprobate, for he came with two coats, one buttoned behind
him, and another buttoned before him, and two wigs of my lord's,
lent him by the valet-de-chamer; the one over his face, and the
other in the right way; and he stood with his face to the church-
wall.  When I saw him from the poopit, I said to him--"Nichol, you
must turn your face towards me!"  At the which, he turned round to
be sure, but there he presented the same show as his back.  I was
confounded, and did not know what to say, but cried out with a voice
of anger--"Nichol, Nichol! if ye had been a' back, ye wouldna hae
been there this day;" which had such an effect on the whole
congregation, that the poor fellow suffered afterwards more
derision, than if I had rebuked him in the manner prescribed by the
session.

This affair, with the previous advice of Mr Auld, was, however, a
warning to me, that no pastor of his parish should be long without a
helpmate.  Accordingly, as soon as the year was out, I set myself
earnestly about the search for one; but as the particulars fall
properly within the scope and chronicle of the next year, I must
reserve them for it; and I do not recollect that any thing more
particular befell in this, excepting that William Mutchkins, the
father of Mr Mutchkins, the great spirit-dealer in Glasgow, set up a
change-house in the clachan, which was the first in the parish, and
which, if I could have helped, would have been the last; for it was
opening a howf to all manner of wickedness, and was an immediate get
and offspring of the smuggling trade, against which I had so set my
countenance.  But William Mutchkins himself was a respectable man,
and no house could be better ordered than his change.  At a stated
hour he made family worship, for he brought up his children in the
fear of God and the Christian religion; and although the house was
full, he would go in to the customers, and ask them if they would
want anything for half an hour, for that he was going to make
exercise with his family; and many a wayfaring traveller has joined
in the prayer.  There is no such thing, I fear, nowadays, of
publicans entertaining travellers in this manner.



CHAPTER VI  YEAR 1765



As there was little in the last year that concerned the parish, but
only myself, so in this the like fortune continued; and saving a
rise in the price of barley, occasioned, as was thought, by the
establishment of a house for brewing whisky in a neighbouring
parish, it could not be said that my people were exposed to the
mutations and influences of the stars, which ruled in the seasons of
Ann. Dom. 1765.  In the winter there was a dearth of fuel, such as
has not been since; for when the spring loosened the bonds of the
ice, three new coal-heughs were shanked in the Douray moor, and ever
since there has been a great plenty of that necessary article.
Truly, it is very wonderful to see how things come round.  When the
talk was about the shanking of their heughs, and a paper to get folk
to take shares in them, was carried through the circumjacent
parishes, it was thought a gowk's errand; but no sooner was the coal
reached, but up sprung such a traffic, that it was a godsend to the
parish, and the opening of a trade and commerce, that has, to use an
old byword, brought gold in gowpins amang us.  From that time my
stipend has been on the regular increase, and therefore I think that
the incoming of the heritors must have been in like manner
augmented.

Soon after this, the time was drawing near for my second marriage.
I had placed my affections, with due consideration, on Miss Lizy
Kibbock, the well brought-up daughter of Mr Joseph Kibbock of the
Gorbyholm, who was the first that made a speculation in the farming
way in Ayrshire, and whose cheese were of such an excellent quality,
that they have, under the name of Delap-cheese, spread far and wide
over the civilized world.  Miss Lizy and me were married on the 29th
day of April, with some inconvenience to both sides, on account of
the dread that we had of being married in May; for it is said -


"Of the marriages in May,
The bairns die of a decay."


However, married we were, and we hired the Irville chaise, and with
Miss Jenny her sister, and Becky Cairns her niece, who sat on a
portmanty at our feet, we went on a pleasure jaunt to Glasgow, where
we bought a miracle of useful things for the manse, that neither the
first Mrs Balwhidder nor me ever thought of; but the second Mrs
Balwhidder that was, had a geni for management, and it was
extraordinary what she could go through.  Well may I speak of her
with commendations; for she was the bee that made my honey, although
at first things did not go so clear with us.  For she found the
manse rookit and herrit, and there was such a supply of plenishing
of all sort wanted, that I thought myself ruined and undone by her
care and industry.  There was such a buying of wool to make
blankets, with a booming of the meikle wheel to spin the same, and
such birring of the little wheel for sheets and napery, that the
manse was for many a day like an organ kist.  Then we had milk cows,
and the calves to bring up, and a kirning of butter, and a making of
cheese; in short, I was almost by myself with the jangle and din,
which prevented me from writing a book as I had proposed, and I for
a time thought of the peaceful and kindly nature of the first Mrs
Balwhidder with a sigh; but the outcoming was soon manifest.  The
second Mrs Balwhidder sent her butter on the market-days to Irville,
and her cheese from time to time to Glasgow, to Mrs Firlot, that
kept the huxtry in the Saltmarket; and they were both so well made,
that our dairy was just a coining of money, insomuch that, after the
first year, we had the whole tot of my stipend to put untouched into
the bank.

But I must say, that although we were thus making siller like sclate
stones, I was not satisfied in my own mind that I had got the manse
merely to be a factory of butter and cheese, and to breed up veal
calves for the slaughter; so I spoke to the second Mrs Balwhidder,
and pointed out to her what I thought the error of our way; but she
had been so ingrained with the profitable management of cows and
grumphies in her father's house, that she could not desist, at the
which I was greatly grieved.  By-and-by, however, I began to discern
that there was something as good in her example, as the giving of
alms to the poor folk; for all the wives of the parish were stirred
up by it into a wonderful thrift, and nothing was heard of in every
house, but of quiltings and wabs to weave; insomuch that, before
many years came round, there was not a better stocked parish, with
blankets and napery, than mine was, within the bounds of Scotland.

It was about the Michaelmas of this year that Mrs Malcolm opened her
shop, which she did chiefly on the advice of Mrs Balwhidder, who
said it was far better to allow a little profit on the different
haberdasheries that might be wanted, than to send to the
neighbouring towns an end's errand on purpose for them, none of the
lasses that were so sent ever thinking of making less than a day's
play on every such occasion.  In a word, it is not to be told how
the second Mrs Balwhidder, my wife, showed the value of flying time,
even to the concerns of this world, and was the mean of giving a
life and energy to the housewifery of the parish, that has made many
a one beek his shins in comfort, that would otherwise have had but a
cold coal to blow at.  Indeed, Mr, Kibbock, her father, was a man
beyond the common, and had an insight of things, by which he was
enabled to draw profit and advantage, where others could only see
risk and detriment.  He planted mounts of fir-trees on the bleak and
barren tops of the hills of his farm, the which everybody, and I
among the rest, considered as a thrashing of the water and raising
of bells.  But as his rack ran his trees grew, and the plantations
supplied him with stabs to make STAKE AND RICE between his fields,
which soon gave them a trig and orderly appearance, such as had
never before been seen in the west country; and his example has, in
this matter, been so followed, that I have heard travellers say, who
have been in foreign countries, that the shire of Ayr, for its bonny
round green plantings on the tops of the hills, is above comparison
either with Italy or Switzerland, where the hills are, as it were,
in a state of nature.

Upon the whole, this was a busy year in the parish, and the seeds of
many great improvements were laid.  The king's road, the which then
ran through the Vennel, was mended; but it was not till some years
after, as I shall record by-and-by, that the trust-road, as it was
called, was made, the which had the effect of turning the town
inside out.

Before I conclude, it is proper to mention that the kirk-bell, which
had to this time, from time immemorial, hung on an ash-tree, was one
stormy night cast down by the breaking of the branch, which was the
cause of the heritors agreeing to build the steeple.  The clock was
a mortification to the parish from the Lady Breadland, when she died
some years after.



CHAPTER VII  YEAR 1766



It was in this Ann. Dom. that the great calamity happened, the which
took place on a Sabbath evening in the month of February.  Mrs
Balwhidder had just infused or masket the tea, and we were set round
the fireside, to spend the night in an orderly and religious manner,
along with Mr and Mrs Petticrew, who were on a friendly visitation
to the manse, the mistress being full cousin to Mrs Balwhidder.--
Sitting, as I was saying, at our tea, one of the servant lasses came
into the room with a sort of a panic laugh, and said, "What are ye
all doing there when the Breadland's in a low?"--"The Breadland in a
low!" cried I.--"Oh, ay!" cried she; "bleezing at the windows and
the rigging, and out at the lum, like a killogie."  Upon the which,
we all went to the door, and there, to be sure, we did see that the
Breadland was burning, the flames crackling high out o'er the trees,
and the sparks flying like a comet's tail in the firmament.

Seeing this sight, I said to Mr Petticrew, that, in the strength of
the Lord, I would go and see what could be done, for it was as plain
as the sun in the heavens that the ancient place of the Breadlands
would be destroyed; whereupon he accorded to go with me, and we
walked at a lively course to the spot, and the people from all
quarters were pouring in, and it was an awsome scene.  But the
burning of the house, and the droves of the multitude, were nothing
to what we saw when we got forenent the place.  There was the
rafters crackling, the flames raging, the servants running, some
with bedding, some with looking-glasses, and others with chamber
utensils as little likely to be fuel to the fire, but all
testifications to the confusion and alarm.  Then there was a shout,
"Whar's Miss Girzie? whar's the Major?"  The Major, poor man, soon
cast up, lying upon a feather-bed, ill with his complaints, in the
garden; but Lady Skimmilk was nowhere to be found.  At last, a
figure was seen in the upper flat, pursued by the flames, and that
was Miss Girzie.  Oh! it was a terrible sight to look at her in that
jeopardy at the window, with her gold watch in the one hand and the
silver teapot in the other, skreighing like desperation for a ladder
and help.  But, before a ladder or help could be found, the floor
sunk down, and the roof fell in, and poor Miss Girzie, with her
idols, perished in the burning.  It was a dreadful business!  I
think, to this hour, how I saw her at the window, how the fire came
in behind her, and claught her like a fiery Belzebub, and bore her
into perdition before our eyes.  The next morning the atomy of the
body was found among the rubbish, with a piece of metal in what had
been each of its hands, no doubt the gold watch and the silver
teapot.  Such was the end of Miss Girzie; and the Breadland, which
the young laird, my pupil that was, by growing a resident at
Edinburgh, never rebuilt.  It was burnt to the very ground; nothing
was spared but what the servants in the first flaught gathered up in
a hurry and ran with; but no one could tell how the Major, who was
then, as it was thought by the faculty, past the power of nature to
recover, got out of the house, and was laid on the feather-bed in
the garden.  However, he never got the better of that night, and
before Whitsunday he was dead too, and buried beside his sister's
bones at the south side of the kirkyard dyke, where his cousin's
son, that was his heir, erected the handsome monument, with the
three urns and weeping cherubims, bearing witness to the great
valour of the Major among the Hindoos, as well as other commendable
virtues, for which, as the epitaph says, he was universally esteemed
and beloved, by all who knew him, in his public and private
capacity.

But although the burning of the Breadland-House was justly called
the great calamity, on account of what happened to Miss Girzie with
her gold watch and silver teapot; yet, as Providence never fails to
bring good out of evil, it turned out a catastrophe that proved
advantageous to the parish; for the laird, instead of thinking to
build it up, was advised to let the policy out as a farm, and the
tack was taken by Mr Coulter, than whom there had been no such man
in the agriculturing line among us before, not even excepting Mr
Kibbock of the Gorbyholm, my father-in-law that was.  Of the
stabling, Mr Coulter made a comfortable dwelling-house; and having
rugget out the evergreens and other unprofitable plants, saving the
twa ancient yew-trees which the near-begaun Major and his sister had
left to go to ruin about the mansion-house, he turned all to
production, and it was wonderful what an increase he made the land
bring forth.  He was from far beyond Edinburgh, and had got his
insight among the Lothian farmers, so that he knew what crop should
follow another, and nothing could surpass the regularity of his rigs
and furrows.--Well do I remember the admiration that I had, when, in
a fine sunny morning of the first spring after he took the
Breadland, I saw his braird on what had been the cows' grass, as
even and pretty as if it had been worked and stripped in the loom
with a shuttle.  Truly, when I look back at the example he set, and
when I think on the method and dexterity of his management, I must
say, that his coming to the parish was a great godsend, and tended
to do far more for the benefit of my people, than if the young laird
had rebuilded the Breadland-House in a fashionable style, as was at
one time spoken of.

But the year of the great calamity was memorable for another thing:-
in the December foregoing, the wind blew, as I have recorded in the
chronicle of the last year, and broke down the bough of the tree
whereon the kirk-bell had hung from the time, as was supposed, of
the persecution, before the bringing over of King William.  Mr
Kibbock, my father-in-law then that was, being a man of a discerning
spirit, when he heard of the unfortunate fall of the bell, advised
me to get the heritors to big a steeple; but which, when I thought
of the expense, I was afraid to do.  He, however, having a great
skill in the heart of man, gave me no rest on the subject; but told
me, that if I allowed the time to go by till the heritors were used
to come to the kirk without a bell, I would get no steeple at all.
I often wondered what made Mr Kibbock so fond of a steeple, which is
a thing that I never could see a good reason for, saving that it is
an ecclesiastical adjunct, like the gown and bands.  However, he set
me on to get a steeple proposed, and after no little argol-bargling
with the heritors, it was agreed to.  This was chiefly owing to the
instrumentality of Lady Moneyplack, who, in that winter, was much
subjected to the rheumatics, she having, one cold and raw Sunday
morning, there being no bell to announce the time, come half an hour
too soon to the kirk, made her bestir herself to get an interest
awakened among the heritors in behalf of a steeple.

But when the steeple was built, a new contention arose.  It was
thought that the bell, which had been used in the ash-tree, would
not do in a stone and lime fabric; so, after great agitation among
the heritors, it was resolved to sell the old bell to a foundery in
Glasgow, and buy a new bell suitable to the steeple, which was a
very comely fabric.  The buying of the new bell led to other
considerations, and the old Lady Breadland, being at the time in a
decaying condition, and making her will, she left a mortification to
the parish, as I have intimated, to get a clock; so that, by the
time the steeple was finished, and the bell put up, the Lady
Breadland's legacy came to be implemented, according to the
ordination of the testatrix.

Of the casualities that happened in this year, I should not forget
to put down, as a thing for remembrance, that an aged woman, one
Nanse Birrel, a distillator of herbs, and well skilled in the
healing of sores, who had a great repute among the quarriers and
colliers--she having gone to the physic well in the sandy hills to
draw water, was found, with her feet uppermost in the well, by some
of the bairns of Mr Lorimore's school; and there was a great debate
whether Nanse had fallen in by accident head foremost, or, in a
temptation, thrown herself in that position, with her feet sticking
up to the evil one; for Nanse was a curious discontented blear-eyed
woman, and it was only with great ado that I could get the people
keepit from calling her a witchwife.

I should likewise place on record, that the first ass that had ever
been seen in this part of the country, came in the course of this
year with a gang of tinklers, that made horn-spoons and mended
bellows.  Where they came from never was well made out; but being a
blackaviced crew, they were generally thought to be Egyptians.  They
tarried about a week among us, living in tents, with their little
ones squattling among the litter; and one of the older men of them
set and tempered to me two razors, that were as good as nothing, but
which he made better than when they were new.

Shortly after, but I am not quite sure whether it was in the end of
this year, or the beginning of the next, although I have a notion
that it was in this, there came over from Ireland a troop of wild
Irish, seeking for work as they said; but they made free quarters,
for they herrit the roosts of the clachan, and cutted the throat of
a sow of ours, the carcass of which they no doubt intended to steal;
but something came over them, and it was found lying at the back
side of the manse, to the great vexation of Mrs Balwhidder; for she
had set her mind on a clecking of pigs, and only waited for the
China boar, that had been brought down from London by Lord
Eaglesham, to mend the breed of pork--a profitable commodity, that
her father, Mr Kibbock, cultivated for the Glasgow market.  The
destruction of our sow, under such circumstances, was therefore held
to be a great crime and cruelty, and it had the effect to raise up
such a spirit in the clachan, that the Irish were obligated to
decamp; and they set out for Glasgow, where one of them was
afterwards hanged for a fact, but the truth concerning how he did
it, I either never heard, or it has passed from my mind, like many
other things I should have carefully treasured.



CHAPTER VIII  YEAR 1767



All things in our parish were now beginning to shoot up into a great
prosperity.  The spirit of farming began to get the upper hand of
the spirit of smuggling, and the coal-heughs that had been opened in
the Douray, now brought a pour of money among us.  In the manse, the
thrift and frugality of the second Mrs Balwhidder throve
exceedingly, so that we could save the whole stipend for the bank.

The king's highway, as I have related in the foregoing, ran through
the Vennel, which was a narrow and a crooked street, with many big
stones here and there, and every now and then, both in the spring
and the fall, a gathering of middens for the fields; insomuch that
the coal-carts from the Douray moor were often reested in the middle
of the causey, and on more than one occasion some of them laired
altogether in the middens, and others of them broke down.  Great
complaint was made by the carters anent these difficulties, and
there was, for many a day, a talk and sound of an alteration and
amendment; but nothing was fulfilled in the matter till the month of
March in this year, when the Lord Eaglesham was coming from London
to see the new lands that he had bought in our parish.  His lordship
was a man of a genteel spirit, and very fond of his horses, which
were the most beautiful creatures of their kind that had been seen
in all the country side.  Coming, as I was noting, to see his new
lands, he was obliged to pass through the clachan one day, when all
the middens were gathered out, reeking and sappy, in the middle of
the causey.  Just as his lordship was driving in with his prancing
steeds, like a Jehu, at one end of the vennel, a long string of
loaded coal-carts came in at the other, and there was hardly room
for my lord to pass them.  What was to be done?  His lordship could
not turn back, and the coal-carts were in no less perplexity.  Every
body was out of doors to see and to help; when, in trying to get his
lordship's carriage over the top of a midden, the horses gave a
sudden loup, and couped the coach, and threw my lord, head foremost,
into the very scent-bottle of the whole commodity, which made him go
perfect mad, and he swore like a trooper that he would get an act of
parliament to put down the nuisance--the which now ripened in the
course of this year into the undertaking of the trust-road.

His lordship, being in a woeful plight, left the carriage and came
to the manse, till his servant went to the castle for a change for
him; but he could not wait nor abide himself:  so he got the lend of
my best suit of clothes, and was wonderful jocose both with Mrs
Balwhidder and me, for he was a portly man, and I but a thin body,
and it was really a droll curiosity to see his lordship clad in my
garments.

Out of this accident grew a sort of a neighbourliness between that
Lord Eaglesham and me; so that when Andrew Lanshaw, the brother that
was of the first Mrs Balwhidder, came to think of going to India, I
wrote to my lord for his behoof, and his lordship got him sent out
as a cadet, and was extraordinary discreet to Andrew when he went up
to London to take his passage, speaking to him of me as if I had
been a very saint, which the Searcher of Hearts knows I am far from
thinking myself.

But to return to the making of the trust-road, which, as I have
said, turned the town inside out.  It was agreed among the heritors,
that it should run along the back side of the south houses; and that
there should be steadings fued off on each side, according to a plan
that was laid down; and this being gone into, the town gradually, in
the course of years, grew up into that orderlyness which makes it
now a pattern to the country side--all which was mainly owing to the
accident that befell the Lord Eaglesham, which is a clear proof how
improvements come about, as it were, by the immediate instigation of
Providence, which should make the heart of man humble, and change
his eyes of pride and haughtiness into a lowly demeanour.

But although this making of the trust-road was surely a great thing
for the parish, and of an advantage to my people, we met, in this
year, with a loss not to be compensated--that was the death of Nanse
Banks, the schoolmistress.  She had been long in a weak and frail
state; but being a methodical creature, still kept on the school,
laying the foundation for many a worthy wife and mother.  However,
about the decline of the year her complaints increased, and she sent
for me to consult about her giving up the school; and I went to see
her on Saturday afternoon, when the bit lassies, her scholars, had
put the house in order, and gone home till the Monday.

She was sitting in the window-nook, reading THE WORD to herself,
when I entered; but she closed the book, and put her spectacles in
for a mark when she saw me; and, as it was expected I would come,
her easy-chair, with a clean cover, had been set out for me by the
scholars, by which I discerned that there was something more than
common to happen, and so it appeared when I had taken my seat.

"Sir," said she, "I hae sent for you on a thing troubles me sairly.
I have warsled with poortith in this shed, which it has pleased the
Lord to allow me to possess; but my strength is worn out, and I fear
I maun yield in the strife;" and she wiped her eye with her apron.
I told her, however, to be of good cheer; and then she said, "That
she could no longer thole the din of the school, and that she was
weary, and ready to lay herself down to die whenever the Lord was
pleased to permit."  "But," continued she, "what can I do without
the school; and, alas!  I can neither work nor want; and I am wae to
go on the session, for I am come of a decent family."  I comforted
her, and told her, that I thought she had done so much good in the
parish, that the session was deep in her debt, and that what they
might give her was but a just payment for her service.  "I would
rather, however, sir," said she, "try first what some of my auld
scholars will do, and it was for that I wanted to speak with you.
If some of them would but just, from time to time, look in upon me,
that I may not die alane; and the little pick and drap that I
require would not be hard upon them--I am more sure that in this way
their gratitude would be no discredit, than I am of having any claim
on the session."

As I had always a great respect for an honest pride, I assured her
that I would do what she wanted; and accordingly, the very morning
after, being Sabbath, I preached a sermon on the helplessness of
them that have no help of man, meaning aged single women, living in
garret-rooms, whose forlorn state, in the gloaming of life, I made
manifest to the hearts and understandings of the congregation, in
such a manner that many shed tears, and went away sorrowful.

Having thus roused the feelings of my people, I went round the
houses on the Monday morning, and mentioned what I had to say more
particularly about poor old Nanse Banks, the schoolmistress, and
truly I was rejoiced at the condition of the hearts of my people.
There was a universal sympathy among them; and it was soon ordered
that, what with one and another, her decay should be provided for.
But it was not ordained that she should be long heavy on their good-
will.  On the Monday the school was given up, and there was nothing
but wailing among the bit lassies, the scholars, for getting the
vacance, as the poor things said, because the mistress was going to
lie down to dee.  And, indeed, so it came to pass; for she took to
her bed the same afternoon, and, in the course of the week, dwindled
away, and slipped out of this howling wilderness into the kingdom of
heaven, on the Sabbath following, as quietly as a blessed saint
could do.  And here I should mention, that the Lady Macadam, when I
told her of Nanse Banks's case, enquired if she was a snuffer, and,
being answered by me that she was, her ladyship sent her a pretty
French enamel box full of macabaw, a fine snuff that she had in a
bottle; and, among the macabaw, was found a guinea, at the bottom of
the box, after Nanse Banks had departed this life, which was a kind
thing of Lady Macadam to do.

About the close of this year there was a great sough of old
prophecies, foretelling mutations and adversities, chiefly on
account of the canal that was spoken of to join the rivers of the
Clyde and the Forth, it being thought an impossible thing to be
done; and the Adam and Eve pear-tree, in our garden, budded out in
an awful manner, and had divers flourishes on it at Yule, which was
thought an ominous thing, especially as the second Mrs Balwhidder
was at the downlying with my eldest son Gilbert, that is, the
merchant in Glasgow; but nothing came o't, and the howdie said she
had an easy time when the child came into the world, which was on
the very last day of the year, to the great satisfaction of me, and
of my people, who were wonderful lifted up because their minister
had a man-child born unto him.



CHAPTER IX  YEAR 1768



It's a surprising thing how time flieth away, carrying off our youth
and strength, and leaving us nothing but wrinkles and the ails of
old age.  Gilbert, my son, that is now a corpulent man, and a
Glasgow merchant, when I take up my pen to record the memorables of
this Ann. Dom., seems to me yet but a suckling in swaddling clothes,
mewing and peevish in the arms of his mother, that has been long
laid in the cold kirkyard, beside her predecessor, in Abraham's
bosom.  It is not, however, my design to speak much anent my own
affairs, which would be a very improper and uncomely thing, but only
of what happened in the parish, this book being for a witness and
testimony of my ministry.  Therefore, setting out of view both me
and mine, I will now resuscitate the concerns of Mrs Malcolm and her
children; for, as I think, never was there such a visible
preordination seen in the lives of any persons, as was seen in that
of this worthy decent woman, and her well-doing off-spring.  Her
morning was raw, and a sore blight fell upon her fortunes; but the
sun looked out on her midday, and her evening closed loun and warm;
and the stars of the firmament, that are the eyes of heaven, beamed
as it were with gladness, when she lay down to sleep the sleep of
rest.

Her son Charles was by this time grown up into a stout buirdly lad,
and it was expected that, before the return of the Tobacco trader,
he would have been out of his time, and a man afore the mast, which
was a great step of preferment, as I heard say by persons skilled in
seafaring concerns.  But this was not ordered to happen; for, when
the Tobacco trader was lying in the harbour of Virginia in the North
Americas, a pressgang, that was in need of men for a man-of-war,
came on board, and pressed poor Charles, and sailed away with him on
a cruise, nobody, for many a day, could tell where, till I thought
of the Lord Eaglesham's kindness.  His lordship having something to
say with the king's government, I wrote to him, telling him who I
was, and how jocose he had been when buttoned in my clothes, that he
might recollect me, thanking him, at the same time, for his
condescension and patronage to Andrew Lanshaw, in his way to the
East Indies.  I then slipped in, at the end of the letter, a bit
nota-bene concerning the case of Charles Malcolm, begging his
lordship, on account of the poor lad's widow mother, to enquire at
the government if they could tell us any thing about Charles.  In
the due course of time, I got a most civil reply from his lordship,
stating all about the name of the man-of-war, and where she was; and
at the conclusion his lordship said, that I was lucky in having the
brother of a Lord of the Admiralty on this occasion for my agent, as
otherwise, from the vagueness of my statement, the information might
not have been procured; which remark of his lordship was long a
great riddle to me; for I could not think what he meant about an
agent, till, in the course of the year, we heard that his own
brother was concerned in the admiralty; so that all his lordship
meant was only to crack a joke with me, and that he was ever ready
and free to do, as shall be related in the sequel, for he was an
excellent man.

There being a vacancy for a schoolmistress, it was proposed to Mrs
Malcolm, that, under her superintendence, her daughter Kate, that
had been learning great artifices in needle-work so long with Lady
Macadam, should take up the school, and the session undertook to
make good to Kate the sum of five pounds sterling per annum, over
and above what the scholars were to pay.  But Mrs Malcolm said she
had not strength herself to warsle with so many unruly brats, and
that Kate, though a fine lassie, was a tempestuous spirit, and might
lame some of the bairns in her passion; and that selfsame night,
Lady Macadam wrote me a very complaining letter, for trying to wile
away her companion; but her ladyship was a canary-headed woman, and
given to flights and tantrums, having in her youth been a great
toast among the quality.  It would, however, have saved her from a
sore heart, had she never thought of keeping Kate Malcolm.  For this
year her only son, who was learning the art of war at an academy in
France, came to pay her, his lady mother, a visit.  He was a brisk
and light-hearted stripling, and Kate Malcolm was budding into a
very rose of beauty; so between them a hankering began, which, for a
season, was productive of great heaviness of heart to the poor old
cripple lady; indeed, she assured me herself, that all her
rheumatics were nothing to the heart-ache which she suffered in the
progress of this business.  But that will be more treated of
hereafter; suffice it to say for the present, that we have thus
recorded how the plan for making Kate Malcolm our schoolmistress
came to nought.  It pleased, however, Him, from whom cometh every
good and perfect gift, to send at this time among us a Miss Sabrina
Hooky, the daughter of old Mr Hooky, who had been schoolmaster in a
neighbouring parish.  She had gone, after his death, to live with an
auntie in Glasgow, that kept a shop in the Gallowgate.  It was
thought that the old woman would have left her heir to all her
gatherings, and so she said she would, but alas! our life is but
within our lip.  Before her testament was made, she was carried
suddenly off by an apoplectick, an awful monument of the uncertainty
of time and the nearness of eternity, in her own shop, as she was in
the very act of weighing out an ounce of snuff to a professor of the
College, as Miss Sabrina herself told me.  Being thus destitute, it
happened that Miss Sabrina heard of the vacancy in our parish, as it
were, just by the cry of a passing bird, for she could not tell how;
although I judge myself that William Keckle the elder had a hand in
it, as he was at the time in Glasgow; and she wrote me a wonderful
well-penned letter bespeaking the situation, which letter came to
hand on the morn following Lady Macadam's stramash to me about Kate
Malcolm, and I laid it before the session the same day; so that, by
the time her auntie's concern was taken off her hands, she had a
home and a howf among us to come in, to the which she lived upwards
of thirty years in credit and respect, although some thought she had
not the art of her predecessor, and was more uppish in her carriage
than befitted the decorum of her vocation.  Hers, however, was but a
harmless vanity; and, poor woman, she needed all manner of graces to
set her out; for she was made up of odds and ends, and had but one
good eye, the other being blind, and just like a blue bead.  At
first she plainly set her cap for Mr Lorimore, but after oggling and
goggling at him every Sunday in the kirk for a whole half-year and
more, Miss Sabrina desisted in despair.

But the most remarkable thing about her coming into the parish, was
the change that took place in Christian names among us.  Old Mr
Hooky, her father, had, from the time he read his Virgil, maintained
a sort of intromission with the nine muses, by which he was led to
baptize her Sabrina, after a name mentioned by John Milton in one of
his works.  Miss Sabrina began by calling our Jennies Jessies, and
our Nannies Nancies; alas! I have lived to see even these likewise
grow old-fashioned.  She had also a taste in the mantua-making line,
which she had learnt in Glasgow; and I could date from the very
Sabbath of her first appearance in the kirk, a change growing in the
garb of the younger lassies, who from that day began to lay aside
the silken plaidie over the head, the which had been the pride and
bravery of their grandmothers; and instead of the snood, that was so
snod and simple, they hided their heads in round-eared bees-cap
mutches, made of gauze and catgut, and other curious contrivances of
French millendery; all which brought a deal of custom to Miss
Sabrina, over and above the incomings and Candlemas offerings of
school; insomuch that she saved money, and in the course of three
years had ten pounds to put in the bank.

At the time, these alterations and revolutions in the parish were
thought a great advantage; but now when I look back upon them, as a
traveller on the hill over the road he has passed, I have my doubts.
For with wealth come wants, like a troop of clamorous beggars at the
heels of a generous man; and it's hard to tell wherein the benefit
of improvement in a country parish consists, especially to those who
live by the sweat of their brow.  But it is not for me to make
reflections; my task and duty is to note the changes of time and
habitudes.



CHAPTER X  YEAR 1769



I have my doubts whether it was in the beginning of this year, or in
the end of the last, that a very extraordinary thing came to light
in the parish; but, howsoever that may be, there is nothing more
certain than the fact, which it is my duty to record.  I have
mentioned already how it was that the toll, or trust-road, was set
a-going, on account of the Lord Eaglesham's tumbling on the midden
in the Vennel.  Well, it happened to one of the labouring men, in
breaking the stones to make metal for the new road, that he broke a
stone that was both large and remarkable, and in the heart of it,
which was boss, there was found a living creature, that jumped out
the moment it saw the light of heaven, to the great terrification of
the man, who could think it was nothing but an evil spirit that had
been imprisoned therein for a time.  The man came to me like a
demented creature, and the whole clachan gathered out, young and
old, and I went at their head to see what the miracle could be, for
the man said it was a fiery dragon, spewing smoke and flames.  But
when we came to the spot, it was just a yird toad, and the laddie
weans nevelled it to death with stones, before I could persuade them
to give over.  Since then, I have read of such things coming to
light in the Scots Magazine, a very valuable book.

Soon after the affair of "the wee deil in the stane," as it was
called, a sough reached us that the Americas were seized with the
rebellious spirit of the ten tribes, and were snapping their fingers
in the face of the king's government.  The news came on a Saturday
night, for we had no newspapers in those days, and was brought by
Robin Modiwort, that fetched the letters from the Irville post.
Thomas Fullarton (he has been dead many a day) kept the grocery shop
at Irville, and he had been in at Glasgow, as was his yearly custom,
to settle his accounts, and to buy a hogshead of tobacco, with sugar
and other spiceries; and being in Glasgow, Thomas was told by the
merchant of a great rise in tobacco, that had happened by reason of
the contumacity of the plantations, and it was thought that blood
would be spilt before things were ended, for that the King and
Parliament were in a great passion with them.  But as Charles
Malcolm, in the king's ship, was the only one belonging to the
parish that was likely to be art and part in the business, we were
in a manner little troubled at the time with this first gasp of the
monster of war, who, for our sins, was ordained to swallow up and
devour so many of our fellow-subjects, before he was bound again in
the chains of mercy and peace.

I had, in the meantime, written a letter to the Lord Eaglesham, to
get Charles Malcolm out of the clutches of the pressgang in the man-
of-war; and about a month after, his lordship sent me an answer,
wherein was enclosed a letter from the captain of the ship, saying,
that Charles Malcolm was so good a man that he was reluctant to part
with him, and that Charles himself was well contented to remain
aboard.  Anent which, his lordship said to me, that he had written
back to the captain to make a midshipman of Charles, and that he
would take him under his own protection, which was great joy on two
accounts to us all, especially to his mother; first, to hear that
Charles was a good man, although in years still but a youth; and,
secondly, that my lord had, of his own free-will, taken him under
the wing of his patronage.

But the sweet of this world is never to be enjoyed without some of
the sour.  The coal bark between Irville and Belfast, in which
Robert Malcolm, the second son of his mother, was serving his time
to be a sailor, got a charter, as it was called, to go with to
Norway for deals, which grieved Mrs Malcolm to the very heart; for
there was then no short cut by the canal, as now is, between the
rivers of the Forth and Clyde, but every ship was obligated to go
far away round by the Orkneys, which, although a voyage in the
summer not overly dangerous, there being long days and short nights
then, yet in the winter it was far otherwise, many vessels being
frozen up in the Baltic till the spring; and there was a story told
at the time, of an Irville bark coming home in the dead of the year,
that lost her way altogether, and was supposed to have sailed north
into utter darkness, for she was never more heard of:  and many an
awful thing was said of what the auld mariners about the shore
thought concerning the crew of that misfortunate vessel.  However,
Mrs Malcolm was a woman of great faith, and having placed her
reliance on Him who is the orphan's stay and widow's trust, she
resigned her bairn into his hands, with a religious submission to
his pleasure, though the mother's tear of weak human nature was on
her cheek and in her e'e.  And her faith was well rewarded, for the
vessel brought him safe home, and he had seen such a world of
things, that it was just to read a story-book to hear him tell of
Elsineur and Gottenburg, and other fine and great places that we had
never heard of till that time; and he brought me a bottle of Riga
balsam, which for healing cuts was just miraculous, besides a clear
bottle of Rososolus for his mother, a spirit which for cordiality
could not be told; for though since that time we have had many a
sort of Dantzic cordial, I have never tasted any to compare with
Robin Malcolm's Rososolus.  The Lady Macadam, who had a knowledge of
such things, declared it was the best of the best sort; for Mrs
Malcolm sent her ladyship some of it in a doctor's bottle, as well
as to Mrs Balwhidder, who was then at the downlying with our
daughter Janet--a woman now in the married state, that makes a most
excellent wife, having been brought up with great pains, and well
educated, as I shall have to record by-and-by.

About the Christmas of this year, Lady Macadam's son having been
perfected in the art of war at a school in France, had, with the
help of his mother's friends, and his father's fame, got a stand of
colours in the Royal Scots regiment; he came to show himself in his
regimentals to his lady mother, like a dutiful son, as he certainly
was.  It happened that he was in the kirk in his scarlets and gold,
on the same Sunday that Robert Malcolm came home from the long
voyage to Norway for deals; and I thought when I saw the soldier and
the sailor from the pulpit, that it was an omen of war, among our
harmless country folks, like swords and cannon amidst ploughs and
sickles, coming upon us; and I became laden in spirit, and had a
most weighty prayer upon the occasion, which was long after
remembered, many thinking, when the American war broke out, that I
had been gifted with a glimmering of prophecy on that day.

It was during this visit to his lady mother, that young Laird
Macadam settled the correspondence with Kate Malcolm, which, in the
process of time, caused us all so much trouble; for it was a
clandestine concern:  but the time is not yet ripe for me to speak
of it more at large.  I should, however, mention, before concluding
this annal, that Mrs Malcolm herself was this winter brought to
death's door by a terrible host that came on her in the kirk, by
taking a kittling in her throat.  It was a terrification to hear her
sometimes; but she got the better of it in the spring, and was more
herself thereafter than she had been for years before; and her
daughter Effie or Euphemia, as she was called by Miss Sabrina, the
schoolmistress, was growing up to be a gleg and clever quean; she
was, indeed, such a spirit in her way, that the folks called her
Spunkie; while her son William, that was the youngest of the five,
was making a wonderful proficiency with Mr Lorimore.  He was indeed
a douce, well-doing laddie, of a composed nature; insomuch that the
master said he was surely chosen for the ministry.  In short, the
more I think on what befell this family, and of the great meekness
and Christian worth of the parent, I verily believe there never
could have been in any parish such a manifestation of the truth,
that they who put their trust in the Lord, are sure of having a
friend that will never forsake them.



CHAPTER XI  YEAR 1770



This blessed Ann. Dom. was one of the Sabbaths of my ministry.  When
I look back upon it, all is quiet and good order:  the darkest cloud
of the smuggling had passed over, at least from my people, and the
rumours of rebellion in America were but like the distant sound of
the bars of Ayr.  We sat, as it were, in a lown and pleasant place,
beholding our prosperity, like the apple-tree adorned with her
garlands of flourishes, in the first fair mornings of the spring,
when the birds were returning thanks to their Maker for the coming
again of the seed-time, and the busy bee goeth forth from her cell,
to gather honey from the flowers of the field, and the broom of the
hill, and the blue-bells and gowans, which Nature, with a gracious
and a gentle hand, scatters in the valley, as she walketh forth in
her beauty, to testify to the goodness of the Father of all mercies.

Both at the spring and the harvest sacraments, the weather was as
that which is in Paradise; there was a glad composure in all hearts,
and the minds of men were softened towards each other.  The number
of communicants was greater than had been known for many years, and
the tables were filled by the pious from many a neighbouring parish:
those of my hearers who had opposed my placing, declared openly, for
a testimony of satisfaction and holy thankfulness, that the tent, so
surrounded as it was on both occasions, was a sight they never had
expected to see.  I was, to be sure, assisted by some of the best
divines then in the land, but I had not been a sluggard myself in
the vineyard.

Often, when I think on this year, so fruitful in pleasant
intimacies, has the thought come into my mind, that as the Lord
blesses the earth from time to time with a harvest of more than the
usual increase, so, in like manner, he is sometimes for a season
pleased to pour into the breasts of mankind a larger portion of
good-will and charity, disposing them to love one another, to be
kindly to all creatures, and filled with the delight of thankfulness
to himself, which is the greatest of blessings.

It was in this year that the Earl of Eaglesham ordered the fair to
be established in the village; and it was a day of wonderful
festivity to all the bairns, and lads and lassies, for miles round.
I think, indeed, that there has never been such a fair as the first
since; for although we have more mountebanks and merry-andrews now,
and richer cargoes of groceries and packman's stands, yet there has
been a falling off in the light-hearted daffing, while the
hobleshows in the change-houses have been awfully augmented.  It was
on this occasion that Punch's opera was first seen in our country
side, and surely never was there such a funny curiosity; for
although Mr Punch himself was but a timber idol, he was as droll as
a true living thing, and napped with his head so comical; but oh! he
was a sorrowful contumacious captain, and it was just a sport to see
how he rampaged, and triumphed, and sang.  For months after, the
laddie weans did nothing but squeak and sing like Punch.  In short,
a blithe spirit was among us throughout this year, and the briefness
of the chronicle bears witness to the innocency of the time.



CHAPTER XII  YEAR 1771



It was in this year that my troubles with Lady Macadam's affair
began.  She was a woman, as I have by hint here and there intimated,
of a prelatic disposition, seeking all things her own way, and not
overly scrupulous about the means, which I take to be the true
humour of prelacy.  She was come of a high episcopal race in the
east country, where sound doctrine had been long but little heard,
and she considered the comely humility of a presbyter as the
wickedness of hypocrisy; so that, saving in the way of neighbourly
visitation, there was no sincere communion between us.
Nevertheless, with all her vagaries, she had the element of a kindly
spirit, that would sometimes kythe in actions of charity, that
showed symptoms of a true Christian grace, had it been properly
cultivated; but her morals had been greatly neglected in her youth,
and she would waste her precious time in the long winter nights,
playing at the cards with her visitors; in the which thriftless and
sinful pastime, she was at great pains to instruct Kate Malcolm,
which I was grieved to understand.  What, however, I most misliked
in her ladyship, was a lightness and juvenility of behaviour
altogether unbecoming her years; for she was far past three-score,
having been long married without children.  Her son, the soldier
officer, came so late, that it was thought she would have been taken
up as an evidence in the Douglas cause.  She was, to be sure,
crippled with the rheumatics, and no doubt the time hung heavy on
her hands; but the best friends of recreation and sport must allow,
that an old woman, sitting whole hours jingling with that paralytic
chattel a spinnet, was not a natural object!  What, then, could be
said for her singing Italian songs, and getting all the newest from
Vauxhall in London, a boxful at a time, with new novel-books, and
trinkum-trankum flowers and feathers, and sweetmeats, sent to her by
a lady of the blood royal of Paris?  As for the music, she was at
great pains to instruct Kate, which, with the other things she
taught, were sufficient, as my lady said herself, to qualify poor
Kate for a duchess or a governess, in either of which capacities,
her ladyship assured Mrs Malcolm, she would do honour to her
instructor, meaning her own self; but I must come to the point anent
the affair.

One evening, early in the month of January, as I was sitting by
myself in my closet studying the Scots Magazine, which I well
remember the new number had come but that very night, Mrs Balwhidder
being at the time busy with the lasses in the kitchen, and
superintending, as her custom was, for she was a clever woman, a
great wool-spinning we then had, both little wheel and meikle wheel,
for stockings and blankets--sitting, as I was saying, in the study,
with the fire well gathered up, for a night's reflection, a
prodigious knocking came to the door, by which the book was almost
startled out of my hand, and all the wheels in the house were
silenced at once.  This was her ladyship's flunkey, to beg me to go
to her, whom he described as in a state of desperation.
Christianity required that I should obey the summons; so, with what
haste I could, thinking that perhaps, as she had been low-spirited
for some time about the young laird's going to the Indies, she might
have got a cast of grace, and been wakened in despair to the state
of darkness in which she had so long lived, I made as few steps of
the road between the manse and her house as it was in my ability to
do.

On reaching the door, I found a great light in the house--candles
burning up stairs and down stairs, and a sough of something
extraordinar going on.  I went into the dining-room, where her
ladyship was wont to sit; but she was not there--only Kate Malcolm
all alone, busily picking bits of paper from the carpet.  When she
looked up, I saw that her eyes were red with weeping, and I was
alarmed, and said, "Katy, my dear, I hope there is no danger?"  Upon
which the poor lassie rose, and, flinging herself in a chair,
covered her face with her hands, and wept bitterly.

"What is the old fool doing with the wench?" cried a sharp angry
voice from the drawing-room--"why does not he come to me?"  It was
the voice of Lady Macadam herself, and she meant me.  So I went to
her; but, oh! she was in a far different state from what I had
hoped.  The pride of this world had got the upper hand of her, and
was playing dreadful antics with understanding.  There was she,
painted like a Jezebel, with gum-flowers on her head, as was her
custom every afternoon, sitting on a settee, for she was lame, and
in her hand she held a letter.  "Sir," said she, as I came into the
room, "I want you to go instantly to that young fellow, your clerk,
(meaning Mr Lorimore, the schoolmaster, who was likewise session-
clerk and precentor,) and tell him I will give him a couple of
hundred pounds to marry Miss Malcolm without delay, and undertake to
procure him a living from some of my friends."

"Softly, my lady, you must first tell me the meaning of all this
haste of kindness," said I, in my calm methodical manner.  At the
which she began to cry and sob, like a petted bairn, and to bewail
her ruin, and the dishonour of her family.  I was surprised, and
beginning to be confounded; at length out it came.  The flunkey had
that night brought two London letters from the Irville post, and
Kate Malcolm being out of the way when he came home, he took them
both in to her ladyship on the silver server, as was his custom; and
her ladyship, not jealousing that Kate could have a correspondence
with London, thought both the letters were for herself, for they
were franked; so, as it happened, she opened the one that was for
Kate, and this, too, from the young laird, her own son.  She could
not believe her eyes when she saw the first words in his hand of
write; and she read, and she better read, till she read all the
letter, by which she came to know that Kate and her darling were
trysted, and that this was not the first love-letter which had
passed between them.  She, therefore, tore it in pieces, and sent
for me, and screamed for Kate; in short, went, as it were, off at
the head, and was neither to bind nor to hold on account of this
intrigue, as she, in her wrath, stigmatised the innocent gallanting
of poor Kate and the young laird.

I listened in patience to all she had to say anent the discovery,
and offered her the very best advice; but she derided my judgment;
and because I would not speak outright to Mr Lorimore, and get him
to marry Kate off hand, she bade me good-night with an air, and sent
for him herself.  He, however, was on the brink of marriage with his
present worthy helpmate, and declined her ladyship's proposals,
which angered her still more.  But although there was surely a great
lack of discretion in all this, and her ladyship was entirely
overcome with her passion, she would not part with Kate, nor allow
her to quit the house with me, but made her sup with her as usual
that night, calling her sometimes a perfidious baggage, and at other
times, forgetting her delirium, speaking to her as kindly as ever.
At night, Kate as usual helped her ladyship into her bed, (this she
told me with tears in her eyes next morning;) and when Lady Macadam,
as was her wont, bent to kiss her for good-night, she suddenly
recollected "the intrigue," and gave Kate such a slap on the side of
the head, as quite dislocated for a time the intellects of the poor
young lassie.  Next morning, Kate was solemnly advised never to
write again to the laird, while the lady wrote him a letter, which,
she said, would be as good as a birch to the breech of the boy.
Nothing, therefore, for some time, indeed, throughout the year, came
of the matter; but her ladyship, when Mrs Balwhidder soon after
called on her, said that I was a nose-of-wax, and that she never
would speak to me again, which surely was not a polite thing to say
to Mrs Balwhidder, my second wife.

This stramash was the first time I had interposed in the family
concerns of my people; for it was against my nature to make or
meddle with private actions saving only such as in course of nature
came before the session; but I was not satisfied with the principles
of Lady Macadam, and I began to be weary about Kate Malcolm's
situation with her ladyship, whose ways of thinking I saw were not
to be depended on, especially in those things wherein her pride and
vanity were concerned.  But the time ran on--the butterflies and the
blossoms were succeeded by the leaves and the fruit, and nothing of
a particular nature farther molested the general tranquillity of
this year; about the end of which, there came on a sudden frost,
after a tack of wet weather.  The roads were just a sheet of ice,
like a frozen river; insomuch that the coal-carts could not work;
and one of our cows, (Mrs Balwhidder said, after the accident, it
was our best; but it was not so much thought of before,) fell in
coming from the glebe to the byre, and broke its two hinder legs,
which obligated us to kill it, in order to put the beast out of
pain.  As this happened after we had salted our mart, it occasioned
us to have a double crop of puddings, and such a show of hams in the
kitchen, as was a marvel to our visitors to see.



CHAPTER XIII  YEAR 1772



On New-Year's night, this year, a thing happened, which, in its own
nature, was a trifle; but it turned out as a mustard-seed that grows
into a great tree.  One of the elders, who has long been dead and
gone, came to the manse about a fact that was found out in the
clachan, and after we had discoursed on it some time, he rose to
take his departure.  I went with him to the door with the candle in
my hand--it was a clear frosty night, with a sharp wind; and the
moment I opened the door, the blast blew out the candle, so that I
heedlessly, with the candlestick in my hand, walked with him to the
yett without my hat, by which I took a sore cold in my head, that
brought on a dreadful toothache; insomuch, that I was obligated to
go into Irville to get the tooth drawn, and this caused my face to
swell to such a fright, that, on the Sabbath-day, I could not preach
to my people.  There was, however, at that time, a young man, one Mr
Heckletext, tutor in Sir Hugh Montgomerie's family, and who had
shortly before been licensed.  Finding that I would not be able to
preach myself, I sent to him, and begged he would officiate for me,
which he very pleasantly consented to do, being, like all the young
clergy, thirsting to show his light to the world.  'Twixt the fore
and afternoon's worship, he took his check of dinner at the manse,
and I could not but say that he seemed both discreet and sincere.
Judge, however, what was brewing, when the same night Mr Lorimore
came and told me, that Mr Heckletext was the suspected person anent
the fact that had been instrumental, in the hand of a chastising
Providence, to afflict me with the toothache, in order, as it
afterwards came to pass, to bring the hidden hypocrisy of the
ungodly preacher to light.  It seems that the donsie lassie who was
in fault, had gone to the kirk in the afternoon, and seeing who was
in the pulpit, where she expected to see me, was seized with the
hysterics, and taken with her crying on the spot, the which being
untimely, proved the death of both mother and bairn, before the
thing was properly laid to the father's charge.

This caused a great uproar in the parish.  I was sorely blamed to
let such a man as Mr Heckletext go up into my pulpit, although I was
as ignorant of his offences as the innocent child that perished;
and, in an unguarded hour, to pacify some of the elders, who were
just distracted about the disgrace, I consented to have him called
before the session.  He obeyed the call, and in a manner that I will
never forget; for he was a sorrow of sin and audacity, and demanded
to know why, and for what reason, he was summoned.  I told him the
whole affair in my calm and moderate way; but it was oil cast upon a
burning coal.  He flamed up in a terrible passion; threepit at the
elders that they had no proof whatever of his having had any
trafficking in the business, which was the case; for it was only a
notion, the poor deceased lassie never having made a disclosure:
called them libellous conspirators against his character, which was
his only fortune, and concluded by threatening to punish them,
though he exempted me from the injury which their slanderous
insinuations had done to his prospects in life.  We were all
terrified, and allowed him to go away without uttering a word; and
sure enough he did bring a plea in the courts of Edinburgh against
Mr Lorimore and the elders for damages, laid at a great sum.

What might have been the consequence, no one can tell; but soon
after he married Sir Hugh's house-keeper, and went with her into
Edinburgh, where he took up a school; and, before the trial came on,
that is to say, within three months of the day that I myself married
them, Mrs Heckletext was delivered of a thriving lad bairn, which
would have been a witness for the elders, had the worst come to the
worst.  This was, indeed, we all thought, a joyous deliverance to
the parish, and it was a lesson to me never to allow any preacher to
mount my pulpit, unless I knew something of his moral character.

In other respects, this year passed very peaceably in the parish:
there was a visible increase of worldly circumstances, and the
hedges which had been planted along the toll-road, began to put
forth their branches, and to give new notions of orderlyness and
beauty to the farmers.  Mrs Malcolm heard from time to time from her
son Charles, on board the man-of-war the Avenger, where he was
midshipman; and he had found a friend in the captain, that was just
a father to him.  Her second son, Robert, being out of his time at
Irville, went to the Clyde to look for a berth, and was hired to go
to Jamaica, in a ship called the Trooper.  He was a lad of greater
sobriety of nature than Charles; douce, honest, and faithful; and
when he came home, though he brought no limes to me to make punch,
like his brother, he brought a Muscovy duck to Lady Macadam, who
had, as I have related, in a manner educated his sister Kate.  That
duck was the first of the kind we had ever seen, and many thought it
was of the goose species, only with short bowly legs.  It was,
however, a tractable and homely beast; and after some confabulation,
as my lady herself told Mrs Balwhidder, it was received into
fellowship by her other ducks and poultry.  It is not, however, so
much on account of the rarity of the creature, that I have
introduced it here, as for the purpose of relating a wonderful
operation that was performed on it by Miss Sabrina, the
schoolmistress.

There happened to be a sack of beans in our stable, and Lady
Macadam's hens and fowls, which were not overly fed at home through
the inattention of her servants, being great stravaigers for their
meat, in passing the door went in to pick, and the Muscovy, seeing a
hole in the bean-sack, dabbled out a crapful before she was
disturbed.  The beans swelled on the poor bird's stomach, and her
crap bellied out like the kyte of a Glasgow magistrate, until it was
just a sight to be seen with its head back on its shoulders.  The
bairns of the clachan followed it up and down, crying, the lady's
muckle jock's aye growing bigger, till every heart was wae for the
creature.  Some thought it was afflicted with a tympathy, and
others, that it was the natural way for such-like ducks to cleck
their young.  In short, we were all concerned; and my lady, having a
great opinion of Miss Sabrina's skill, had a consultation with her
on the case, at which Miss Sabrina advised, that what she called the
Caesarean operation should be tried, which she herself performed
accordingly, by opening the creature's crap, and taking out as many
beans as filled a mutchkin stoup, after which she sewed it up, and
the Muscovy went its way to the water-side, and began to swim, and
was as jocund as ever; insomuch, that in three days after it was
quite cured of all the consequences of its surfeit.

I had at one time a notion to send an account of this to the Scots
Magazine, but something always came in the way to prevent me; so
that it has been reserved for a place in this chronicle, being,
after Mr Heckletext's affair, the most memorable thing in our
history of this year.



CHAPTER XIV  YEAR 1773



In this Ann. Dom. there was something like a plea getting to a head,
between the session and some of the heritors, about a new school-
house; the thatch having been torn from the rigging of the old one
by a blast of wind, on the first Monday of February, by which a
great snow storm got admission, and the school was rendered utterly
uninhabitable.  The smaller sort of lairds were very willing to come
into the plan with an extra contribution, because they respected the
master, and their bairns were at the school; but the gentlemen, who
had tutors in their own houses, were not so manageable; and some of
them even went so far as to say, that the kirk, being only wanted on
Sunday, would do very well for a school all the rest of the week,
which was a very profane way of speaking; and I was resolved to set
myself against any such thing, and to labour, according to the power
and efficacy of my station, to get a new school built.

Many a meeting the session had on the subject; and the heritors
debated, and discussed, and revised their proceedings, and still no
money for the needful work was forthcoming.  Whereupon it happened
one morning, as I was rummaging in my scrutoire, that I laid my hand
on the Lord Eaglesham's letter anent Charles Malcolm; and it was put
into my head at that moment, that if I was to write to his lordship,
who was the greatest heritor, and owned now the major part of the
parish, that by his help and influence I might be an instrument to
the building of a comfortable new school.  Accordingly, I sat down
and wrote my lord all about the accident, and the state of the
school-house, and the divisions and seditions among the heritors,
and sent the letter to him at London by the post the same day,
without saying a word to any living soul on the subject.

This in me was an advised thought; for, by the return of post, his
lordship with his own hand, in a most kind manner, authorized me to
say that he would build a new school at his own cost, and bade me go
over and consult about it with his steward at the castle, to whom he
had written by the same post the necessary instructions.  Nothing
could exceed the gladness which the news gave to the whole parish,
and none said more in behalf of his lordship's bounty and liberality
than the heritors; especially those gentry who grudged the
undertaking, when it was thought that it would have to come out of
their own pock-nook.

In the course of the summer, just as the roof was closing in of the
school-house, my lord came to the castle with a great company, and
was not there a day till he sent for me to come over, on the next
Sunday, to dine with him; but I sent him word that I could not do
so, for it would be a transgression of the Sabbath, which made him
send his own gentleman, to make his apology for having taken so
great a liberty with me, and to beg me to come on the Monday, which
I accordingly did, and nothing could be better than the discretion
with which I was used.  There was a vast company of English ladies
and gentlemen, and his lordship, in a most jocose manner, told them
all how he had fallen on the midden, and how I had clad him in my
clothes, and there was a wonder of laughing and diversion; but the
most particular thing in the company, was a large, round-faced man,
with a wig, that was a dignitary in some great Episcopalian church
in London, who was extraordinary condescending towards me, drinking
wine with me at the table, and saying weighty sentences, in a fine
style of language, about the becoming grace of simplicity and
innocence of heart, in the clergy of all denominations of
Christians, which I was pleased to hear; for really he had a proud
red countenance, and I could not have thought he was so mortified to
humility within, had I not heard with what sincerity he delivered
himself, and seen how much reverence and attention was paid to him
by all present, particularly by my lord's chaplain, who was a pious
and pleasant young divine, though educated at Oxford for the
Episcopalian persuasion.

One day, soon after, as I was sitting in my closet conning a sermon
for the next Sunday, I was surprised by a visit from the dean, as
the dignitary was called.  He had come, he said, to wait on me as
rector of the parish--for so, it seems, they call a pastor in
England--and to say, that, if it was agreeable, he would take a
family dinner with us before he left the castle.  I could make no
objection to this kindness; but said I hoped my lord would come with
him, and that we would do our best to entertain them with all
suitable hospitality.  About an hour or so after he had returned to
the castle, one of the flunkeys brought a letter from his lordship,
to say, that not only he would come with the dean, but that they
would bring his other guests with them; and that, as they could only
drink London wine, the butler would send me a hamper in the morning,
assured, as he was pleased to say, that Mrs Balwhidder would
otherwise provide good cheer.

This notification, however, was a great trouble to my wife, who was
only used to manufacture the produce of our glebe and yard to a
profitable purpose, and not used to the treatment of deans and
lords, and other persons of quality.  However, she was determined to
stretch a point on this occasion; and we had, as all present
declared, a charming dinner; for fortunately one of the sows had a
litter of pigs a few days before, and in addition to a goose, that
is but a boss bird, we had a roasted pig with an apple in its mouth,
which was just a curiosity to see; and my lord called it a tithe
pig; but I told him it was one of Mrs Balwhidder's own clecking,
which saying of mine made no little sport when expounded to the
dean.

But, och how! this was the last happy summer that we had for many a
year in the parish; and an omen of the dule that ensued, was in a
sacrilegious theft that a daft woman, Jenny Gaffaw, and her idiot
daughter, did in the kirk, by tearing off and stealing the green
serge lining of my lord's pew, to make, as they said, a hap for
their shoulders in the cold weather--saving, however, the sin, we
paid no attention at the time to the mischief and tribulation that
so unheard-of a trespass boded to us all.  It took place about Yule,
when the weather was cold and frosty, and poor Jenny was not very
able to go about seeking her meat as usual.  The deed, however, was
mainly done by her daughter, who, when brought before me, said, "her
poor mother's back had mair need of claes than the kirk-boards;"
which was so true a thing, that I could not punish her, but wrote
anent it to my lord, who not only overlooked the offence, but sent
orders to the servants at the castle to be kind to the poor woman,
and the natural, her daughter.



CHAPTER XV  YEAR 1774



When I look back on this year, and compare what happened therein
with the things that had gone before, I am grieved to the heart, and
pressed down with an afflicted spirit.  We had, as may be read,
trials and tribulations in the days that were past; and in the rank
and boisterous times of the smuggling there was much sin and blemish
among us, but nothing so dark and awful as what fell out in the
course of this unhappy year.  The evil omen of daft Jenny Gaffaw and
her daughter's sacrilege, had soon a bloody verification.

About the beginning of the month of March in this year, the war in
America was kindling so fast that the government was obligated to
send soldiers over the sea, in the hope to quell the rebellious
temper of the plantations; and a party of a regiment that was
quartered at Ayr was ordered to march to Greenock, to be there
shipped off.  The men were wild and wicked profligates, without the
fear of the Lord before their eyes; and some of them had drawn up
with light women in Ayr, who followed them on their march.  This the
soldiers did not like, not wishing to be troubled with such gear in
America; so the women, when they got the length of Kilmarnock, were
ordered to retreat and go home, which they all did but one Jean
Glaikit, who persisted in her intent to follow her joe, Patrick
O'Neil, a Catholic Irish corporal.  The man did, as he said, all in
his capacity to persuade her to return, but she was a contumacious
limmer, and would not listen to reason; so that, in passing along
our toll-road, from less to more, the miserable wretches fell out,
and fought, and the soldier put an end to her with a hasty knock on
the head with his firelock, and marched on after his comrades.

The body of the woman was, about half an hour after, found by the
scholars of Mr Lorimore's school, who had got the play to see the
marching, and to hear the drums of the soldiers.  Dreadful was the
shout and the cry throughout the parish at this foul work.  Some of
the farmer lads followed the soldiers on horseback, and others ran
to Sir Hugh, who was a justice of the peace, for his advice.--Such a
day as that was!

However, the murderer was taken, and, with his arms tied behind him
with a cord, he was brought back to the parish, where he confessed
before Sir Hugh the deed, and how it happened.  He was then put in a
cart, and, being well guarded by six of the lads, was taken to Ayr
jail.

It was not long after this that the murderer was brought to trial,
and, being found guilty on his own confession, he was sentenced to
be executed, and his body to be hung in chains near the spot where
the deed was done.  I thought that all in the parish would have run
to desperation with horror when the news of this came, and I wrote
immediately to the Lord Eaglesham to get this done away by the
merciful power of the government, which he did, to our great solace
and relief.

In the autumn, the young Laird Macadam, being ordered with his
regiment for the Americas, got leave from the king to come and see
his lady mother, before his departure.  But it was not to see her
only, as will presently appear.

Knowing how much her ladyship was averse to the notion he had of
Kate Malcolm, he did not write of his coming, lest she would send
Kate out of the way, but came in upon them at a late hour, as they
were wasting their precious time, as was the nightly wont of my
lady, with a pack of cards; and so far was she from being pleased to
see him, that no sooner did she behold his face, but, like a tap of
tow, she kindled upon both him and Kate, and ordered them out of her
sight and house.  The young folk had discretion:  Kate went home to
her mother, and the laird came to the manse, and begged us to take
him in.  He then told me what had happened; and that, having bought
a captain's commission, he was resolved to marry Kate, and hoped I
would perform the ceremony, if her mother would consent.  "As for
mine," said he, "she will never agree; but, when the thing is done,
her pardon will not be difficult to get; for, with all her whims and
caprice, she is generous and affectionate."  In short, he so wiled
and beguiled me, that I consented to marry them, if Mrs Malcolm was
agreeable.  "I will not disobey my mother," said he, "by asking her
consent, which I know she will refuse; and, therefore, the sooner it
is done the better."  So we then stepped over to Mrs Malcolm's
house, where we found that saintly woman, with Kate and Effie, and
Willie, sitting peacefully at their fireside, preparing to read
their Bibles for the night.  When we went in, and when I saw Kate,
that was so ladylike there, with the decent humility of her parent's
dwelling, I could not but think she was destined for a better
station; and when I looked at the captain, a handsome youth, I
thought surely their marriage is made in heaven; and so I said to
Mrs Malcolm, who after a time consented, and likewise agreed that
her daughter should go with the captain to America; for her faith
and trust in the goodness of Providence was great and boundless,
striving, as it were, to be even with its tender mercies.
Accordingly, the captain's man was sent to bid the chaise wait that
had taken him to the lady's, and the marriage was sanctified by me
before we left Mrs Malcolm's.  No doubt, they ought to have been
proclaimed three several Sabbaths; but I satisfied the session, at
our first meeting, on account of the necessity of the case.  The
young couple went in the chaise travelling to Glasgow, authorising
me to break the matter to Lady Macadam, which was a sore task; but I
was spared from the performance.  For her ladyship had come to
herself, and thinking on her own rashness in sending away Kate and
the captain in the way she had done, she was like one by herself.
All the servants were scattered out and abroad in quest of the
lovers; and some of them, seeing the chaise drive from Mrs Malcolm's
door with them in it, and me coming out, jealoused what had been
done, and told their mistress outright of the marriage, which was to
her like a clap of thunder; insomuch that she flung herself back in
her settee, and was beating and drumming with her heels on the
floor, like a madwoman in Bedlam, when I entered the room.  For some
time she took no notice of me, but continued her din; but, by-and-
by, she began to turn her eyes in fiery glances upon me, till I was
terrified lest she would fly at me with her claws in her fury.  At
last she stopped all at once, and in a calm voice, said, "But it
cannot now be helped, where are the vagabonds?"--"They are gone,"
replied I.--"Gone?" cried she, "gone where?"--"To America, I
suppose," was my answer; upon which she again threw herself back in
the settee, and began again to drum and beat with her feet as
before.  But not to dwell on small particularities, let it suffice
to say, that she sent her coachman on one of her coach horses,
which, being old and stiff, did not overtake the fugitives till they
were in their bed at Kilmarnock, where they stopped that night; but
when they came back to the lady's in the morning, she was as cagey
and meikle taken up with them, as if they had gotten her full
consent and privilege to marry from the first.  Thus was the first
of Mrs Malcolm's children well and creditably settled.  I have only
now to conclude with observing, that my son Gilbert was seized with
the smallpox about the beginning of December, and was blinded by
them for seventeen days; for the inoculation was not in practice yet
among us, saving only in the genteel families that went into
Edinburgh for the education of their children, where it was
performed by the faculty there.



CHAPTER XVI  YEAR 1775



The regular course of nature is calm and orderly, and tempests and
troubles are but lapses from the accustomed sobriety with which
Providence works out the destined end of all things.  From Yule till
Pace-Monday there had been a gradual subsidence of our personal and
parochial tribulations, and the spring, though late, set in bright
and beautiful, and was accompanied with the spirit of contentment;
so that, excepting the great concern that we all began to take in
the American rebellion, especially on account of Charles Malcolm
that was in the man-of-war, and of Captain Macadam that had married
Kate, we had throughout the better half of the year but little
molestation of any sort.  I should, however, note the upshot of the
marriage.

By some cause that I do not recollect, if I ever had it properly
told, the regiment wherein the captain had bought his commission was
not sent to the plantations, but only over to Ireland, by which the
captain and his lady were allowed to prolong their stay in the
parish with his mother; and he, coming of age while he was among us,
in making a settlement on his wife, bought the house at the
Braehead, which was then just built by Thomas Shivers the mason, and
he gave that house, with a judicious income, to Mrs Malcolm, telling
her that it was not becoming, he having it in his power to do the
contrary, that she should any longer be dependent on her own
industry.  For this the young man got a name like a sweet odour in
all the country side; but that whimsical and prelatic lady his
mother, just went out of all bounds, and played such pranks for an
old woman, as cannot be told.  To her daughter-in-law, however, she
was wonderful kind; and, in fitting her out for going with the
captain to Dublin, it was extraordinary to hear what a paraphernalia
she provided her with.  But who could have thought that in this
kindness a sore trial was brewing for me!

It happened that Miss Betty Wudrife, the daughter of an heritor, had
been on a visit to some of her friends in Edinburgh; and being in at
Edinburgh, she came out with a fine mantle, decked and adorned with
many a ribbon-knot, such as had never been seen in the parish.  The
Lady Macadam, hearing of this grand mantle, sent to beg Miss Betty
to lend it to her, to make a copy for young Mrs Macadam.  But Miss
Betty was so vogie with her gay mantle, that she sent back word, it
would be making it o'er common; which so nettled the old courtly
lady, that she vowed revenge, and said the mantle would not be long
seen on Miss Betty.  Nobody knew the meaning of her words; but she
sent privately for Miss Sabrina, the schoolmistress, who was aye
proud of being invited to my lady's, where she went on the Sabbath
night to drink tea, and read Thomson's SEASONS and Hervey's
MEDITATIONS for her ladyship's recreation.  Between the two, a
secret plot was laid against Miss Betty and her Edinburgh mantle;
and Miss Sabrina, in a very treacherous manner, for the which I
afterwards chided her severely, went to Miss Betty, and got a sight
of the mantle, and how it was made, and all about it, until she was
in a capacity to make another like it; by which my lady and her,
from old silk and satin negligees which her ladyship had worn at the
French court, made up two mantles of the selfsame fashion as Miss
Betty's, and, if possible, more sumptuously garnished, but in a
flagrant fool way.  On the Sunday morning after, her ladyship sent
for Jenny Gaffaw, and her daft daughter Meg, and showed them the
mantles, and said she would give then half-a-crown if they would go
with them to the kirk, and take their place in the bench beside the
elders, and, after worship, walk home before Miss Betty Wudrife.
The two poor natural things were just transported with the sight of
such bravery, and needed no other bribe; so, over their bits of
ragged duds, they put on the pageantry, and walked away to the kirk
like peacocks, and took their place on the bench, to the great
diversion of the whole congregation.

I had no suspicion of this, and had prepared an affecting discourse
about the horrors of war, in which I touched, with a tender hand, on
the troubles that threatened families and kindred in America; but
all the time I was preaching, doing my best, and expatiating till
the tears came into my eyes, I could not divine what was the cause
of the inattention of my people.  But the two vain haverels were on
the bench under me, and I could not see them; where they sat,
spreading their feathers and picking their wings, stroking down and
setting right their finery; with such an air as no living soul could
see and withstand; while every eye in the kirk was now on them, and
now at Miss Betty Wudrife, who was in a worse situation than if she
had been on the stool of repentance.

Greatly grieved with the little heed that was paid to my discourse,
I left the pulpit with a heavy heart; but when I came out into the
kirkyard, and saw the two antics linking like ladies, and aye
keeping in the way before Miss Betty, and looking back and around in
their pride and admiration, with high heads and a wonderful pomp, I
was really overcome, and could not keep my gravity, but laughed loud
out among the graves, and in the face of all my people; who, seeing
how I was vanquished in that unguarded moment by my enemy, made a
universal and most unreverent breach of all decorum, at which Miss
Betty, who had been the cause of all, ran into the first open door,
and almost fainted away with mortification.

This affair was regarded by the elders as a sinful trespass on the
orderlyness that was needful in the Lord's house; and they called on
me at the manse that night, and said it would be a guilty connivance
if I did not rebuke and admonish Lady Macadam of the evil of her
way; for they had questioned daft Jenny, and had got at the bottom
of the whole plot and mischief.  But I, who knew her ladyship's
light way, would fain have had the elders to overlook it, rather
than expose myself to her tantrums; but they considered the thing as
a great scandal, so I was obligated to conform to their wishes.  I
might, however, have as well stayed at home, for her ladyship was in
one of her jocose humours when I went to speak to her on the
subject; and it was so far from my power to make a proper impression
on her of the enormity that had been committed, that she made me
laugh, in spite of my reason, at the fantastical drollery of her
malicious prank on Miss Betty Wudrife.

It, however, did not end here; for the session, knowing that it was
profitless to speak to the daft mother and daughter, who had been
the instruments, gave orders to Willy Howking, the betheral, not to
let them again so far into the kirk; and Willy, having scarcely more
sense than them both, thought proper to keep them out next Sunday
altogether.  The twa said nothing at the time, but the adversary was
busy with them; for, on the Wednesday following, there being a
meeting of the synod at Ayr, to my utter amazement the mother and
daughter made their appearance there in all their finery, and raised
a complaint against me and the session, for debarring them from
church privileges.  No stage play could have produced such an
effect.  I was perfectly dumfoundered; and every member of the synod
might have been tied with a straw, they were so overcome with this
new device of that endless woman, when bent on provocation--the Lady
Macadam; in whom the saying was verified, that old folk are twice
bairns; for in such plays, pranks, and projects, she was as playrife
as a very lassie at her sampler; and this is but a swatch to what
lengths she would go.  The complaint was dismissed, by which the
session and me were assoilzied; but I'll never forget till the day
of my death what I suffered on that occasion, to be so put to the
wall by two born idiots.



CHAPTER XVII  YEAR 1776



It belongs to the chroniclers of the realm to describe the damage
and detriment which fell on the power and prosperity of the kingdom,
by reason of the rebellion, that was fired into open war, against
the name and authority of the king in the plantations of America;
for my task is to describe what happened within the narrow bound of
the pasturage of the Lord's flock, of which, in his bounty and
mercy, he made me the humble, willing, but alas! the weak and
ineffectual shepherd.

About the month of February, a recruiting party came to our
neighbour town of Irville, to beat up for men to be soldiers against
the rebels; and thus the battle was brought, as it were, to our
gates; for the very first man that took on with them was one Thomas
Wilson, a cottar in our clachan, who, up to that time, had been a
decent and creditable character.  He was at first a farmer lad, but
had forgathered with a doited tawpy, whom he married, and had
offspring three or four.  For some time it was noticed that he had a
down and thoughtful look, that his cleeding was growing bare, and
that his wife kept an untrig house, which, it was feared by many,
was the cause of Thomas going o'er often to the change-house; he
was, in short, during the greater part of the winter, evidently a
man foregone in the pleasures of this world, which made all that
knew him compassionate his situation.

No doubt, it was his household ills that burdened him past bearing,
and made him go into Irville, when he heard of the recruiting, and
take on to be a soldier.  Such a wally-wallying as the news of this
caused at every door; for the red-coats--from the persecuting days,
when the black-cuffs rampaged through the country--soldiers that
fought for hire were held in dread and as a horror among us, and
terrible were the stories that were told of their cruelty and
sinfulness; indeed, there had not been wanting in our time a sample
of what they were, as witness the murder of Jean Glaikit by Patrick
O'Neil, the Irish corporal, anent which I have treated at large in
the memorables of the year 1774.

A meeting of the session was forthwith held; for here was Thomas
Wilson's wife and all his weans, an awful cess, thrown upon the
parish; and it was settled outright among us, that Mr Docken, who
was then an elder, but is since dead, a worthy man, with a soft
tongue and a pleasing manner, should go to Irville, and get Thomas,
if possible, released from the recruiters.  But it was all in vain;
the sergeant would not listen to him, for Thomas was a strapping
lad; nor would the poor infatuated man himself agree to go back, but
cursed like a cadger, and swore that, if he stayed any longer among
his plagues, he would commit some rash act; so we were saddled with
his family, which was the first taste and preeing of what war is
when it comes into our hearths, and among the breadwinners.

The evil, however, did not stop here.  Thomas, when he was dressed
out in the king's clothes, came over to see his bairns, and take a
farewell of his friends, and he looked so gallant, that the very
next market-day another lad of the parish listed with him; but he
was a ramplor, roving sort of a creature, and, upon the whole, it
was thought he did well for the parish when he went to serve the
king.

The listing was a catching distemper.  Before the summer was over,
the other three of the farming lads went off with the drum, and
there was a wailing in the parish, which made me preach a touching
discourse.  I likened the parish to a widow woman with a small
family, sitting in her cottage by the fireside, herself spinning
with an eident wheel, ettling her best to get them a bit and a brat,
and the poor weans all canty about the hearthstane--the little ones
at their playocks, and the elder at their tasks--the callans working
with hooks and lines to catch them a meal of fish in the morning--
and the lassies working stockings to sell at the next Marymas fair.-
-And then I likened war to a calamity coming among them--the callans
drowned at their fishing--the lassies led to a misdoing--and the
feckless wee bairns laid on the bed of sickness, and their poor
forlorn mother sitting by herself at the embers of a cauldrife fire;
her tow done, and no a bodle to buy more; drooping a silent and salt
tear for her babies, and thinking of days that war gone, and, like
Rachel weeping for her children, she would not be comforted.  With
this I concluded, for my own heart filled full with the thought, and
there was a deep sob in the Church; verily it was Rachel weeping for
her children.

In the latter end of the year, the man-of-war, with Charles Malcolm
in her, came to the tail of the Bank at Greenock, to press men as it
was thought, and Charles got leave from his captain to come and see
his mother; and he brought with him Mr Howard, another midshipman,
the son of a great parliament man in London, which, as we have
tasted the sorrow, gave us some insight into the pomp of war,
Charles was now grown up into a fine young man, rattling, light-
hearted, and just a cordial of gladness, and his companion was every
bit like him.  They were dressed in their fine gold-laced garbs and
nobody knew Charles when he came to the clachan, but all wondered,
for they were on horseback, and rode to the house where his mother
lived when he went away, but which was then occupied by Miss Sabrina
and her school.  Miss Sabrina had never seen Charles, but she had
heard of him; and when he enquired for his mother, she guessed who
he was, and showed him the way to the new house that the captain had
bought for her.

Miss Sabrina, who was a little overly perjink at times, behaved
herself on this occasion with a true spirit, and gave her lassies
the play immediately; so that the news of Charles's return was
spread by them like wildfire, and there was a wonderful joy in the
whole town.  When Charles had seen his mother, and his sister Effie,
with that douce and well-mannered lad William, his brother--for of
their meeting I cannot speak, not being present--he then came with
his friend to see me at the manse, and was most jocose with me, and,
in a way of great pleasance, got Mrs Balwhidder to ask his friend to
sleep at the manse.  In short, we had just a ploy the whole two days
they stayed with us, and I got leave from Lord Eaglesham's steward
to let them shoot on my lord's land; and I believe every laddie wean
in the parish attended them to the field.  As for old Lady Macadam,
Charles being, as she said, a near relation, and she having likewise
some knowledge of his comrade's family, she was just in her element
with them, though they were but youths; for she a woman naturally of
a fantastical, and, as I have narrated, given to comical devices,
and pranks to a degree.  She made for them a ball, to which she
invited all the bonniest lassies, far and near, in the parish, and
was out of the body with mirth, and had a fiddler from Irville; and
it was thought by those that were there, that had she not been
crippled with the rheumatics, she would have danced herself.  But I
was concerned to hear both Charles and his friend, like hungry
hawks, rejoicing at the prospect of the war, hoping thereby, as soon
as their midship term was out, to be made lieutenants; saving this,
there was no allay in the happiness they brought with them to the
parish, and it was a delight to see how auld and young of all
degrees made of Charles; for we were proud of him, and none more
than myself, though he began to take liberties with me, calling me
old governor; it was, however, in a warm-hearted manner, only I did
not like it when any of the elders heard.  As for his mother, she
deported herself like a saint on the occasion.  There was a
temperance in the pleasure of her heart, and in her thankfulness,
that is past the compass of words to describe.  Even Lady Macadam,
who never could think a serious thought all her days, said, in her
wild way that the gods had bestowed more care in the making of Mrs
Malcolm's temper, than on the bodies and souls of all the saints in
the calendar.  On the Sunday the strangers attended divine worship,
and I preached a sermon purposely for them, and enlarged at great
length and fulness on how David overcame Goliath; and they both told
me that they had never heard such a good discourse; but I do not
think they were great judges of preachings.  How, indeed, could Mr
Howard know anything of sound doctrine, being educated, as he told
me, at Eton school, a prelatic establishment!  Nevertheless, he was
a fine lad; and though a little given to frolic and diversion, he
had a principle of integrity, that afterwards kythed into much
virtue; for, during this visit, he took a notion of Effie Malcolm,
and the lassie of him, then a sprightly and blooming creature, fair
to look upon, and blithe to see; and he kept up a correspondence
with her till the war was over, when being a captain of a frigate,
he came down among us, and they were married by me, as shall be
related in its proper place.



CHAPTER XVIII  YEAR 1777



This may well be called the year of the heavy heart, for we had sad
tidings of the lads that went away as soldiers to America.  First,
there was a boding in the minds of all their friends that they were
never to see them more; and their sadness, like a mist spreading
from the waters and covering the fields, darkened the spirit of the
neighbours.  Secondly, a sound was bruited about that the king's
forces would have a hot and a sore struggle before the rebels were
put down, if they were ever put down.  Then came the cruel truth of
all that the poor lads' friends had feared.  But it is fit and
proper that I should relate at length, under their several heads,
the sorrows and afflictions as they came to pass.

One evening, as I was taking my walk alone, meditating my discourse
for the next Sabbath--it was shortly after Candlemas--it was a fine
clear frosty evening, just as the sun was setting.  Taking my walk
alone, and thinking of the dreadfulness of Almighty power, and how
that, if it was not tempered and restrained by infinite goodness,
and wisdom, and mercy, the miserable sinner, man, and all things
that live, would be in a woeful state, I drew near the beild where
old Widow Mirkland lived by herself, who was grand-mother to Jock
Hempy, the ramplor lad, that was the second who took on for a
soldier.  I did mind of this at the time; but, passing the house, I
heard the croon, as it were, of a laden soul busy with the Lord,
and, not to disturb the holy workings of grace, I paused and
listened.  It was old Mizy Mirkland herself, sitting at the gable of
the house, looking at the sun setting in all his glory behind the
Arran hills; but she was not praying--only moaning to herself--an
oozing out, as it might be called, of the spirit from her heart,
then grievously oppressed with sorrow, and heavy bodements of grey
hairs and poverty.--"Yonder it slips awa'," she was saying, "and my
poor bairn, that's o'er the seas in America, is maybe looking on its
bright face, thinking of his hame, and aiblins of me, that did my
best to breed him up in the fear of the Lord; but I couldna warsle
wi' what was ordained.  Ay, Jock! as ye look at the sun gaun down,
as many a time, when ye were a wee innocent laddie at my knee here,
I hae bade ye look at him as a type of your Maker, ye will hae a
sore heart; for ye hae left me in my need, when ye should hae been
near at hand to help me, for the hard labour and industry with which
I brought you up.  But it's the Lord's will.  Blessed be the name of
the Lord, that makes us to thole the tribulations of this world, and
will reward us, through the mediation of Jesus, hereafter."  She
wept bitterly as she said this, for her heart was tried, but the
blessing of a religious contentment was shed upon her; and I stepped
up to her, and asked about her concerns, for, saving as a
parishioner, and a decent old woman, I knew little of her.  Brief
was her story; but it was one of misfortune.--"But I will not
complain," she said, "of the measure that has been meted unto me.  I
was left myself an orphan; when I grew up, and was married to my
gude-man, I had known but scant and want.  Our days of felicity were
few; and he was ta'en awa' from me shortly after my Mary was born.
A wailing baby, and a widow's heart, was a' he left me.  I nursed
her with my salt tears, and bred her in straits; but the favour of
God was with us, and she grew up to womanhood as lovely as the rose,
and as blameless as the lily.  In her time she was married to a
farming lad.  There never was a brawer pair in the kirk, than on
that day when they gaed there first as man and wife.  My heart was
proud, and it pleased the Lord to chastise my pride--to nip my
happiness, even in the bud.  The very next day he got his arm
crushed.  It never got well again; and he fell into a decay, and
died in the winter, leaving my Mary far on in the road to be a
mother.

"When her time drew near, we both happened to be working in the
yard.  She was delving to plant potatoes, and I told her it would do
her hurt; but she was eager to provide something, as she said, for
what might happen.  Oh! it was an ill-omened word.  The same night
her trouble came on, and before the morning she was a cauld corpse,
and another wee wee fatherless baby was greeting at my bosom--it was
him that's noo awa' in America.  He grew up to be a fine bairn, with
a warm heart, but a light head, and, wanting the rein of a father's
power upon him, was no sa douce as I could have wished; but he was
no man's foe save his own.  I thought, and hoped, as he grew to
years of discretion, he would have sobered, and been a consolation
to my old age; but he's gone, and he'll never come back--
disappointment is my portion in this world, and I have no hope;
while I can do, I will seek no help, but threescore and fifteen can
do little, and a small ail is a great evil to an aged woman, who has
but the distaff for her breadwinner."

I did all that I could to bid her be of good cheer, but the comfort
of a hopeful spirit was dead within her; and she told me, that by
many tokens she was assured her bairn was already slain.--"Thrice,"
said she, "I have seen his wraith--the first time he was in the
pride of his young manhood, the next he was pale and wan, with a
bloody and gashy wound in his side, and the third time there was a
smoke, and, when it cleared away, I saw him in a grave, with neither
winding-sheet nor coffin."

The tale of this pious and resigned spirit dwelt in mine ear, and,
when I went home, Mrs Balwhidder thought that I had met with an
o'ercome, and was very uneasy; so she got the tea soon ready to make
me better; but scarcely had we tasted the first cup when a loud
lamentation was heard in the kitchen.  This was from that tawpy the
wife of Thomas Wilson, with her three weans.  They had been seeking
their meat among the farmer houses, and, in coming home, forgathered
on the road with the Glasgow carrier, who told them that news had
come, in the London Gazette, of a battle, in which the regiment that
Thomas had listed in was engaged, and had suffered loss both in rank
and file; none doubting that their head was in the number of the
slain, the whole family grat aloud, and came to the manse, bewailing
him as no more; and it afterwards turned out to be the case, making
it plain to me that there is a farseeing discernment in the spirit,
that reaches beyond the scope of our incarnate senses.

But the weight of the war did not end with these afflictions; for,
instead of the sorrow that the listing caused, and the anxiety
after, and the grief of the bloody tidings, operating as wholesome
admonition to our young men, the natural perversity of the human
heart was more and more manifested.  A wonderful interest was raised
among us all to hear of what was going on in the world; insomuch,
that I myself was no longer contented with the relation of the news
of the month in the Scots Magazine, but joined with my father-in-
law, Mr Kibbock, to get a newspaper twice a-week from Edinburgh.  As
for Lady Macadam, who being naturally an impatient woman, she had
one sent to her three times a-week from London, so that we had
something fresh five times every week; and the old papers were lent
out to the families who had friends in the wars.  This was done on
my suggestion, hoping it would make all content with their peaceable
lot; but dominion for a time had been given to the power of
contrariness, and it had quite an opposite effect.  It begot a
curiosity, egging on to enterprise; and, greatly to my sorrow, three
of the brawest lads in the parish, or in any parish, all in one day
took on with a party of the Scots Greys that were then lying in Ayr;
and nothing would satisfy the callans at Mr Lorimore's school, but,
instead of their innocent plays with girs, and shinties, and
sicklike, they must go ranking like soldiers, and fight sham-fights
in bodies.  In short, things grew to a perfect hostility, for a
swarm of weans came out from the schools of Irville on a Saturday
afternoon, and, forgathering with ours, they had a battle with
stones on the toll-road, such as was dreadful to hear of; for many a
one got a mark that day he will take to the grave with him.

It was not, however, by accidents of the field only, that we were
afflicted; those of the flood, too, were sent likewise against us.
In the month of October, when the corn was yet in the holms, and on
the cold land by the river side, the water of Irville swelled to a
great spait, from bank to brae, sweeping all before it, and roaring,
in its might, like an agent of divine displeasure, sent forth to
punish the inhabitants of the earth.  The loss of the victual was a
thing reparable, and those that suffered did not greatly complain;
for, in other respects, their harvest had been plenteous:  but the
river, in its fury, not content with overflowing the lands, burst
through the sandy hills with a raging force, and a riving asunder of
the solid ground, as when the fountains of the great deep were
broken up.  All in the parish was a-foot, and on the hills, some
weeping and wringing their hands, not knowing what would happen,
when they beheld the landmarks of the waters deserted, and the river
breaking away through the country, like the war-horse set loose in
his pasture, and glorying in his might.  By this change in the way
and channel of the river, all the mills in our parish were left more
than half a mile from dam or lade; and the farmers through the whole
winter, till the new mills were built, had to travel through a heavy
road with their victual, which was a great grievance, and added not
a little to the afflictions of this unhappy year, which to me were
not without a particularity, by the death of a full cousin of Mrs
Balwhidder, my first wife; she was grievously burnt by looting over
a candle.  Her mutch, which was of the high structure then in vogue,
took fire, and being fastened with corking-pins to a great toupee,
it could not be got off until she had sustained a deadly injury, of
which, after lingering long, she was kindly eased by her removal
from trouble.  This sore accident was to me a matter of deep concern
and cogitation; but as it happened in Tarbolton, and no in our
parish, I have only alluded to it to show, that when my people were
chastised by the hand of Providence, their pastor was not spared,
but had a drop from the same vial.



CHAPTER XIX  YEAR 1778



This year was as the shadow of the bygane:  there was less actual
suffering, but what we came through cast a gloom among us, and we
did not get up our spirits till the spring was far advanced; the
corn was in the ear, and the sun far towards midsummer height,
before there was any regular show of gladness in the parish.

It was clear to me that the wars were not to be soon over; for I
noticed, in the course of this year, that there was a greater
christening of lad bairns than had ever been in any year during my
incumbency; and grave and wise persons, observant of the signs of
the times, said, that it had been long held as a sure
prognostication of war, when the births of male children outnumbered
that of females.

Our chief misfortune in this year was a revival of that wicked
mother of many mischiefs, the smuggling trade, which concerned me
greatly; but it was not allowed to it to make any thing like a
permanent stay among us, though in some of the neighbouring
parishes, its ravages, both in morals and property, were very
distressing, and many a mailing was sold to pay for the triumphs of
the cutters and gaugers; for the government was by this time grown
more eager, and the war caused the king's ships to be out and about,
which increased the trouble of the smugglers, whose wits in their
turn were thereby much sharpened.

After Mrs Malcolm, by the settlement of Captain Macadam, had given
up her dealing, two maiden women, that were sisters, Betty and Janet
Pawkie, came in among us from Ayr, where they had friends in league
with some of the laigh land folk, that carried on the contraband
with the Isle of Man, which was the very eye of the smuggling.  They
took up the tea-selling, which Mrs Malcolm had dropped, and did
business on a larger scale, having a general huxtry, with
parliament-cakes, and candles, and pincushions, as well as other
groceries, in their window.  Whether they had any contraband
dealings, or were only back-bitten, I cannot take it upon me to say;
but it was jealoused in the parish that the meal in the sacks, that
came to their door at night, and was sent to the Glasgow market in
the morning, was not made of corn.  They were, however, decent
women, both sedate and orderly; the eldest, Betty Pawkie, was of a
manly stature, and had a long beard, which made her have a coarse
look; but she was, nevertheless, a worthy, well-doing creature, and
at her death she left ten pounds to the poor of the parish, as may
be seen in the mortification board that the session put up in the
kirk as a testification and an example.

Shortly after the revival of the smuggling, an exciseman was put
among us, and the first was Robin Bicker, a very civil lad that had
been a flunkey with Sir Hugh Montgomerie, when he was a residenter
in Edinburgh, before the old Sir Hugh's death.  He was a queer
fellow, and had a coothy way of getting in about folk, the which was
very serviceable to him in his vocation; nor was he overly gleg:
but when a job was ill done, and he was obliged to notice it, he
would often break out on the smugglers for being so stupid, so that
for an exciseman he was wonderful well liked, and did not object to
a waught of brandy at a time; when the auld wives ca'd it well-
water.  It happened, however, that some unneighbourly person sent
him notice of a clecking of tea chests, or brandy kegs, at which
both Jenny and Betty Pawkie were the howdies.  Robin could not but
therefore enter their house; however, before going in, he just cried
at the door to somebody on the road, so as to let the twa
industrious lassies hear he was at hand.  They were not slack in
closing the trance-door, and putting stoups and stools behind it, so
as to cause trouble, and give time before any body could get in.
They then emptied their chaff-bed, and filled the tikeing with tea,
and Betty went in on the top, covering herself with the blanket, and
graining like a woman in labour.  It was thought that Robin Bicker
himself would not have been overly particular in searching the
house, considering there was a woman seemingly in the death-thraws;
but a sorner, an incomer from the east country, and that hung about
the change-house as a divor hostler, that would rather gang a day's
journey in the dark than turn a spade in day-light, came to him as
he stood at the door, and went in with him to see the sport.  Robin,
for some reason, could not bid him go away, and both Betty and Janet
were sure he was in the plot against them; indeed, it was always
thought he was an informer, and no doubt he was something not canny,
for he had a down look.

It was some time before the doorway was cleared of the stoups and
stools, and Jenny was in great concern, and flustered, as she said,
for her poor sister, who was taken with a heart-colic.  "I'm sorry
for her," said Robin, "but I'll be as quiet as possible;" and so he
searched all the house, but found nothing; at the which his
companion, the divor east country hostler, swore an oath that could
not be misunderstood; so, without more ado, but as all thought
against the grain, Robin went up to sympathize with Betty in the
bed, whose groans were loud and vehement.  "Let me feel your pulse,"
said Robin, and he looted down as she put forth her arm from aneath
the clothes, and laying his hand on the bed, cried, "Hey! what's
this? this is a costly filling."  Upon which Betty jumpet up quite
recovered, and Jenny fell to the wailing and railing, while the
hostler from the east country took the bed of tea on his back, to
carry it to the change-house, till a cart was gotten to take it into
the custom-house at Irville.

Betty Pawkie being thus suddenly cured, and grudging the loss of
property, took a knife in her hand, and as the divor was crossing
the burn at the stepping-stones that lead to the back of the change-
house, she ran after him and ripped up the tikeing, and sent all the
tea floating away on the burn, which was thought a brave action of
Betty, and the story not a little helped to lighten our melancholy
meditations.

Robin Bicker was soon after this affair removed to another district,
and we got in his place one Mungo Argyle, who was as proud as a
provost, being come of Highland parentage.  Black was the hour he
came among my people; for he was needy and greedy, and rode on the
top of his commission.  Of all the manifold ills in the train of
smuggling, surely the excisemen are the worst, and the setting of
this rabiator over us was a severe judgment for our sins.  But he
suffered for't, and peace be with him in the grave, where the wicked
cease from troubling!

Willie Malcolm, the youngest son of his mother, had by this time
learned all that Mr Lorimore, the schoolmaster, could teach; and as
it was evidenced to every body, by his mild manners and saintliness
of demeanour, that he was a chosen vessel, his mother longed to
fulfil his own wish, which was doubtless the natural working of the
act of grace that had been shed upon him; but she had not the
wherewithal to send him to the college of Glasgow, where he was
desirous to study, and her just pride would not allow her to cess
his brother-in-law, the Captain Macadam, whom, I should now mention,
was raised in the end of this year, as we read in the newspapers, to
be a major.  I thought her in this somewhat unreasonable, for she
would not be persuaded to let me write to the captain; but when I
reflected on the good that Willie Malcolm might in time do as a
preacher, I said nothing more to her, but indited a letter to the
Lord Eaglesham, setting forth the lad's parts, telling who he was
and all about his mother's scruples; and, by the retour of the post
from London his lordship sent me an order on his steward, to pay me
twenty pounds towards equipping my protegee, as he called Willie,
with a promise to pay for his education, which was such a great
thing for his lordship to do off-hand on my recommendation, that it
won much affection throughout the country side; and folks began to
wonder, rehearsing the great things, as was said, that I had gotten
my lord at different times, and on divers occasions, to do, which
had a vast of influence among my brethren of the presbytery, and
they grew into a state of greater cordiality with me, looking on me
as a man having authority; but I was none thereat lifted up, for not
being gifted with the power of a kirk-filling eloquence, I was but
little sought for at sacraments, and fasts, and solemn days, which
was doubtless well ordained; for I had no motive to seek fame in
foreign pulpits, but was left to walk in the paths of simplicity
within my own parish.  To eschew evil myself, and to teach others to
do the same, I thought the main duties of the pastoral office, and
with a sincere heart endeavoured what in me lay to perform them with
meekness, sobriety, and a spirit wakeful to the inroads of sin and
Satan.  But oh, the sordiness of human nature!--The kindness of the
Lord Eaglesham's own disposition was ascribed to my influence, and
many a dry answer I was obliged to give to applicants that would
have me trouble his lordship, as if I had a claim upon him.  In the
ensuing year, the notion of my cordiality with him came to a great
head, and brought about an event, that could not have been
forethought by me as a thing within the compass of possibility to
bring to pass.



CHAPTER XX  YEAR 1779



I was named in this year for the General Assembly, and Mrs
Balwhidder, by her continual thrift, having made our purse able to
stand a shake against the wind, we resolved to go into Edinburgh in
a creditable manner.  Accordingly, in conjunct with Mrs Dalrymple,
the lady of a major of that name, we hired the Irville chaise, and
we put up in Glasgow, at the Black Boy, where we stayed all night.
Next morning, by seven o'clock, we got into a fly-coach for the
capital of Scotland, which we reached after a heavy journey about
the same hour in the evening, and put up at the public where it
stopped till the next day; for really both me and Mrs Balwhidder
were worn out with the undertaking, and found a cup of tea a vast
refreshment.

Betimes, in the morning, having taken our breakfast, we got a caddy
to guide us and our wallise to Widow M'Vicar's, at the head of the
Covenanters' Close.  She was a relation to my first wife, Betty
Lanshaw, my own full cousin that was, and we had advised her, by
course of post, of our coming, and intendment to lodge with her as
uncos and strangers.  But Mrs M'Vicar kept a cloth shop, and sold
plaidings and flannels, besides Yorkshire superfines, and was used
to the sudden incoming of strangers, especially visitants, both from
the West and the North Highlands, and was withal a gawsy furthy
woman, taking great pleasure in hospitality, and every sort of
kindliness and discretion.  She would not allow of such a thing as
our being lodgers in her house, but was so cagey to see us, and to
have it in her power to be civil to a minister, as she was pleased
to say, of such repute, that nothing less would content her but that
we must live upon her, and partake of all the best that could be
gotten for us within the walls of "the gude town."

When we found ourselves so comfortable, Mrs Balwhidder and me waited
on my patron's family that was, the young ladies, and the laird, who
had been my pupil, but was now an advocate high in the law.  They
likewise were kind also.  In short, every body in Edinburgh were in
a manner wearisome kind, and we could scarcely find time to see the
Castle and the palace of Holyrood-house, and that more sanctified
place, where the Maccabeus of the Kirk of Scotland, John Knox, was
wont to live.

Upon my introduction to his grace the Commissioner, I was delighted
and surprised to find the Lord Eaglesham at the levee, and his
lordship was so glad on seeing me, that he made me more kenspeckle
than I could have wished to have been in his grace's presence; for,
owing to the same, I was required to preach before his grace, upon a
jocose recommendation of his lordship; the which gave me great
concern, and daunted me so that in the interim I was almost bereft
of all peace and studious composure of mind.  Fain would I have
eschewed the honour that was thus thrust upon me; but both my wife
and Mrs M'Vicar were just lifted out of themselves with the thought.

When the day came, I thought all things in this world were loosened
from their hold, and that the sure and steadfast earth itself was
grown coggly beneath my feet, as I mounted the pulpit.  With what
sincerity I prayed for help that day! and never stood man more in
need of it; for through all my prayer the congregation was so
watchful and still, doubtless to note if my doctrine was orthodox,
that the beating of my heart might have been heard to the uttermost
corners of the kirk.

I had chosen as my text, from Second Samuel, xixth chapter and 35th
verse, these words--"Can I hear any more the voice of singing men
and singing women?  Wherefore, then, should thy servant be yet a
burden to the king?"  And hardly had I with a trembling voice read
the words, when I perceived an awful stir in the congregation; for
all applied the words to the state of the church, and the
appointment of his grace the Commissioner.  Having paused after
giving out the text, the same fearful and critical silence again
ensued, and every eye was so fixed upon me, that I was for a time
deprived of courage to look about; but heaven was pleased to
compassionate my infirmity, and as I proceeded, I began to warm as
in my own pulpit.  I described the gorgeous Babylonian harlot riding
forth in her chariots of gold and silver, with trampling steeds and
a hurricane of followers, drunk with the cup of abominations, all
shouting with revelry, and glorying in her triumph, treading down in
their career those precious pearls, the saints and martyrs, into the
mire beneath their swinish feet.  "Before her you may behold
Wantonness playing the tinkling cymbal, Insolence beating the drum,
and Pride blowing the trumpet.  Every vice is there with his
emblems; and the seller of pardons, with his crucifix and triple
crown, is distributing his largess of perdition.  The voices of men
shout to set wide the gates, to give entrance to the queen of
nations, and the gates are set wide, and they all enter.  The
avenging gates close on them--they are all shut up in hell."

There was a sough in the kirk as I said these words; for the vision
I described seemed to be passing before me as I spoke, and I felt as
if I had witnessed the everlasting destruction of Antichrist, and
the worshippers of the Beast.  But soon recovering myself, I said in
a soft and gentle manner, "Look at yon lovely creature in virgin-
raiment, with the Bible in her hand.  See how mildly she walks
along, giving alms to the poor as she passes on towards the door of
that lowly dwelling--Let us follow her in--She takes her seat in the
chair at the bedside of the poor old dying sinner; and as he tosses
in the height of penitence and despair, she reads to him the promise
of the Saviour--'This night thou shalt be with me in Paradise;' and
he embraces her with transports, and, falling back on his pillow,
calmly closes his eyes in peace.  She is the true religion; and when
I see what she can do even in the last moments of the guilty, well
may we exclaim, when we think of the symbols and pageantry of the
departed superstition, Can I hear any more the voice of singing men
and singing women?  No; let us cling to the simplicity of the Truth
that is now established in our native land."

At the conclusion of this clause of my discourse, the congregation,
which had been all so still and so solemn, never coughing, as was
often the case among my people, gave a great rustle, changing their
positions, by which I was almost overcome; however, I took heart and
ventured on, and pointed out that, with our Bible and an orthodox
priesthood, we stood in no need of the king's authority, however
bound we were, in temporal things, to respect it; and I showed this
at some length, crying out in the words of my text, "Wherefore,
then, should thy servant be yet a burden to the king?" in the saying
of which I happened to turn my eyes towards his grace the
Commissioner, as he sat on the throne, and I thought his countenance
was troubled, which made me add, that he might not think I meant him
any offence, "That the King of the Church was one before whom the
great, and the wise, and the good--all doomed and sentenced
convicts--implore his mercy."  "It is true," said I, "that in the
days of his tribulation he was wounded for our iniquities, and died
to save us; but, at his death, his greatness was proclaimed by the
quick and the dead.  There was sorrow, and there was wonder, and
there was rage, and there was remorse; but there was no shame there-
-none blushed on that day at that sight but yon glorious luminary."
The congregation rose, and looked round, as the sun that I pointed
at shone in at the window.  I was disconcerted by their movement,
and my spirit was spent, so that I could say no more.

When I came down from the pulpit, there was a great pressing in of
acquaintance and ministers, who lauded me exceedingly; but I thought
it could be only in derision, therefore I slipped home to Mrs
M'Vicar's as fast as I could.

Mrs M'Vicar, who was a clever, hearing-all sort of a neighbour, said
my sermon was greatly thought of, and that I had surprised
everybody; but I was fearful there was something of jocularity at
the bottom of this, for she was a flaunty woman, and liked well to
give a good-humoured gibe or jeer.  However, his grace the
Commissioner was very thankful for the discourse, and complimented
me on what he called my apostolical earnestness; but he was a
courteous man, and I could not trust to him, especially as my lord
Eaglesham had told me in secrecy before--it's true, it was in his
gallanting way--that, in speaking of the king's servant as I had
done, I had rather gone beyond the bounds of modern moderation.
Altogether, I found neither pleasure nor profit in what was thought
so great an honour, but longed for the privacy of my own narrow
pasture, and little flock.

It was in this visit to Edinburgh that Mrs Balwhidder bought her
silver teapot, and other ornamental articles; but this was not done,
as she assured me, in a vain spirit of bravery, which I could not
have abided, but because it was well known that tea draws better in
a silver pot, and drinks pleasanter in a china cup, than out of any
other kind of cup or teapot.

By the time I got home to the manse, I had been three whole weeks
and five days absent, which was more than all my absences together,
from the time of my placing; and my people were glowing with
satisfaction when they saw us driving in a Glasgow chaise through
the clachan to the manse.

The rest of the year was merely a quiet succession of small
incidents, none of which are worthy of notation, though they were
all severally, no doubt, of aught somewhere, as they took us both
time and place in the coming to pass, and nothing comes to pass
without helping onwards to some great end; each particular little
thing that happens in the world being a seed sown by the hand of
Providence to yield an increase, which increase is destined, in its
turn, to minister to some higher purpose, until at last the issue
affects the whole earth.  There is nothing in all the world that
doth not advance the cause of goodness; no, not even the sins of the
wicked, though, through the dim casement of her mortal tabernacle,
the soul of man cannot discern the method thereof.



CHAPTER XXI  YEAR 1780



This was, among ourselves, another year of few events.  A sound, it
is true, came among us of a design, on the part of the government in
London, to bring back the old harlotry of papistry; but we spent our
time in the lea of the hedge, and the lown of the hill.  Some there
were that a panic seized upon when they heard of Lord George Gordon,
that zealous Protestant, being committed to the Tower; but for my
part, I had no terror upon me, for I saw all things around me going
forward improving; and I said to myself, it is not so when
Providence permits scathe and sorrow to fall upon a nation.  Civil
troubles, and the casting down of thrones, is always forewarned by
want and poverty striking the people.  What I have, therefore,
chiefly to record as the memorables of this year, are things of
small import--the main of which are, that some of the neighbouring
lairds, taking example by Mr Kibbock, my father-in-law that was,
began in this fall to plant the tops of their hills with mounts of
fir-trees; and Mungo Argyle, the exciseman, just herried the poor
smugglers to death, and made a power of prize-money, which, however,
had not the wonted effect of riches, for it brought him no honour;
and he lived in the parish like a leper, or any other kind of
excommunicated person.

But I should not forget a most droll thing that took place with
Jenny Gaffaw, and her daughter.  They had been missed from the
parish for some days, and folk began to be uneasy about what could
have become of the two silly creatures; till one night, at the dead
hour, a strange light was seen beaming and burning at the window of
the bit hole where they lived.  It was first observed by Lady
Macadam, who never went to bed at any Christian hour, but sat up
reading her new French novels and play-books with Miss Sabrina, the
schoolmistress.  She gave the alarm, thinking that such a great and
continuous light from a lone house, where never candle had been seen
before, could be nothing less than the flame of a burning.  And
sending Miss Sabrina and the servants to see what was the matter,
they beheld daft Jenny, and her as daft daughter, with a score of
candle doups, (Heaven only knows where they got them!) placed in the
window, and the twa fools dancing, and linking, and admiring before
the door.  "What's all this about, Jenny," said Miss Sabrina.--"Awa'
wi' you, awa' wi' you--ye wicked pope, ye whore of Babylon--is na it
for the glory of God, and the Protestant religion? d'ye think I will
be a pope as long as light can put out darkness?"--And with that the
mother and daughter began again to leap and dance as madly as
before.

It seems that poor Jenny, having heard of the luminations that were
lighted up through the country on the ending of the Popish Bill,
had, with Meg, travelled by themselves into Glasgow, where they had
gathered or begged a stock of candles, and coming back under the
cloud of night, had surprised and alarmed the whole clachan, by
lighting up their window in the manner that I have described.  Poor
Miss Sabrina, at Jenny's uncivil salutation, went back to my lady
with her heart full, and would fain have had the idiots brought to
task before the session, for what they had said to her.  But I would
not hear tell of such a thing, for which Miss Sabrina owed me a
grudge that was not soon given up.  At the same time, I was grieved
to see the testimonies of joyfulness for a holy victory, brought
into such disrepute by the ill-timed demonstrations of the two
irreclaimable naturals, that had not a true conception of the cause
for which they were triumphing.



CHAPTER XXII  YEAR 1781



If the two last years passed o'er the heads of me and my people
without any manifest dolour, which is a great thing to say for so
long a period in this world, we had our own trials and tribulations
in the one of which I have now to make mention.  Mungo Argyle, the
exciseman, waxing rich, grew proud and petulant, and would have
ruled the country side with a rod of iron.  Nothing less would serve
him than a fine horse to ride on, and a world of other conveniences
and luxuries, as if he had been on an equality with gentlemen.  And
he bought a grand gun, which was called a fowling-piece; and he had
two pointer dogs, the like of which had not been seen in the parish
since the planting of the Eaglesham-wood on the moorland, which was
four years before I got the call.  Every body said the man was fey;
and truly, when I remarked him so gallant and gay on the Sabbath at
the kirk, and noted his glowing face and gleg een, I thought at
times there was something no canny about him.  It was indeed clear
to be seen, that the man was hurried out of himself; but nobody
could have thought that the death he was to dree would have been
what it was.

About the end of summer my Lord Eaglesham came to the castle,
bringing with him an English madam, that was his Miss.  Some days
after he came down from London, as he was riding past the manse, his
lordship stopped to enquire for my health, and I went to the door to
speak to him.  I thought that he did not meet me with that blithe
countenance he was wont, and in going away, he said with a blush, "I
fear I dare not ask you to come to the castle."  I had heard of his
concubine, and I said, "In saying so, my lord, you show a spark of
grace; for it would not become me to see what I have heard; and I am
surprised, my lord, you will not rather take a lady of your own."
He looked kindly, but confused, saying, he did not know where to get
one; so seeing his shame, and not wishing to put him out of conceit
entirely with himself, I replied, "Na, na, my lord, there's nobody
will believe that, for there never was a silly Jock, but there was
as silly a Jenny," at which he laughed heartily, and rode away.  But
I know not what was in't; I was troubled in mind about him, and
thought, as he was riding away, that I would never see him again;
and sure enough it so happened; for the next day, being airing in
his coach with Miss Spangle, the lady he had brought, he happened to
see Mungo Argyle with his dogs and his gun, and my lord being as
particular about his game as the other was about boxes of tea and
kegs of brandy, he jumped out of the carriage, and ran to take the
gun.  Words passed, and the exciseman shot my lord.  Never shall I
forget that day; such riding, such running, the whole country side
afoot; but the same night my lord breathed his last; and the mad and
wild reprobate that did the deed was taken up and sent off to
Edinburgh.  This was a woeful riddance of that oppressor, for my
lord was a good landlord and a kind-hearted man; and albeit, though
a little thoughtless, was aye ready to make his power, when the way
was pointed out, minister to good works.  The whole parish mourned
for him, and there was not a sorer heart in all its bounds than my
own.  Never was such a sight seen as his burial:  the whole country
side was there, and all as solemn as if they had been assembled in
the valley of Jehoshaphat in the latter day.  The hedges where the
funeral was to pass were clad with weans, like bunches of hips and
haws, and the kirkyard was as if all its own dead were risen.
Never, do I think, was such a multitude gathered together.  Some
thought there could not be less than three thousand grown men,
besides women and children.

Scarcely was this great public calamity past, for it could be
reckoned no less, when one Saturday afternoon, as Miss Sabrina, the
schoolmistress, was dining with Lady Macadam, her ladyship was
stricken with the paralytics, and her face so thrown in the course
of a few minutes, that Miss Sabrina came flying to the manse for the
help and advice of Mrs Balwhidder.  A doctor was gotten with all
speed by express; but her ladyship was smitten beyond the reach of
medicine.  She lived, however, some time after; but oh! she was such
an object, that it was a grief to see her.  She could only mutter
when she tried to speak, and was as helpless as a baby.  Though she
never liked me, nor could I say there was many things in her
demeanour that pleased me; yet she was a free-handed woman to the
needful, and when she died she was more missed than it was thought
she could have been.

Shortly after her funeral, which was managed by a gentleman sent
from her friends in Edinburgh, that I wrote to about her condition,
the Major, her son, with his lady, Kate Malcolm, and two pretty
bairns, came and stayed in her house for a time, and they were a
great happiness to us all, both in the way of drinking tea, and
sometimes taking a bit of dinner, their only mother now, the worthy
and pious Mrs Malcolm, being regularly of the company.

Before the end of the year, I should mention, that the fortune of
Mrs Malcolm's family got another shove upwards, by the promotion of
her second son, Robert Malcolm, who, being grown an expert and
careful mariner, was made captain of a grand ship, whereof Provost
Maitland of Glasgow, that was kind to his mother in her distresses,
was the owner.  But that douce lad Willie, her youngest son, who was
at the university of Glasgow under the Lord Eaglesham's patronage,
was like to have suffered a blight.  However, Major Macadam, when I
spoke to him anent the young man's loss of his patron, said, with a
pleasant generosity, he should not be stickit; and, accordingly, he
made up, as far as money could, for the loss of his lordship; but
there was none that made up for the great power and influence,
which, I have no doubt, the Earl would have exerted in his behalf,
when he was ripened for the church.  So that, although in time
William came out a sound and heart-searching preacher, he was long
obliged, like many another unfriended saint, to cultivate sand, and
wash Ethiopians in the shape of an east country gentleman's
camstrairy weans; than which, as he wrote me himself, there cannot
be on earth a greater trial of temper.  However, in the end he was
rewarded, and is not only now a placed minister, but a doctor of
divinity.

The death of Lady Macadam was followed by another parochial
misfortune; for, considering the time when it happened, we could
count it as nothing less.  Auld Thomas Howkings, the betheral, fell
sick, and died in the course of a week's illness, about the end of
November; and the measles coming at that time upon the parish, there
was such a smashery of the poor weans as had not been known for an
age; insomuch that James Banes, the lad who was Thomas Howkings'
helper, rose in open rebellion against the session during his
superior's illness; and we were constrained to augment his pay, and
to promise him the place if Thomas did not recover, which it was
then thought he could not do.  On the day this happened, there were
three dead children in the clachan, and a panic and consternation
spread about the burial of them when James Bane's insurrection was
known, which made both me and the session glad to hush up the
affair, that the heart of the public might have no more than the
sufferings of individuals to hurt it.--Thus ended a year, on many
accounts, heavy to be remembered.



CHAPTER XXIII  YEAR 1782



Although I have not been particular in noticing it, from time to
time, there had been an occasional going off, at fairs and on
market-days, of the lads of the parish as soldiers, and when Captain
Malcolm got the command of his ship, no less than four young men
sailed with him from the clachan; so that we were deeper and deeper
interested in the proceedings of the doleful war that was raging in
the plantations.  By one post we heard of no less than three brave
fellows belonging to us being slain in one battle, for which there
was a loud and general lamentation.

Shortly after this, I got a letter from Charles Malcolm, a very
pretty letter it indeed was:  he had heard of my Lord Eaglesham's
murder, and grieved for the loss, both because his lordship was a
good man, and because he had been such a friend to him and his
family.  "But," said Charles, "the best way I can show my gratitude
for his patronage, is to prove myself a good officer to my king and
country."  Which I thought a brave sentiment, and was pleased
thereat; for somehow Charles, from the time he brought me the limes
to make a bowl of punch, in his pocket from Jamaica, had built a
nest of affection in my heart.  But, oh! the wicked wastry of life
in war.  In less than a month after, the news came of a victory over
the French fleet, and by the same post I got a letter from Mr
Howard, that was the midshipman who came to see us with Charles,
telling me that poor Charles had been mortally wounded in the
action, and had afterwards died of his wounds.  "He was a hero in
the engagement," said Mr Howard, "and he died as a good and a brave
man should."--These tidings gave me one of the sorest hearts I ever
suffered, and it was long before I could gather fortitude to
disclose the tidings to poor Charles's mother.  But the callants of
the school had heard of the victory, and were going shouting about,
and had set the steeple bell a-ringing, by which Mrs Malcolm heard
the news; and knowing that Charles's ship was with the fleet, she
came over to the manse in great anxiety to hear the particulars,
somebody telling her that there had been a foreign letter to me by
the postman.

When I saw her I could not speak, but looked at her in pity, and,
the tear fleeing up into my eyes, she guessed what had happened.
After giving a deep and sore sigh, she enquired, "How did he behave?
I hope well, for he was aye a gallant laddie!"--and then she wept
very bitterly.  However, growing calmer, I read to her the letter;
and, when I had done, she begged me to give it to her to keep,
saying, "It's all that I have now left of my pretty boy; but it's
mair precious to me than the wealth of the Indies;" and she begged
me to return thanks to the Lord for all the comforts and manifold
mercies with which her lot had been blessed, since the hour she put
her trust in him alone; and that was when she was left a penniless
widow, with her five fatherless bairns.

It was just an edification of the spirit to see the Christian
resignation of this worthy woman.  Mrs Balwhidder was confounded,
and said, there was more sorrow in seeing the deep grief of her
fortitude than tongue could tell.

Having taken a glass of wine with her, I walked out to conduct her
to her own house; but in the way we met with a severe trial.  All
the weans were out parading with napkins and kail-blades on sticks,
rejoicing and triumphing in the glad tidings of victory.  But when
they saw me and Mrs Malcolm coming slowly along, they guessed what
had happened, and threw away their banners of joy; and standing all
up in a row, with silence and sadness, along the kirkyard wall as we
passed, showed an instinct of compassion that penetrated to my very
soul.  The poor mother burst into fresh affliction, and some of the
bairns into an audible weeping; and, taking one another by the hand,
they followed us to her door, like mourners at a funeral.  Never was
such a sight seen in any town before.  The neighbours came to look
at it as we walked along, and the men turned aside to hide their
faces; while the mothers pressed their babies fondlier to their
bosoms, and watered their innocent faces with their tears.

I prepared a suitable sermon, taking as the words of my text, "Howl,
ye ships of Tarshish, for your strength is laid waste."  But when I
saw around me so many of my people clad in complimentary mourning
for the gallant Charles Malcolm, and that even poor daft Jenny
Gaffaw, and her daughter, had on an old black riband; and when I
thought of him, the spirited laddie, coming home from Jamaica with
his parrot on his shoulder, and his limes for me, my heart filled
full, and I was obliged to sit down in the pulpit, and drop a tear.

After a pause, and the Lord having vouchsafed to compose me, I rose
up, and gave out that anthem of triumph, the 124th psalm, the
singing of which brought the congregation round to themselves; but
still I felt that I could not preach as I had meant to do; therefore
I only said a few words of prayer, and singing another psalm,
dismissed the congregation.



CHAPTER XXIV  YEAR 1783



This was another Sabbath year of my ministry.  It has left me
nothing to record but a silent increase of prosperity in the parish.
I myself had now in the bank more than a thousand pounds, and every
thing was thriving around.  My two bairns, Gilbert, that is now the
merchant in Glasgow, was grown into a sturdy ramplor laddie, and
Janet, that is married upon Dr. Kittleword, the minister of
Swappington, was as fine a lassie for her years as the eyes of a
parent could desire to see.

Shortly after the news of the peace, an event at which all gave
themselves up to joy, a thing happened among us that at the time
caused much talk; but although very dreadful, was yet not so
serious, some how or other, as such an awsome doing should have
been.  Poor Jenny Gaffaw happened to take a heavy cold, and soon
thereafter died.  Meg went about from house to house, begging dead-
clothes, and got the body straighted in a wonderful decent manner,
with a plate of earth and salt placed upon it--an admonitory type of
mortality and eternal life that has ill-advisedly gone out of
fashion.  When I heard of this, I could not but go to see how a
creature that was not thought possessed of a grain of understanding,
could have done so much herself.  On entering the door, I beheld Meg
sitting with two or three of the neighbouring kimmers, and the
corpse laid out on a bed.  "Come awa', sir," said Meg; "this is an
altered house.  They're gane that keepit it bein; but, sir, we maun
a' come to this--we maun pay the debt o' nature--death is a grim
creditor, and a doctor but brittle bail when the hour of reckoning's
at han'!  What a pity it is, mother, that you're now dead, for
here's the minister come to see you.  Oh, sir! but she would have
had a proud heart to see you in her dwelling, for she had a genteel
turn, and would not let me, her only daughter, mess or mell wi' the
lathron lasses of the clachan.  Ay, ay, she brought me up with care,
and edicated me for a lady:  nae coarse wark darkened my lily-white
hands.  But I maun work now; I maun dree the penalty of man."

Having stopped some time, listening to the curious maunnering of
Meg, I rose to come away; but she laid her hand on my arm, saying,
"No, sir, ye maun taste before ye gang!  My mother had aye plenty in
her life, nor shall her latter day be needy."

Accordingly, Meg, with all the due formality common on such
occasions, produced a bottle of water, and a dram-glass, which she
filled and tasted, then presented to me, at the same time offering
me a bit of bread on a slate.  It was a consternation to everybody
how the daft creature had learnt all the ceremonies, which she
performed in a manner past the power of pen to describe, making the
solemnity of death, by her strange mockery, a kind of merriment,
that was more painful than sorrow; but some spirits are gifted with
a faculty of observation, that, by the strength of a little fancy,
enables them to make a wonderful and truthlike semblance of things
and events, which they never saw, and poor Meg seemed to have this
gift.

The same night, the session having provided a coffin, the body was
put in, and removed to Mr Mutchkin's brewhouse, where the lads and
lassies kept the late-wake.

Saving this, the year flowed in a calm, and we floated on in the
stream of time towards the great ocean of eternity, like ducks and
geese in the river's tide, that are carried down without being
sensible of the speed of the current.  Alas! we have not wings like
them, to fly back to the place we set out from.



CHAPTER XXV  YEAR 1784



I have ever thought that this was a bright year, truly an Ann. Dom.,
for in it many of the lads came home that had listed to be soldiers;
and Mr Howard, that was the midshipman, being now a captain of a
man-of-war, came down from England and married Effie Malcolm, and
took her up with him to London, where she wrote to her mother, that
she found his family people of great note, and more kind to her than
she could write.  By this time, also, Major Macadam was made a
colonel, and lived with his lady in Edinburgh, where they were much
respected by the genteeler classes, Mrs Macadam being considered a
great unco among them for all manner of ladylike ornaments, she
having been taught every sort of perfection in that way by the old
lady, who was educated at the court of France, and was, from her
birth, a person of quality.  In this year, also, Captain Malcolm,
her brother, married a daughter of a Glasgow merchant, so that Mrs
Malcolm, in her declining years, had the prospect of a bright
setting; but nothing could change the sober Christianity of her
settled mind; and although she was strongly invited, both by the
Macadams and the Howards, to see their felicity, she ever declined
the same, saying--"No!  I have been long out of the world, or
rather, I have never been in it; my ways are not as theirs; and
although I ken their hearts would be glad to be kind to me, I might
fash their servants, or their friends might think me unlike other
folk, by which, instead of causing pleasure, mortification might
ensue; so I will remain in my own house, trusting that, when they
can spare the time, they will come and see me."

There was a spirit of true wisdom in this resolution, for it
required a forbearance that in weaker minds would have relaxed; but
though a person of a most slender and delicate frame of body, she
was a Judith in fortitude; and in all the fortune that seemed now
smiling upon her, she never was lifted up, but bore always that pale
and meek look, which gave a saintliness to her endeavours in the
days of her suffering and poverty.

But when we enjoy most, we have least to tell.  I look back on this
year as on a sunny spot in the valley, amidst the shadows of the
clouds of time; and I have nothing to record, save the remembrance
of welcomings and weddings, and a meeting of bairns and parents,
that the wars and the waters had long raged between.  Contentment
within the bosom, lent a livelier grace to the countenance of
Nature; and everybody said, that in this year the hedges were
greener than common, the gowans brighter on the brae, and the heads
of the statelier trees adorned with a richer coronal of leaves and
blossoms.  All things were animated with the gladness of
thankfulness, and testified to the goodness of their Maker.



CHAPTER XXVI  YEAR 1785



Well may we say, in the pious words of my old friend and neighbour,
the Reverend Mr Keekie of Loupinton, that the world is such a wheel-
carriage, that it might very properly be called the WHIRL'D.  This
reflection was brought home to me in a very striking manner, while I
was preparing a discourse for my people, to be preached on the
anniversary day of my placing, in which I took a view of what had
passed in the parish during the five-and-twenty years that I had
been, by the grace of God, the pastor thereof.  The bairns, that
were bairns when I came among my people, were ripened unto parents,
and a new generation was swelling in the bud around me.  But it is
what happened that I have to give an account of.

This year the Lady Macadam's jointure-house that was, having been
long without a tenant, a Mr Cayenne and his family, American
loyalists, came and took it, and settled among us for a time.  His
wife was a clever woman, and they had two daughters, Miss Virginia
and Miss Carolina; but he was himself an ettercap, a perfect spunkie
of passion, as ever was known in town or country.  His wife had a
terrible time o't with him, and yet the unhappy man had a great
share of common sense, and, saving the exploits of his unmanageable
temper, was an honest and creditable gentleman.  Of his humour we
soon had a sample, as I shall relate at length all about it.

Shortly after he came to the parish, Mrs Balwhidder and me waited
upon the family to pay our respects, and Mr Cayenne, in a free and
hearty manner, insisted on us staying to dinner.  His wife, I could
see, was not satisfied with this, not being, as I discerned
afterwards, prepared to give an entertainment to strangers; however,
we fell into the misfortune of staying, and nothing could exceed the
happiness of Mr Cayenne.  I thought him one of the blithest bodies I
had ever seen, and had no notion that he was such a tap of tow as in
the sequel he proved himself.

As there was something extra to prepare, the dinner was a little
longer of being on the table than usual, at which he began to fash,
and every now and then took a turn up and down the room, with his
hands behind his back, giving a short melancholious whistle.  At
length the dinner was served, but it was more scanty than he had
expected, and this upset his good-humour altogether.  Scarcely had I
asked the blessing when he began to storm at his blackamoor servant,
who was, however, used to his way, and did his work without minding
him; but by some neglect there was no mustard down, which Mr Cayenne
called for in the voice of a tempest, and one of the servant lassies
came in with the pot, trembling.  It happened that, as it had not
been used for a day or two before, the lid was clagged, and, as it
were, glued in, so that Mr Cayenne could not get it out, which put
him quite wud, and he attempted to fling it at Sambo, the black
lad's head, but it stottit against the wall, and the lid flying
open, the whole mustard flew in his own face, which made him a sight
not to be spoken of.  However it calmed him; but really, as I had
never seen such a man before, I could not but consider the accident
as a providential reproof, and trembled to think what greater evil
might fall out in the hands of a man so left to himself in the
intemperance of passion.

But the worst thing about Mr Cayenne was his meddling with matters
in which he had no concern; for he had a most irksome nature, and
could not be at rest, so that he was truly a thorn in our side.
Among other of his strange doings, was the part he took in the
proceedings of the session, with which he had as little to do, in a
manner, as the man in the moon; but having no business on his hands,
he attended every sederunt, and from less to more, having no self-
government, he began to give his opinion in our deliberations; and
often bred us trouble, by causing strife to arise.

It happened, as the time of the summer occasion was drawing near,
that it behoved us to make arrangements about the assistance; and
upon the suggestion of the elders, to which I paid always the
greatest deference, I invited Mr Keekie of Loupinton, who was a
sound preacher, and a great expounder of the kittle parts of the Old
Testament, being a man well versed in the Hebrew and etymologies,
for which he was much reverenced by the old people that delighted to
search the Scriptures.  I had also written to Mr Sprose of Annock, a
preacher of another sort, being a vehement and powerful thresher of
the word, making the chaff and vain babbling of corrupt commentators
to fly from his hand.  He was not, however, so well liked, as he
wanted that connect method which is needful to the enforcing of
doctrine.  But he had never been among us, and it was thought it
would be a godly treat to the parish to let the people hear him.
Besides Mr Sprose, Mr Waikle of Gowanry, a quiet hewer out of the
image of holiness in the heart, was likewise invited, all in
addition to our old stoops from the adjacent parishes.

None of these three preachers were in any estimation with Mr
Cayenne, who had only heard each of them once; and he, happening to
be present in the session-house at the time, enquired how we had
settled.  I thought this not a very orderly question, but I gave him
a civil answer, saying, that, Mr Keekie of Loupinton would preach on
the morning of the fast-day, Mr Sprose of Annock in the afternoon,
and Mr Waikle of Gowanry on the Saturday.  Never shall I or the
elders, while the breath of life is in our bodies, forget the reply.
Mr Cayenne struck the table like a clap of thunder, and cried, "Mr
Keekie of Loupinton, and Mr Sprose of Annock, and Mr Waikle of
Gowanry, and all suck trash, may go to--and be -!" and out of the
house he bounced, like a hand-ball stotting on a stone.

The elders and me were confounded, and for some time we could not
speak, but looked at each other, doubtful if our ears heard aright.
At long and length I came to myself; and, in the strength of God,
took my place at the table, and said, this was an outrageous impiety
not to be borne, which all the elders agreed to; and we thereupon
came to a resolve, which I dictated myself, wherein we debarred Mr
Cayenne from ever after entering, unless summoned, the session-
house, the which resolve we directed the session-clerk to send to
him direct, and thus we vindicated the insulted privileges of the
church.

Mr Cayenne had cooled before he got home, and our paper coming to
him in his appeased blood, he immediately came to the manse, and
made a contrite apology for his hasty temper, which I reported in
due time and form, to the session, and there the matter ended.  But
here was an example plain to be seen of the truth of the old
proverb, that as one door shuts another opens; for scarcely were we
in quietness by the decease of that old light-headed woman, the Lady
Macadam, till a full equivalent for her was given in this hot and
fiery Mr Cayenne.



CHAPTER XXVII  YEAR 1786



From the day of my settlement, I had resolved, in order to win the
affections of my people, and to promote unison among the heritors,
to be of as little expense to the parish as possible; but by this
time the manse had fallen into a sore state of decay--the doors were
wormed on the hinges--the casements of the windows chattered all the
winter, like the teeth of a person perishing with cold, so that we
had no comfort in the house; by which, at the urgent instigations of
Mrs Balwhidder, I was obligated to represent our situation to the
session.  I would rather, having so much saved money in the bank,
paid the needful repairs myself, than have done this, but she said
it would be a rank injustice to our own family; and her father, Mr
Kibbock, who was very long-headed, with more than a common man's
portion of understanding, pointed out to me, that, as my life was
but in my lip, it would be a wrong thing towards whomsoever was
ordained to be my successor, to use the heritors to the custom of
the minister paying for the reparations of the manse, as it might
happen he might not be so well able to afford it as me.  So in a
manner, by their persuasion, and the constraint of the justice of
the case, I made a report of the infirmities both of doors and
windows, as well as of the rotten state of the floors, which were
constantly in want of cobbling.  Over and above all, I told them of
the sarking of the roof, which was as frush as a puddock-stool;
insomuch, that in every blast some of the pins lost their grip, and
the slates came hurling off.

The heritors were accordingly convened, and, after some
deliberation, they proposed that the house should be seen to, and
whitewashed and painted; and I thought this might do, for I saw they
were terrified at the expense of a thorough repair; but when I went
home and repeated to Mrs Balwhidder what had been said at the
meeting, and my thankfulness at getting the heritors' consent to do
so much, she was excessively angry, and told me, that all the
painting and whitewashing in the world would avail nothing, for that
the house was as a sepulchre full of rottenness; and she sent for Mr
Kibbock, her father, to confer with him on the way of getting the
matter put to rights.

Mr Kibbock came, and hearing of what had passed, pondered for some
time, and then said, "All was very right! the minister (meaning me)
has just to get tradesmen to look at the house, and write out their
opinion of what it needs.  There will be plaster to mend; so, before
painting, he will get a plasterer.  There will be a slater wanted;
he has just to get a slater's estimate, and a wright's, and so
forth, and when all is done, he will lay them before the session and
the heritors, who, no doubt, will direct the reparations to go
forward."

This was very pawkie, counselling, of Mr Kibbock, and I did not see
through it at the time, but did as he recommended, and took all the
different estimates, when they came in, to the session.  The elders
commended my prudence exceedingly for so doing, before going to
work; and one of them asked me what the amount of the whole would
be, but I had not cast it up.  Some of the heritors thought that a
hundred pounds would be sufficient for the outlay; but judge of our
consternation, when, in counting up all the sums of the different
estimates together, we found them well on towards a thousand pounds.
"Better big a new house at once, than do this!" cried all the
elders, by which I then perceived the draughtiness of Mr Kibbock's
advice.  Accordingly, another meeting of the heritors was summoned,
and after a great deal of controversy, it was agreed that a new
manse should be erected; and, shortly after, we contracted with
Thomas Trowel, the mason to build one for six hundred pounds, with
all the requisite appurtenances, by which a clear gain was saved to
the parish, by the foresight of Mr Kibbock, to the amount of nearly
four hundred pounds.  But the heritors did not mean to have allowed
the sort of repair that his plan comprehended.  He was, however, a
far forecasting man; the like of him for natural parts not being in
our country side; and nobody could get the whip-hand of him, either
in a bargain or an improvement, when he once was sensible of the
advantage.  He was, indeed, a blessing to the shire, both by his
example as a farmer, and by his sound and discreet advice in the
contentions of his neighbours, being a man, as was a saying among
the commonality, "wiser than the law and the fifteen Lords of
Edinburgh."

The building of the new manse occasioned a heavy cess on the
heritors, which made them overly ready to pick holes in the coats of
me and the elders; so that, out of my forbearance and delicacy in
time past, grew a lordliness on their part, that was an ill return
for the years that I had endured no little inconveniency for their
sake.  It was not in my heart or principles to harm the hair of a
dog; but when I discerned the austerity with which they were
disposed to treat their minister, I bethought me that, for the
preservation of what was due to the establishment and the upholding
of the decent administration of religion, I ought to set my face
against the sordid intolerance by which they were actuated.  This
notion I weighed well before divulging it to any person; but when I
had assured myself as to the rectitude thereof, I rode over one day
to Mr Kibbock's, and broke my mind to him about claiming out of the
teinds an augmentation of my stipend, not because I needed it, but
in case, after me, some bare and hungry gorbie of the Lord should be
sent upon the parish, in no such condition to plea with the heritors
as I was.  Mr Kibbock highly approved of my intent; and by his help,
after much tribulation, I got an augmentation both in glebe and
income; and to mark my reason for what I did, I took upon me to keep
and clothe the wives and orphans of the parish, who lost their
breadwinners in the American war.  But for all that, the heritors
spoke of me as an avaricious Jew, and made the hard-won fruits of
Mrs Balwhidder's great thrift and good management a matter of
reproach against me.  Few of them would come to the church, but
stayed away, to the detriment of their own souls hereafter, in
order, as they thought, to punish me; so that, in the course of this
year, there was a visible decay of the sense of religion among the
better orders of the parish, and, as will be seen in the sequel,
their evil example infected the minds of many of the rising
generation.

It was in this year that Mr Cayenne bought the mailing of the
Wheatrigs, but did not begin to build his house till the following
spring; for being ill to please with a plan, he fell out with the
builders, and on one occasion got into such a passion with Mr
Trowel, the mason, that he struck him a blow on the face, for which
he was obligated to make atonement.  It was thought the matter would
have been carried before the Lords; but, by the mediation of Mr
Kibbock, with my helping hand, a reconciliation was brought about,
Mr Cayenne indemnifying the mason with a sum of money to say no more
anent it; after which, he employed him to build his house, a thing
that no man could have thought possible, who reflected on the enmity
between them.



CHAPTER XXVIII  YEAR 1787



There had been, as I have frequently observed, a visible improvement
going on in the parish.  From the time of the making of the toll-
road, every new house that was built in the clachan was built along
that road.  Among other changes hereby caused, the Lady Macadam's
jointure-house that was, which stood in a pleasant parterre,
inclosed within a stone wall and an iron gate, having a pillar with
a pineapple head on each side, came to be in the middle of the town.
While Mr Cayenne inhabited the same, it was maintained in good
order; but on his flitting to his own new house on the Wheatrigs,
the parterre was soon overrun with weeds, and it began to wear the
look of a waste place.  Robert Toddy, who then kept the change-
house, and who had, from the lady's death, rented the coach-house
for stabling, in this juncture thought of it for an inn; so he set
his own house to Thomas Treddles the weaver, whose son, William, is
now the great Glasgow manufacturer, that has cotton-mills and steam-
engines, and took, "the Place," as it was called, and had a fine
sign, THE CROSS-KEYS, painted and put up in golden characters, by
which it became one of the most noted inns anywhere to be seen; and
the civility of Mrs Toddy was commended by all strangers.  But
although this transmutation from a change-house to an inn was a vast
amendment, in a manner, to the parish, there was little amendment of
manners thereby; for the farmer lads began to hold dancings and
other riotous proceedings there, and to bring, as it were, the evil
practices of towns into the heart of the country.  All sort of
licence was allowed as to drink and hours; and the edifying example
of Mr Mutchkins and his pious family, was no longer held up to the
imitation of the wayfaring man.

Saving the mutation of "the Place" into an inn, nothing very
remarkable happened in this year.  We got into our new manse about
the middle of March; but it was rather damp, being new plastered,
and it caused me to have a severe attack of the rheumatics in the
fall of the year.

I should not, in my notations, forget to mark a new luxury that got
in among the commonality at this time.  By the opening of new roads,
and the traffic thereon with carts and carriers, and by our young
men that were sailors going to the Clyde, and sailing to Jamaica and
the West Indies, heaps of sugar and coffee-beans were brought home,
while many, among the kail-stocks and cabbages in their yards, had
planted groset and berry bushes; which two things happening
together, the fashion to make jam and jelly, which hitherto had been
only known in the kitchens and confectionaries of the gentry, came
to be introduced into the clachan.  All this, however, was not
without a plausible pretext; for it was found that jelly was an
excellent medicine for a sore throat, and jam a remedy as good as
London candy for a cough, or a cold, or a shortness of breath.  I
could not, however, say that this gave me so much concern as the
smuggling trade, only it occasioned a great fasherie to Mrs
Balwhidder; for, in the berry time, there was no end to the
borrowing of her brass-pan to make jelly and jam, till Mrs Toddy of
the Cross-Keys bought one, which, in its turn, came into request,
and saved ours.

It was in the Martinmas quarter of this year that I got the first
payment of my augmentation.  Having no desire to rip up old sores, I
shall say no more anent it, the worst being anticipated in my
chronicle of the last year; but there was a thing happened in the
payment that occasioned a vexation at the time, of a very
disagreeable nature.  Daft Meg Gaffaw, who, from the tragical death
of her mother, was a privileged subject, used to come to the manse
on the Saturdays for a meal of meat; and so it fell out that as, by
some neglect of mine, no steps had been taken to regulate the
disposal of the victual that constituted the means of the
augmentation, some of the heritors, in an ungracious temper, sent
what they called the tithe-ball (the Lord knows it was not the
fiftieth!) to the manse, where I had no place to put it.  This fell
out on a Saturday night, when I was busy with my sermon, thinking
not of silver or gold, but of much better; so that I was greatly
molested and disturbed thereby.  Daft Meg, who sat by the kitchen
chimley-lug, hearing a', said nothing for a time; but when she saw
how Mrs Balwhidder and me were put to, she cried out with a loud
voice, like a soul under the inspiration of prophecy--"When the
widow's cruse had filled all the vessels in the house, the Lord
stopped the increase.  Verily, verily, I say unto you, if your barns
be filled, and your girnell-kists can hold no more, seek till ye
shall find the tume basins of the poor, and therein pour the corn,
and the oil, and the wine of your abundance; so shall ye be blessed
of the Lord."  The which words I took for an admonition, and
directing the sacks to be brought into the dining-room and other
chambers of the manse, I sent off the heritors' servants, that had
done me this prejudice, with an unexpected thankfulness.  But this,
as I afterwards was informed, both them and their masters attributed
to the greedy grasp of avarice, with which they considered me as
misled; and having said so, nothing could exceed their mortification
on Monday, when they heard (for they were of those who had deserted
the kirk) that I had given by the precentor notice to every widow in
the parish that was in need, to come to the manse and she would
receive her portion of the partitioning of the augmentation.  Thus,
without any offence on my part, saving the strictness of justice,
was a division made between me and the heritors; but the people were
with me; and my own conscience was with me; and though the fronts of
the lofts and the pews of the heritors were but thinly filled, I
trusted that a good time was coming, when the gentry would see the
error of their way.  So I bent the head of resignation to the Lord,
and, assisted by the wisdom of Mr Kibbock, adhered to the course I
had adopted; but at the close of the year my heart was sorrowful for
the schism; and my prayer on Hogmanay was one of great bitterness of
soul, that such an evil had come to pass.



CHAPTER XXIX  YEAR 1788



It had been often remarked by ingenious men, that the Brawl burn,
which ran through the parish, though a small, was yet a rapid
stream, and had a wonderful capability for damming, and to turn
mills.  From the time that the Irville water deserted its channel
this brook grew into repute, and several mills and dams had been
erected on its course.  In this year a proposal came from Glasgow to
build a cotton-mill on its banks, beneath the Witch-linn, which
being on a corner of the Wheatrig, the property of Mr Cayenne, he
not only consented thereto, but took a part in the profit or loss
therein; and, being a man of great activity, though we thought him,
for many a day, a serpent-plague sent upon the parish, he proved
thereby one of our greatest benefactors.  The cotton-mill was built,
and a spacious fabric it was--nothing like it had been seen before
in our day and generation--and, for the people that were brought to
work in it, a new town was built in the vicinity, which Mr Cayenne,
the same being founded on his land, called Cayenneville, the name of
the plantation in Virginia that had been taken from him by the
rebellious Americans.  From that day Fortune was lavish of her
favours upon him; his property swelled, and grew in the most
extraordinary manner, and the whole country side was stirring with a
new life.  For, when the mill was set a-going, he got weavers of
muslin established in Cayenneville; and shortly after, but that did
not take place till the year following, he brought women all the way
from the neighbourhood of Manchester, in England, to teach the
lassie bairns in our old clachan tambouring.

Some of the ancient families, in their turreted houses, were not
pleased with this innovation, especially when they saw the handsome
dwellings that were built for the weavers of the mills, and the
unstinted hand that supplied the wealth required for the carrying on
of the business.  It sank their pride into insignificance, and many
of them would almost rather have wanted the rise that took place in
the value of their lands, than have seen this incoming of what they
called o'er-sea speculation.  But, saving the building of the
cotton-mill, and the beginning of Cayenneville, nothing more
memorable happened in this year, still it was nevertheless a year of
a great activity.  The minds of men were excited to new enterprises;
a new genius, as it were, had descended upon the earth, and there
was an erect and outlooking spirit abroad that was not to be
satisfied with the taciturn regularity of ancient affairs.  Even
Miss Sabrina Hooky, the schoolmistress, though now waned from her
meridian, was touched with the enlivening rod, and set herself to
learn and to teach tambouring, in such a manner as to supersede by
precept and example that old time-honoured functionary, as she
herself called it, the spinning-wheel, proving, as she did one night
to Mr Kibbock and me, that, if more money could be made by a woman
tambouring than by spinning, it was better for her to tambour than
to spin.

But, in the midst of all this commercing and manufacturing, I began
to discover signs of decay in the wonted simplicity of our country
ways.  Among the cotton-spinners and muslin weavers of Cayenneville
were several unsatisfied and ambitious spirits, who clubbed
together, and got a London newspaper to the Cross-Keys, where they
were nightly in the habit of meeting and debating about the affairs
of the French, which were then gathering towards a head.  They were
represented to me as lads by common in capacity, but with unsettled
notions of religion.  They were, however, quiet and orderly; and
some of them since, at Glasgow, Paisley, and Manchester, even, I am
told, in London, have grown into a topping way.

It seems they did not like my manner of preaching, and on that
account absented themselves from public worship; which, when I
heard, I sent for some of them, to convince them of their error with
regard to the truth of divers points of doctrine; but they
confounded me with their objections, and used my arguments, which
were the old and orthodox proven opinions of the Divinity Hall, as
if they had been the light sayings of a vain man.  So that I was
troubled, fearing that some change would ensue to my people, who had
hitherto lived amidst the boughs and branches of the gospel
unmolested by the fowler's snare, and I set myself to watch
narrowly, and with a vigilant eye, what would come to pass.

There was a visible increase among us of worldly prosperity in the
course of this year; insomuch that some of the farmers, who were in
the custom of taking their vendibles to the neighbouring towns on
the Tuesdays, the Wednesdays, and Fridays, were led to open a market
on the Saturdays in our own clachan, the which proved a great
convenience.  But I cannot take it upon me to say, whether this can
be said to have well begun in the present Ann. Dom., although I know
that in the summer of the ensuing year it was grown into a settled
custom; which I well recollect by the Macadams coming with their
bairns to see Mrs Malcolm, their mother, suddenly on a Saturday
afternoon; on which occasion me and Mrs Balwhidder were invited to
dine with them, and Mrs Malcolm bought in the market for the dinner
that day, both mutton and fowls, such as twenty years before could
not have been got for love or money on such a pinch.  Besides, she
had two bottles of red and white wine from the Cross-Keys, luxuries
which, saving in the Breadland House in its best days, could not
have been had in the whole parish, but must have been brought from a
borough town; for Eaglesham Castle is not within the bounds of
Dalmailing, and my observe does not apply to the stock and stores of
that honourable mansion, but only to the dwellings of our own
heritors, who were in general straitened in their circumstances,
partly with upsetting, and partly by the eating rust of family
pride, which hurt the edge of many a clever fellow among them, that
would have done well in the way of trade, but sunk into divors for
the sake of their genteelity.



CHAPTER XXX  YEAR 1789



This I have always reflected upon as one of our blessed years.  It
was not remarkable for any extraordinary occurrence; but there was a
hopefulness in the minds of men, and a planning of new undertakings,
of which, whatever may be the upshot, the devising is ever rich in
the cheerful anticipations of good.

Another new line of road was planned, for a shorter cut to the
cotton-mill, from the main road to Glasgow, and a public-house was
opened in Cayenneville:  the latter, however, was not an event that
gave me much satisfaction; but it was a convenience to the
inhabitants, and the carriers that brought the cotton-bags and took
away the yarn twice a-week, needed a place of refreshment.  And
there was a stage-coach set up thrice every week from Ayr, that
passed through the town, by which it was possible to travel to
Glasgow between breakfast and dinner time, a thing that could not,
when I came to the parish, have been thought within the compass of
man.

This stage-coach I thought one of the greatest conveniences that had
been established among us; and it enabled Mrs Balwhidder to send a
basket of her fresh butter into the Glasgow market, by which, in the
spring and the fall of the year, she got a great price; for the
Glasgow merchants are fond of excellent eatables, and the payment
was aye ready money--Tam Whirlit the driver paying for the one
basket when he took up the other.

In this year William Malcolm, the youngest son of the widow, having
been some time a tutor in a family in the east country, came to see
his mother, as indeed he had done every year from the time he went
to the college; but this occasion was made remarkable by his
preaching in my pulpit.  His old acquaintance were curious to hear
him; and I myself had a sort of a wish likewise, being desirous to
know how far he was orthodox; so I thought fit, on the suggestion of
one of the elders, to ask him to preach one day for me, which, after
some fleeching, he consented to do.  I think, however, there was a
true modesty in his diffidence, although his reason was a weak one,
being lest he might not satisfy his mother, who had as yet never
heard him.  Accordingly, on the Sabbath after, he did preach, and
the kirk was well packed, and I was not one of the least attentive
of the congregation.  His sermon assuredly was well put together and
there was nothing to object to in his doctrine; but the elderly
people thought his language rather too Englified, which I thought
likewise; for I never could abide that the plain auld Kirk of
Scotland, with her sober presbyterian simplicity, should borrow,
either in word or in deed, from the language of the prelatic
hierarchy of England.  Nevertheless, the younger part of the
congregation were loud in his praise, saying, there had not been
heard before such a style of language in our side of the country.
As for Mrs Malcolm, his mother, when I spoke to her anent the same,
she said but little, expressing only her hope that his example would
be worthy of his precepts; so that, upon the whole, it was a
satisfaction to us all, that he was likely to prove a stoop and
upholding pillar to the Kirk of Scotland.  And his mother had the
satisfaction, before she died, to see him a placed minister, and his
name among the authors of his country; for he published at Edinburgh
a volume of Moral Essays, of which he sent me a pretty bound copy,
and they were greatly creditable to his pen, though lacking somewhat
of that birr and smeddum that is the juice and flavour of books of
that sort.



CHAPTER XXXI  YEAR 1790



The features of this Ann. Dom. partook of the character of its
predecessor.  Several new houses were added to the clachan;
Cayenneville was spreading out with weavers' shops, and growing up
fast into a town.  In some respects it got the start of ours; for
one day, when I was going to dine with Mr Cayenne at Wheatrig House,
not a little to my amazement, did I behold a bookseller's shop
opened there, with sticks of red and black wax, pouncet-boxes, pens,
pocket-books, and new publications, in the window, such as the like
of was only to be seen in cities and borough towns.  And it was
lighted at night by a patent lamp, which shed a wonderful beam,
burning oil, and having no smoke.  The man sold likewise perfumery,
powder-puffs, trinkets, and Dublin dolls, besides penknives, Castile
soap, and walking-sticks, together with a prodigy of other luxuries
too tedious to mention.

Upon conversing with the man, for I was enchanted to go into this
phenomenon, for as no less could I regard it, he told me that he had
a correspondence with London, and could get me down any book
published there within the same month in which it came out; and he
showed me divers of the newest come out, of which I did not read
even in the Scots Magazine till more than three months after,
although I had till then always considered that work as most
interesting for its early intelligence.  But what I was most
surprised to hear, was, that he took in a daily London newspaper for
the spinners and weavers, who paid him a penny a-week a-piece for
the same; they being all greatly taken up with what, at the time,
was going on in France.

This bookseller in the end, however, proved a whawp in our nest, for
he was in league with some of the English reformers; and when the
story took wind three years after, concerning the plots and treasons
of the corresponding societies and democrats, he was fain to make a
moonlight flitting, leaving his wife for a time to manage his
affairs.  I could not, however, think any ill of the man
notwithstanding; for he had very correct notions of right and
justice, in a political sense, and when he came into the parish he
was as orderly and well-behaved as any other body; and conduct is a
test that I have always found as good for a man's principles as
professions.  Nor, at the time of which I am speaking, was there any
of that dread or fear of reforming the government that has since
been occasioned by the wild and wasteful hand which the French
employed in their revolution.

But, among other improvements, I should mention that a Doctor
Marigold came and settled in Cayenneville, a small, round, happy-
tempered man, whose funny stories were far better liked than his
drugs.  There was a doubt among some of the weavers if he was a
skilful Esculapian; and this doubt led to their holding out an
inducement to another medical man, Dr. Tanzey, to settle there
likewise, by which it grew into a saying, that at Cayenneville there
was a doctor for health as well as sickness; for Dr. Marigold was
one of the best hands in the country at a pleasant punch-bowl, while
Dr. Tanzey had all the requisite knowledge for the faculty for the
bedside.

It was in this year that the hour-plate and hand on the kirk steeple
were renewed, as indeed, may yet be seen by the date, though it be
again greatly in want of fresh gilding; for it was by my advice that
the figures of the Ann. Dom. were placed one in each corner.  In
this year, likewise, the bridge over the Brawl burn was built--a
great convenience, in the winter time, to the parishioners that
lived on the north side; for when there happened to be a spait on
the Sunday, it kept them from the kirk; but I did not find that the
bridge mended the matter, till after the conclusion of the war
against the democrats, and the beginning of that which we are now
waging with Boney, their child and champion.  It is, indeed,
wonderful to think of the occultation of grace that was taking place
about this time, throughout the whole bound of Christendom; for I
could mark a visible darkness of infidelity spreading in the corner
of the vineyard committed to my keeping, and a falling away of the
vines from their wonted props and confidence in the truths of
Revelation.  But I said nothing.  I knew that the faith could not be
lost, and that it would be found purer and purer the more it was
tried; and this I have lived to see, many now being zealous members
of the church, that were abundantly lukewarm at the period of which
I am now speaking.



CHAPTER XXXII  YEAR 1791



In the spring of this year, I took my son Gilbert into Glasgow, to
place him in a counting-house.  As he had no inclination for any of
the learned professions, and not having been there from the time
when I was sent to the General Assembly, I cannot express my
astonishment at the great improvements, surpassing far all that was
done in our part of the country, which I thought was not to be
paralleled.  When I came afterwards to reflect on my simplicity in
this, it was clear to me that we should not judge of the rest of the
world by what we see going on around ourselves, but walk abroad into
other parts, and thereby enlarge our sphere of observation, as well
as ripen our judgment of things.

But although there was no doubt a great and visible increase of the
city, loftier buildings on all sides, and streets that spread their
arms far into the embraces of the country, I thought the looks of
the population were impaired, and that there was a greater
proportion of long white faces in the Trongate, than when I attended
the Divinity class.  These, I was told, were the weavers and others
concerned in the cotton trade, which I could well believe, for they
were very like in their looks to the men of Cayenneville; but from
living in a crowded town, and not breathing a wholesome country air
between their tasks, they had a stronger cast of unhealthy
melancholy.  I was therefore very glad that Providence had placed in
my hand the pastoral staff of a country parish; for it cut me to the
heart to see so many young men, in the rising prime of life, already
in the arms of a pale consumption.  "If, therefore," said I to Mrs
Balwhidder, when I returned home to the manse, "we live, as it were,
within the narrow circle of ignorance, we are spared from the pain
of knowing many an evil; and, surely, in much knowledge there is
sadness of heart."

But the main effect of this was to make me do all in my power to
keep my people contented with their lowly estate; for in that same
spirit of improvement, which was so busy every where, I could
discern something like a shadow, that showed it was not altogether
of that pure advantage which avarice led all so eagerly to believe.
Accordingly, I began a series of sermons on the evil and vanity of
riches, and, for the most part of the year, pointed out in what
manner they led the possessor to indulge in sinful luxuries, and how
indulgence begat desire, and desire betrayed integrity and corrupted
the heart; making it evident that the rich man was liable to forget
his unmerited obligations to God, and to oppress the laborious and
the needful when he required their services.

Little did I imagine, in thus striving to keep aloof the ravenous
wolf Ambition from my guileless flock, that I was giving cause for
many to think me an enemy to the king and government, and a
perverter of Christianity, to suit levelling doctrines.  But so it
was.  Many of the heritors considered me a blackneb, though I knew
it not, but went on in the course of my duty, thinking only how best
to preserve peace on earth and goodwill towards men.  I saw,
however, an altered manner in the deportment of several, with whom I
had long lived in friendly terms.  It was not marked enough to make
me inquire the cause, but sufficiently plain to affect my ease of
mind.  Accordingly, about the end of this year, I fell into a dull
way:  my spirit was subdued, and at times I was aweary of the day,
and longed for the night, when I might close my eyes in peaceful
slumbers.  I missed my son Gilbert, who had been a companion to me
in the long nights, while his mother was busy with the lasses, and
their ceaseless wheels and cardings, in the kitchen.  Often could I
have found it in my heart to have banned that never-ceasing
industry, and to tell Mrs Balwhidder, that the married state was
made for something else than to make napery and beetle blankets; but
it was her happiness to keep all at work, and she had no pleasure in
any other way of life, so I sat many a night by the fireside with
resignation; sometimes in the study, and sometimes in the parlour,
and, as I was doing nothing, Mrs Balwhidder said it was needless to
light the candle.  Our daughter Janet was in this time at a
boarding-school in Ayr, so that I was really a most solitary married
man.



CHAPTER XXXIII  YEAR 1792



When the spring in this year began to brighten on the brae, the
cloud of dulness that had darkened and oppressed me all the winter
somewhat melted away, and I could now and then joke again at the
never-ending toil and trouble of that busiest of all bees, the
second Mrs Balwhidder.  But still I was far from being right:  a
small matter affected me, and I was overly given to walking by
myself, and musing on things that I could tell nothing about--my
thoughts were just the rack of a dream without form, and driving
witlessly as the smoke that mounteth up, and is lost in the airy
heights of the sky.

Heeding little of what was going on in the clachan, and taking no
interest in the concerns of any body, I would have been contented to
die, but I had no ail about me.  An accident, however, fell out,
that, by calling on me for an effort, had the blessed influence of
clearing my vapours almost entirely away.

One morning as I was walking on the sunny side of the road, where
the footpath was in the next year made to the cotton-mill, I fell in
with Mr Cayenne, who was seemingly much fashed--a small matter could
do that at any time; and he came up to me with a red face and an
angry eye.  It was not my intent to speak to him; for I was grown
loth to enter into conversation with any body, so I bowed and passed
on.  "What," cried Mr Cayenne, "and will you not speak to me?"  I
turned round, and said meekly, "Mr Cayenne, I have no objections to
speak to you; but having nothing particular to say, it did not seem
necessary just now."

He looked at me like a gled, and in a minute exclaimed, "Mad, by
Jupiter! as mad as a March hare!"  He then entered into conversation
with me, and said, that he had noticed me an altered man, and was
just so far on his way to the manse, to enquire what had befallen
me.  So, from less to more, we entered into the marrow of my case;
and I told him how I had observed the estranged countenances of some
of the heritors; at which he swore an oath, that they were a parcel
of the damn'dest boobies in the country, and told me how they had
taken it into their heads that I was a leveller.  "But I know you
better," said Mr Cayenne, "and have stood up for you as an honest
conscientious man, though I don't much like your humdrum preaching.
However, let that pass; I insist upon your dining with me to-day,
when some of these arrant fools are to be with us, and the devil's
in't if I don't make you friends with them."  I did not think Mr
Cayenne, however, very well qualified for peacemaker, but,
nevertheless, I consented to go; and having thus got an inkling of
the cause of that cold back-turning which had distressed me so much,
I made such an effort to remove the error that was entertained
against me, that some of the heritors, before we separated, shook me
by the hands with the cordiality of renewed friendship; and, as if
to make amends for past neglect, there was no end to their
invitations to dinner which had the effect of putting me again on my
mettle, and removing the thick and muddy melancholious humour out of
my blood.

But what confirmed my cure was the coming home of my daughter Janet
from the Ayr boarding-school, where she had learnt to play on the
spinnet, and was become a conversible lassie, with a competent
knowledge, for a woman of geography and history; so that when her
mother was busy with the weariful booming wheel, she entertained me
sometimes with a tune, and sometimes with her tongue, which made the
winter nights fly cantily by.

Whether it was owing to the malady of my imagination throughout the
greatest part of this year, or that really nothing particular did
happen to interest me, I cannot say; but it is very remarkable that
I have nothing remarkable to record--further, than I was at the
expense myself of getting the manse rough-case, and the window
cheeks painted, with roans put up, rather than apply to the
heritors; for they were always sorely fashed when called upon for
outlay.



CHAPTER XXXIV  YEAR 1793



On the first night of this year I dreamt a very remarkable dream,
which, when I now recall to mind at this distance of time, I cannot
but think that there was a case of prophecy in it.  I thought that I
stood on the tower of an old popish kirk, looking out at the window
upon the kirkyard, where I beheld ancient tombs, with effigies and
coats-of-arms on the wall thereof, and a great gate at the one side,
and a door that led into a dark and dismal vault at the other.  I
thought all the dead that were lying in the common graves, rose out
of their coffins; at the same time, from the old and grand
monuments, with the effigies and coats-of-arms, came the great men,
and the kings of the earth with crowns on their heads, and globes
and sceptres in their hands.

I stood wondering what was to ensue, when presently I heard the
noise of drums and trumpets, and anon I beheld an army with banners
entering in at the gate; upon which the kings and the great men came
also forth in their power and array, and a dreadful battle was
foughten; but the multitude that had risen from the common graves,
stood afar off, and were but lookers-on.

The kings and their host were utterly discomfited.  They were driven
within the doors of their monuments, their coats-of-arms were broken
off, and their effigies cast down, and the victors triumphed over
them with the flourishes of trumpets and the waving of banners.  But
while I looked, the vision was changed, and I then beheld a wide and
a dreary waste, and afar off the steeples of a great city, and a
tower in the midst, like the tower of Babel, and on it I could
discern, written in characters of fire, "Public Opinion."  While I
was pondering at the same, I heard a great shout, and presently the
conquerors made their appearance, coming over the desolate moor.
They were going in great pride and might towards the city; but an
awful burning rose, afar as it were in the darkness, and the flames
stood like a tower of fire that reached unto the heavens.  And I saw
a dreadful hand and an arm stretched from out of the cloud, and in
its hold was a besom made of the hail and the storm, and it swept
the fugitives like dust; and in their place I saw the churchyard, as
it were, cleared and spread around, the graves closed, and the
ancient tombs, with their coats-of-arms and their effigies of stone,
all as they were in the beginning.  I then awoke, and behold it was
a dream.

This vision perplexed me for many days, and when the news came that
the King of France was beheaded by the hands of his people, I
received, as it were, a token in confirmation of the vision that had
been disclosed to me in my sleep, and I preached a discourse on the
same, and against the French Revolution, that was thought one of the
greatest and soundest sermons that I had ever delivered in my
pulpit.

On the Monday following, Mr Cayenne, who had been some time before
appointed a justice of the peace, came over from Wheatrig House to
the Cross-Keys, where he sent for me and divers other respectable
inhabitants of the clachan, and told us that he was to have a sad
business, for a warrant was out to bring before him two democratical
weaver lads, on a suspicion of high treason.  Scarcely were the
words uttered when they were brought in, and he began to ask them
how they dared to think of dividing, with their liberty and equality
of principles, his and every other man's property in the country.
The men answered him in a calm manner, and told him they sought no
man's property, but only their own natural rights; upon which he
called them traitors and reformers.  They denied they were traitors,
but confessed they were reformers, and said they knew not how that
should be imputed to them as a fault, for that the greatest men of
all times had been reformers,--"Was not," they said, "our Lord Jesus
Christ a reformer?"--"And what the devil did he make of it?" cried
Mr Cayenne, bursting with passion; "Was he not crucified?"

I thought, when I heard these words, that the pillars of the earth
sank beneath me, and that the roof of the house was carried away in
a whirlwind.  The drums of my ears crackit, blue starns danced
before my sight, and I was fain to leave the house and hie me home
to the manse, where I sat down in my study, like a stupified
creature, awaiting what would betide.  Nothing, however, was found
against the weaver lads; but I never from that day could look on Mr
Cayenne as a Christian, though surely he was a true government-man.

Soon after this affair, there was a pleasant re-edification of a
gospel-spirit among the heritors, especially when they heard how I
had handled the regicides in France; and on the following Sunday, I
had the comfortable satisfaction to see many a gentleman in their
pews, that had not been for years within a kirk-door.  The
democrats, who took a world of trouble to misrepresent the actions
of the gentry, insinuated that all this was not from any new sense
of grace, but in fear of their being reported as suspected persons
to the king's government.  But I could not think so, and considered
their renewal of communion with the church as a swearing of
allegiance to the King of kings, against that host of French
atheists, who had torn the mortcloth from the coffin, and made it a
banner, with which they were gone forth to war against the Lamb.
The whole year was, however, spent in great uneasiness, and the
proclamation of the war was followed by an appalling stop in trade.
We heard of nothing but failures on all hands; and among others that
grieved me, was that of Mr Maitland of Glasgow, who had befriended
Mrs Malcolm in the days of her affliction, and gave her son Robert
his fine ship.  It was a sore thing to hear of so many breakings,
especially of old respected merchants like him, who had been a Lord
Provost, and was far declined into the afternoon of life.  He did
not, however, long survive the mutation of his fortune; but bending
his aged head in sorrow, sank down beneath the stroke, to rise no
more.



CHAPTER XXXV  YEAR 1794



This year had opened into all the leafiness of midsummer before
anything memorable happened in the parish, further than that the sad
division of my people into government-men and jacobins was
perfected.  This calamity, for I never could consider such
heartburning among neighbours as any thing less than a very heavy
calamity, was assuredly occasioned by faults on both sides; but it
must be confessed that the gentry did nothing to win the commonality
from the errors of their way.  A little more condescension on their
part would not have made things worse, and might have made them
better; but pride interposed, and caused them to think that any show
of affability from them would be construed by the democrats into a
terror of their power; while the democrats were no less to blame;
for hearing how their compeers were thriving in France, and
demolishing every obstacle to their ascendency, they were crouse and
really insolent, evidencing none of that temperance in prosperity
that proves the possessors worthy of their good fortune.

As for me, my duty in these circumstances was plain and simple.  The
Christian religion was attempted to be brought into disrepute; the
rising generation were taught to gibe at its holiest ordinances; and
the kirk was more frequented as a place to while away the time on a
rainy Sunday, than for any insight of the admonitions and
revelations in the sacred book.  Knowing this, I perceived that it
would be of no effect to handle much the mysteries of the faith; but
as there was at the time a bruit and a sound about universal
benevolence, philanthropy, utility, and all the other disguises with
which an infidel philosophy appropriated to itself the charity,
brotherly love, and welldoing inculcated by our holy religion, I set
myself to task upon these heads, and thought it no robbery to use a
little of the stratagem employed against Christ's kingdom, to
promote the interests thereof in the hearts and understandings of
those whose ears would have been sealed against me, had I attempted
to expound higher things.  Accordingly, on one day it was my
practice to show what the nature of Christian charity was, comparing
it to the light and warmth of the sun, that shines impartially on
the just and the unjust--showing that man, without the sense of it
as a duty, was as the beasts that perish, and that every feeling of
his nature was intimately selfish, but then when actuated by this
divine impulse, he rose out of himself, and became as a god, zealous
to abate the sufferings of all things that live; and, on the next
day, I demonstrated that the new benevolence which had come so much
into vogue, was but another version of this Christian virtue.  In
like manner, I dealt with brotherly love, bringing it home to the
business and bosoms of my hearers, that the Christianity of it was
neither enlarged nor bettered by being baptized with the Greek name
of philanthropy.  With welldoing, however, I went more roundly to
work, I told my people that I thought they had more sense than to
secede from Christianity to become Utilitarians; for that it would
be a confession of ignorance of the faith they deserved, seeing that
it was the main duty inculcated by our religion to do all in morals
and manners to which the newfangled doctrine of utility pretended.

These discourses, which I continued for sometime, had no great
effect on the men; but being prepared in a familiar household
manner, they took the fancies of the young women, which was to me an
assurance that the seed I had planted would in time shoot forth; for
I reasoned with myself, that if the gudeman of the immediate
generation should continue free-thinkers, their wives will take care
that those of the next shall not lack that spunk of grace; so I was
cheered under that obscurity which fell upon Christianity at this
time, with a vista beyond, in which I saw, as it were, the children
unborn, walking on the bright green, and in the unclouded splendour
of the faith.

But what with the decay of trade, and the temptation of the king's
bounty, and, over all, the witlessness that was in the spirit of man
at this time, the number that enlisted in the course for the year
from the parish was prodigious.  In one week no less than three
weavers and two cotton-spinners went over to Ayr, and took the
bounty of the Royal Artillery.  But I could not help remarking to
myself, that the people were grown so used to changes and
extraordinary adventures, that the single enlistment of Thomas
Wilson, at the beginning of the American war, occasioned a far
greater grief and work among us, than all the swarms that went off
week after week in the months of November and December of this year.



CHAPTER XXXVI  YEAR 1795



The present Ann. Dom. was ushered in with an event that I had never
dreaded to see in my day, in our once sober and religious country
parish.  The number of lads that had gone over to Ayr to be soldiers
from among the spinners and weavers of Cayenneville had been so
great, that the government got note of it, and sent a recruiting
party to be quartered in the town; for the term clachan was
beginning by this time to wear out of fashion:  indeed, the place
itself was outgrowing the fitness of that title.  Never shall I
forget the dunt that the first tap of the drum gied to my heart, as
I was sitting on Hansel Monday by myself at the parlour fireside,
Mrs Balwhidder being throng with the lassies looking out a washing,
and my daughter at Ayr, spending a few days with her old comrades of
the boarding school.  I thought it was the enemy; and then anon the
sound of the fife came shrill to the ear, for the night was lown and
peaceful.  My wife and all the lassies came flying in upon me,
crying all in the name of heaven, what could it be? by which I was
obligated to put on my big-coat, and, with my hat and staff, go out
to enquire.  The whole town was aloof, the aged at the doors in
clusters, and the bairns following the tattoo, as it was called, and
at every doubling beat of the drum, shouting as if they had been in
the face of their foemen.

Mr Archibald Dozendale, one of my elders, was saying to several
persons around him, just as I came up, "Hech, sirs! but the battle
draws near our gates," upon which there was a heavy sigh from all
that heard him; and then they told me of the sergeant's business;
and we had a serious communing together anent the same.  But while
we were thus standing discoursing on the causey, Mrs Balwhidder and
the servant lassies could thole no longer, but in a troop came in
quest of me, to hear what was doing.  In short, it was a night both
of sorrow and anxiety.  Mr Dozendale walked back to the manse with
us, and we had a sober tumbler of toddy together; marvelling
exceedingly where these fearful portents and changes would stop,
both of us being of opinion that the end of the world was drawing
nearer and nearer.

Whether it was, however, that the lads belonging to the place did
not like to show themselves with the enlistment cockades among their
acquaintance, or that there was any other reason, I cannot take it
upon me to say; but certain it is, the recruiting party came no
speed, and, in consequence, were removed about the end of March.

Another thing happened in this year, too remarkable for me to
neglect to put on record, as it strangely and strikingly marked the
rapid revolutions that were going on.  In the month of August at the
time of the fair, a gang of playactors came, and hired Thomas
Thacklan's barn for their enactments.  They were the first of that
clanjamfrey who had ever been in the parish; and there was a
wonderful excitement caused by the rumours concerning them.  Their
first performance was DOUGLAS TRAGEDY and the GENTLE SHEPHERD:  and
the general opinion was, that the lad who played Norval in the play,
and Patie in the farce, was an English lord's son, who had run away
from his parents rather than marry an old cracket lady with a great
portion.  But, whatever truth there might be in this notion, certain
it is, the whole pack was in a state of perfect beggary; and yet,
for all that, they not only in their parts, as I was told, laughed
most heartily, but made others do the same; for I was constrained to
let my daughter go to see them, with some of her acquaintance; and
she gave me such an account of what they did, that I thought I would
have liked to have gotten a keek at them myself.  At the same time,
I must own this was a sinful curiosity, and I stifled it to the best
of my ability.  Among other plays that they did, was one called
MACBETH AND THE WITCHES, which the Miss Cayennes had seen performed
in London, when they were there in the winter time with their
father, for three months, seeing the world, after coming from the
boarding-school.  But it was no more like the true play of
Shakespeare the poet, according to their account, than a duddy
betheral, set up to fright the sparrows from the peas, is like a
living gentleman.  The hungry players, instead of behaving like
guests at the royal banquet, were voracious on the needful feast of
bread, and the strong ale, that served for wine in decanters.  But
the greatest sport of all was about a kail-pot, that acted the part
of a caldron, and which should have sunk with thunder and lightning
into the earth; however, it did quite as well, for it made its exit,
as Miss Virginia said, by walking quietly off, being pulled by a
string fastened to one of its feet.  No scene of the play was so
much applauded as this one; and the actor who did the part of King
Macbeth made a most polite bow of thankfulness to the audience, for
the approbation with which they had received the performance of the
pot.

We had likewise, shortly after the "Omnes exeunt" of the players, an
exhibition of a different sort in the same barn.  This was by two
English quakers, and a quaker lady, tanners of Kendal, who had been
at Ayr on some leather business, where they preached, but made no
proselytes.  The travellers were all three in a whisky, drawn by one
of the best-ordered horses, as the hostler at the Cross-Keys told
me, ever seen.  They came to the Inn to their dinner, and meaning to
stay all night, sent round, to let it be known that they would hold
a meeting in Friend Thacklan's barn; but Thomas denied they were
either kith or kin to him:  this, however, was their way of
speaking.

In the evening, owing to the notice, a great congregation was
assembled in the barn, and I myself, along with Mr Archibald
Dozendale, went there likewise, to keep the people in awe; for we
feared the strangers might be jeered and insulted.  The three were
seated aloft on a high stage, prepared on purpose, with two mares
and scaffold-deals, borrowed from Mr Trowel the mason.  They sat
long, and silent; but at last the spirit moved the woman, and she
rose, and delivered a very sensible exposition of Christianity.  I
was really surprised to hear such sound doctrine; and Mr Dozendale
said, justly, that it was more to the purpose than some that my
younger brethren from Edinburgh endeavoured to teach.  So, that
those who went to laugh at the sincere simplicity of the pious
quakers, were rebuked by a very edifying discourse on the moral
duties of a Christian's life.

Upon the whole, however, this, to the best of my recollection, was
another unsatisfactory year.  In this we were, doubtless, brought
more into the world; but we had a greater variety of temptation set
before us, and there was still jealousy and estrangement in the
dispositions of the gentry, and the lower orders, particularly the
manufacturers.  I cannot say, indeed, that there was any increase of
corruption among the rural portion of my people; for their vocation
calling them to work apart, in the purity of the free air of heaven,
they were kept uncontaminated by that seditious infection which
fevered the minds of the sedentary weavers, and working like
flatulence in the stomachs of the cotton-spinners, sent up into
their heads a vain and diseased fume of infidel philosophy.



CHAPTER XXXVII  YEAR 1796



The prosperity of fortune is like the blossoms of spring, or the
golden hue of the evening cloud.  It delighteth the spirit, and
passeth away,

In the month of February my second wife was gathered to the Lord.
She had been very ill for some time with an income in her side,
which no medicine could remove.  I had the best doctors in the
country side to her; but their skill was of no avail, their opinions
being that her ail was caused by an internal abscess, for which
physic has provided no cure.  Her death was to me a great sorrow;
for she was a most excellent wife, industrious to a degree, and
managed every thing with so brisk a hand, that nothing went wrong
that she put it to.  With her I had grown richer than any other
minister in the presbytery; but, above all, she was the mother of my
bairns, which gave her a double claim upon me.

I laid her by the side of my first love, Betty Lanshaw, my own
cousin that was, and I inscribed her name upon the same headstone;
but time had drained my poetical vein, and I have not yet been able
to indite an epitaph on her merits and virtues, for she had an
eminent share of both.  Her greatest fault--the best have their
faults--was an over-earnestness to gather gear; in the doing of
which I thought she sometimes sacrificed the comforts of a pleasant
fireside; for she was never in her element but when she was keeping
the servants eident at their work.  But, if by this she subtracted
something from the quietude that was most consonant to my nature,
she has left cause, both in bank and bond, for me and her bairns to
bless her great household activity.

She was not long deposited in her place of rest till I had occasion
to find her loss.  All my things were kept by her in a most perjink
and excellent order; but they soon fell into an amazing confusion;
for, as she often said to me, I had a turn for heedlessness;
insomuch, that although my daughter Janet was grown up, and able to
keep the house, I saw that it would be necessary, as soon as decency
would allow, for me to take another wife.  I was moved to this
chiefly by foreseeing that my daughter would in time be married, and
taken away from me, but more on account of the servant lasses, who
grew out of all bounds, verifying the proverb, "Well kens the mouse
when the cat's out of the house."  Besides this, I was now far down
in the vale of years, and could not expect to be long without
feeling some of the penalties of old age, although I was still a
hail and sound man.  It therefore behoved me to look in time for a
helpmate, to tend me in my approaching infirmities.

Upon this important concern I reflected, as I may say, in the
watches of the night; and, considering the circumstances of my
situation, I saw it would not do for me to look out for an overly
young woman, nor yet would it do for one of my ways to take an
elderly maiden, ladies of that sort being liable to possess strong-
set particularities.  I therefore resolved that my choice should lie
among widows of a discreet age; and I had a glimmer in my mind of
speaking to Mrs Malcolm; but when I reflected on the saintly
steadiness of her character, I was satisfied it would be of no use
to think of her.  Accordingly, I bent my brows, and looked towards
Irville, which is an abundant trone for widows and other single
women; and I fixed my purpose on Mrs Nugent, the relic of a
professor in the university of Glasgow, both because she was a well-
bred woman, without any children to plea about the interest of my
own two, and likewise because she was held in great estimation by
all who knew her, as a lady of a Christian principle.

It was some time in the summer, however, before I made up my mind to
speak to her on the subject; but one afternoon, in the month of
August, I resolved to do so, and with that intent walked leisurely
over to Irville; and after calling on the Rev. Dr. Dinwiddie, the
minister, I stepped in, as if by chance, to Mrs Nugent's.  I could
see that she was a little surprised at my visit; however, she
treated me with every possible civility, and her servant lass
bringing in the tea-things in a most orderly manner, as punctually
as the clock was striking, she invited me to sit still, and drink my
tea with her; which I did, being none displeased to get such
encouragement.  However, I said nothing that time, but returned to
the manse, very well content with what I had observed, which made me
fain to repeat my visit.  So, in the course of the week, taking
Janet my daughter with me, we walked over in the forenoon, and
called at Mrs Nugent's first, before going to any other house; and
Janet saying, as we came out to go to the minister's, that she
thought Mrs Nugent an agreeable woman, I determined to knock the
nail on the head without further delay.

Accordingly, I invited the minister and his wife to dine with us on
the Thursday following; and before leaving the town, I made Janet,
while the minister and me were handling a subject, as a sort of
thing in common civility, go to Mrs Nugent, and invite her also.
Dr. Dinwiddie was a gleg man, of a jocose nature; and he, guessing
something of what I was ettling at, was very mirthful with me; but I
kept my own counsel till a meet season.

On the Thursday, the company as invited came, and nothing
extraordinary was seen; but in cutting up and helping a hen, Dr.
Dinwiddie put one wing on Mrs Nugent's plate, and the other wing on
my plate, and said, there have been greater miracles than these two
wings flying together, which was a sharp joke, that caused no little
merriment at the expense of Mrs Nugent and me.  I, however, to show
that I was none daunted, laid a leg also on her plate, and took
another on my own, saying, in the words of the reverend doctor,
there have been greater miracles than that these two legs should lie
in the same nest, which was thought a very clever come off; and, at
the same time, I gave Mrs Nugent a kindly nip on her sonsy arm,
which was breaking the ice in as pleasant a way as could be.  In
short, before anything passed between ourselves on the subject, we
were set down for a trysted pair; and this being the case, we were
married as soon as a twelvemonth and a day had passed from the death
of the second Mrs Balwhidder; and neither of us have had occasion to
rue the bargain.  It is, however, but a piece of justice due to my
second wife to say, that this was not a little owing to her good
management; for she had left such a well-plenished house, that her
successor said, we had nothing to do but to contribute to one
another's happiness.

In this year nothing more memorable happened in the parish, saving
that the cotton-mill dam burst about the time of the Lammas flood,
and the waters went forth like a deluge of destruction, carrying off
much victual, and causing a vast of damage to the mills that are
lower down the stream.  It was just a prodigy to see how calmly Mr
Cayenne acted on that occasion; for, being at other times as crabbed
as a wud terrier, folk were afraid to tell him, till he came out
himself in the morning and saw the devastation; at the sight of
which he gave only a shrill whistle, and began to laugh at the idea
of the men fearing to take him the news, as if he had not fortune
and philosophy enough, as he called it, to withstand much greater
misfortunes.



CHAPTER XXXVIII  YEAR 1797



When I have seen in my walks the irrational creatures of God, the
birds and the beasts, governed by a kindly instinct in attendance on
their young, often has it come into my head that love and charity,
far more than reason or justice, formed the tie that holds the
world, with all its jarring wants and woes, in social dependence and
obligation together; and, in this year, a strong verification of the
soundness of this notion was exemplified in the conduct of the poor
haverel lassie Meg Gaffaw, whose naturality on the occasion of her
mother's death I have related at length in this chronicle.

In the course of the summer, Mr Henry Melcomb, who was a nephew to
Mr Cayenne, came down from England to see his uncle.  He had just
completed his education at the college of Christ Church, in Oxford,
and was the most perfect young gentleman that had ever been seen in
this part of the country.

In his appearance he was a very paragon, with a fine manly
countenance, frank-hearted, blithe, and, in many points of
character, very like my old friend the Lord Eaglesham, who was shot.
Indeed, in some respects, he was even above his lordship; for he had
a great turn at ready wit, and could joke and banter in a most
agreeable manner.  He came very often to the manse to see me, and
took great pleasure in my company, and really used a freedom that
was so droll, I could scarcely keep my composity and decorum with
him.  Among others that shared in his attention, was daft Meg
Gaffaw, whom he had forgathered with one day in coming to see me;
and after conversing with her for some time, he handed her, as she
told me herself, over the kirk-stile like a lady of high degree, and
came with her to the manse door linking by the arm.

From the ill-timed daffin of that hour, poor Meg fell deep in love
with Mr Melcomb; and it was just a playacting to see the arts and
antics she put in practice to win his attention.  In her garb, she
had never any sense of a proper propriety, but went about the
country asking for shapings of silks and satins, with which she
patched her duds, calling them by the divers names of robes and
negligees.  All hitherto, however, had been moderation, compared to
the daffadile of vanity which she was now seen, when she had
searched, as she said, to the bottom of her coffer.  I cannot take
it upon me to describe her; but she kythed in such a variety of
cuffs and ruffles, feathers, old gumflowers, painted paper knots,
ribbons, and furs, and laces, and went about gecking and simpering
with an old fan in her hand, that it was not in the power of nature
to look at her with sobriety.

Her first appearance in this masquerading was at the kirk on the
Sunday following her adventure with Mr  Melcomb, and it was with a
sore difficulty that I could keep my eyes off her, even in prayer;
and when the kirk skailed, she walked before him, spreading all her
grandeur to catch his eye, in such a manner as had not been seen or
heard of since the prank that Lady Macadam played Miss Betty
Wudrife.

Any other but Mr Melcomb would have been provoked by the fool's
folly; but he humoured her wit, and, to the amazement of the whole
people, presented her his hand, and allemanded her along in a manner
that should not have been seen in any street out of a king's court,
and far less on the Lord's day.  But, alas! this sport did not last
long.  Mr Melcomb had come from England to be 'married' to his
cousin, Miss Virginia Cayenne, and poor daft Meg never heard of it
till the banns for their purpose of marriage was read out by Mr
Lorimore on the Sabbath after.  The words were scarcely out of his
mouth, when the simple and innocent natural gave a loud shriek, that
terrified the whole congregation, and ran out of the kirk demented.
There was no more finery for poor Meg; but she went and sat opposite
to the windows of Mr Cayenne's house, where Mr Melcomb was, with
clasped hands and beseeching eyes, like a monumental statue in
alabaster, and no entreaty could drive her away.  Mr Melcomb sent
her money, and the bride many a fine thing; but Meg flung them from
her, and clasped her hands again, and still sat.  Mr Cayenne would
have let loose the house-dog on her, but was not permitted.

In the evening it began to rain, and they thought that and the
coming darkness would drive her away; but when the servants looked
out before barring the doors, there she was in the same posture.  I
was to perform the marriage ceremony at seven o'clock in the
morning, for the young pair were to go that night to Edinburgh; and
when I went, there was Meg sitting looking at the windows with her
hands clasped.  When she saw me she gave a shrill cry, and took me
by the hand, and wised me to go back, crying out in a heart-breaking
voice, "O, Sir!  No yet--no yet!  He'll maybe draw back, and think
of a far truer bride."  I was wae for her and very angry with the
servants for laughing at the fond folly of the ill-less thing.

When the marriage was over, and the carriage at the door, the
bridegroom handed in the bride.  Poor Meg saw this, and jumping up
from where she sat, was at his side like a spirit, as he was
stepping in, and, taking him by the hand, she looked in his face so
piteously, that every heart was sorrowful, for she could say
nothing.  When he pulled away his hand, and the door was shut, she
stood as if she had been charmed to the spot, and saw the chaise
drive away.  All that were about the door then spoke to her, but she
heard us not.  At last she gave a deep sigh, and the water coming
into her eye, she said, "The worm--the worm is my bonny bridegroom,
and Jenny with the many-feet my bridal maid.  The mill-dam water's
the wine o' the wedding, and the clay and the clod shall be my
bedding.  A lang night is meet for a bridal, but none shall be
langer than mine."  In saying which words, she fled from among us,
with heels like the wind.  The servants pursued; but long before
they could stop her, she was past redemption in the deepest plumb of
the cotton-mill dam.

Few deaths had for many a day happened in the parish, to cause so
much sorrow as that of this poor silly creature.  She was a sort of
household familiar among us, and there was much like the inner side
of wisdom in the pattern of her sayings, many of which are still
preserved as proverbs.



CHAPTER XXXIX  YEAR 1798



This was one of the heaviest years in the whole course of my
ministry.  The spring was slow of coming, and cold and wet when it
did come; the dibs were full, the roads foul, and the ground that
should have been dry at the seed-time, was as claggy as clay, and
clung to the harrow.  The labour of man and beast was thereby
augmented; and all nature being in a state of sluggish
indisposition, it was evident to every eye of experience that there
would be a great disappointment to the hopes of the husbandman.

Foreseeing this, I gathered the opinion of all the most sagacious of
my parishioners, and consulted with them for a provision against the
evil day, and we spoke to Mr Cayenne on the subject, for he had a
talent by common in matters of mercantile management.  It was
amazing, considering his hot temper, with what patience he heard the
grounds of our apprehension, and how he questioned and sifted the
experience of the old farmers, till he was thoroughly convinced that
all similar seed-times were ever followed by a short crop.  He then
said, that he would prove himself a better friend to the parish than
he was thought.  Accordingly, as he afterwards told me himself, he
wrote off that very night to his correspondents in America, to buy
for his account all the wheat and flour they could get, and ship it
to arrive early in the fall; and he bought up likewise in countries
round the Baltic great store of victual, and brought in two cargoes
to Irville on purpose for the parish, against the time of need,
making for the occasion a garnel of one of the warehouses of the
cotton-mill.

The event came to pass as had been foretold:  the harvest fell
short, and Mr Cayenne's cargoes from America and the Baltic came
home in due season, by which he made a terrible power of money,
clearing thousands on thousands by post after post--making more
profit, as he said himself, in the course of one month, he believed,
than ever was made by any individual within the kingdom of Scotland
in the course of a year.--He said, however that he might have made
more if he had bought up the corn at home; but being convinced by us
that there would be a scarcity, he thought it his duty as an honest
man to draw from the stores and granaries of foreign countries, by
which he was sure he would serve his country, and be abundantly
rewarded.  In short, we all reckoned him another Joseph when he
opened his garnels at the cotton-mill, and, after distributing a
liberal portion to the poor and needy, selling the remainder at an
easy rate to the generality of the people.  Some of the neighbouring
parishes, however, were angry that he would not serve them likewise,
and called him a wicked and extortionate forestaller; but he made it
plain to the meanest capacity, that if he did not circumscribe his
dispensation to our own bounds it would be as nothing.  So that,
although he brought a wonderful prosperity in by the cotton-mill,
and a plenteous supply of corn in a time of famine, doing more in
these things for the people than all the other heritors had done
from the beginning of time, he was much reviled; even his bounty was
little esteemed by my people, because he took a moderate profit on
what he sold to them.  Perhaps, however, these prejudices might be
partly owing to their dislike of his hasty temper, at least I am
willing to think so; for it would grieve me if they were really
ungrateful for a benefit that made the pressure of the time lie but
lightly on them.

The alarm of the Irish rebellion in this year was likewise another
source of affliction to us; for many of the gentry coming over in
great straits, especially ladies and their children, and some of
them in the hurry of their flight having but little ready money,
were very ill off.  Some four or five families came to the Cross-
Keys in this situation, and the conduct of Mr Cayenne to them was
most exemplary.  He remembered his own haste with his family from
Virginia, when the Americans rebelled; and immediately on hearing of
these Irish refugees, he waited on them with his wife and daughter,
supplied them with money, invited them to his house, made ploys to
keep up their spirits, while the other gentry stood back till they
knew something of the strangers.

Among these destitute ladies was a Mrs Desmond and her two
daughters, a woman of most august presence, being indeed more like
one ordained to reign over a kingdom, than for household purposes.
The Miss Desmonds were only entering their teens, but they also had
no ordinary stamp upon them.  What made this party the more
particular, was on account of Mr Desmond, who was supposed to be a
united man with the rebels, and it was known his son was deep in
their plots; yet although this was all told to Mr Cayenne, by some
of the other Irish ladies who were of the loyal connexion, it made
no difference with him, but, on the contrary, he acted as if he
thought the Desmonds the most of all the refugees entitled to his
hospitable civilities.  This was a wonderment to our strait-laced
narrow lairds, as there was not a man of such strict government
principles in the whole country side as Mr Cayenne:  but he said he
carried his political principles only to the camp and the council.
"To the hospital and the prison," said he, "I take those of a man"--
which was almost a Christian doctrine, and from that declaration Mr
Cayenne and me began again to draw a little more cordially together;
although he had still a very imperfect sense of religion, which I
attributed to his being born in America, where even as yet, I am
told, they have but a scanty sprinkling of grace.

But before concluding this year, I should tell the upshot of the
visitation of the Irish, although it did not take place until some
time after the peace with France.

In the putting down of the rebels Mr Desmond and his son made their
escape to Paris, where they stayed till the treaty was signed, by
which, for several years after the return to Ireland of the grand
lady and her daughters, as Mrs Desmond was called by our commonalty,
we heard nothing of them.  The other refugees repaid Mr Cayenne his
money with thankfulness, and, on their restoration to their homes,
could not sufficiently express their sense of his kindness.  But the
silence and seeming ingratitude of the Desmonds vexed him; and he
could not abide to hear the Irish rebellion mentioned without flying
into a passion against the rebels, which every body knew was owing
to the ill return he had received from that family.  However, one
afternoon, just about half an hour before his wonted dinner hour, a
grand equipage, with four horses and outriders, stopped at his door,
and who was in it but Mrs Desmond and an elderly man, and a young
gentleman with an aspect like a lord.  It was her husband and son.
They had come from Ireland in all their state on purpose to repay
with interest the money Mr Cayenne had counted so long lost, and to
express in person the perpetual obligation which he had conferred
upon the Desmond family, in all time coming.  The lady then told
him, that she had been so straitened in helping the poor ladies,
that it was not in her power to make repayment till Desmond, as she
called her husband, came home; and not choosing to assign the true
reason, lest it might cause trouble, she rather submitted to be
suspected of ingratitude than to an improper thing.

Mr Cayenne was transported with this unexpected return, and a
friendship grew up between the families, which was afterwards
cemented into relationship by the marriage of the young Desmond with
Miss Caroline Cayenne.  Some in the parish objected to this match,
Mrs Desmond being a papist:  but as Miss Caroline had received an
episcopalian education, I thought it of no consequence, and married
them after their family chaplain from Ireland, as a young couple
both by beauty and fortune well matched, and deserving of all
conjugal felicity.



CHAPTER XL  YEAR 1799



There are but two things to make me remember this year; the first
was the marriage of my daughter Janet with the reverend Dr.
Kittlewood of Swappington, a match in every way commendable; and on
the advice of the third Mrs Balwhidder, I settled a thousand pounds
down, and promised five hundred more at my death if I died before my
spouse, and a thousand at her death if she survived me; which was
the greatest portion ever minister's daughter had in our country
side.  In this year likewise I advanced fifteen hundred pounds for
my son in a concern in Glasgow,--all was the gathering of that
indefatigable engine of industry the second Mrs Balwhidder, whose
talents her successor said were a wonder, when she considered the
circumstances in which I had been left at her death, and made out of
a narrow stipend.

The other memorable was the death of Mrs Malcolm.  If ever there was
a saint on this earth, she was surely one.  She had been for some
time bedfast, having all her days from the date of her widowhood
been a tender woman; but no change made any alteration on the
Christian contentment of her mind.  She bore adversity with an
honest pride; she toiled in the day of penury and affliction with
thankfulness for her earnings, although ever so little.  She bent
her head to the Lord in resignation when her first-born fell in
battle; nor was she puffed up with vanity when her daughters were
married, as it was said, so far above their degree, though they
showed it was but into their proper sphere by their demeanour after.
She lived to see her second son, the captain, rise into affluence,
married, and with a thriving young family; and she had the very
great satisfaction, on the last day she was able to go to church, to
see her youngest son the clergyman standing in my pulpit, a doctor
of divinity, and the placed minister of a richer parish than mine.
Well indeed might she have said on that day, "Lord, let thy servant
depart in peace, for mine eyes have seen thy salvation."

For some time it had been manifest to all who saw her, that her
latter end was drawing nigh; and therefore, as I had kept up a
correspondence with her daughters, Mrs Macadam and Mrs Howard, I
wrote them a particular account of her case, which brought them to
the clachan.  They both came in their own carriages; for Colonel
Macadam was now a general, and had succeeded to a great property by
an English uncle, his mother's brother; and Captain Howard, by the
death of his father, was also a man, as it was said, with a lord's
living.  Robert Malcolm, her son the captain, was in the West Indies
at the time; but his wife came on the first summons, as did William
the minister.

They all arrived about four o'clock in the afternoon, and at seven a
message came for me and Mrs Balwhidder to go over to them, which we
did, and found the strangers seated by the heavenly patient's
bedside.  On my entering, she turned her eyes towards me, and said,
"Bear witness, sir, that I die thankful for an extraordinary portion
of temporal mercies.  The heart of my youth was withered like the
leaf that is scared with the lightning; but in my children I have
received a great indemnification for the sorrows of that trial."
She then requested me to pray, saying, "No; let it be a
thanksgiving.  My term is out, and I have nothing more to hope or
fear from the good or evil of this world.  But I have had much to
make me grateful; therefore, sir, return thanks for the time I have
been spared, for the goodness granted so long unto me, and the
gentle hand with which the way from this world is smoothed for my
passing."

There was something so sweet and consolatory in the way she said
this, that although it moved all present to tears, they were tears
without the wonted bitterness of grief.  Accordingly, I knelt down
and did as she had required, and there was a great stillness while I
prayed.  At the conclusion we looked to the bed, but the spirit had,
in the mean time, departed, and there was nothing remaining but the
clay tenement.

It was expected by the parish, considering the vast affluence of the
daughters, that there would have been a grand funeral, and Mrs
Howard thought it was necessary; but her sister, who had from her
youth upward a superior discernment of propriety, said, "No, as my
mother has lived, so shall be her end."  Accordingly, everybody of
any respect in the clachan was invited to the funeral; but none of
the gentry, saving only such as had been numbered among the
acquaintance of the deceased.  But Mr Cayenne came unbidden, saying
to me, that although he did not know Mrs Malcolm personally, he had
often heard she was an amiable woman, and therefore he thought it a
proper compliment to her family, who were out of the parish, to show
in what respect she was held among us; for he was a man that would
take his own way, and do what he thought was right, heedless alike
of blame or approbation.

If, however, the funeral was plain, though respectable, the ladies
distributed a liberal sum among the poor families; but before they
went away, a silent token of their mother's virtue came to light,
which was at once a source of sorrow and pleasure.  Mrs Malcolm was
first well provided by the Macadams, afterwards the Howards settled
on her an equal annuity, by which she spent her latter days in great
comfort.  Many a year before, she had repaid Provost Maitland the
money he sent her in the day of her utmost distress; and at this
period he was long dead, having died of a broken heart at the time
of his failure.  From that time his widow and her daughters had been
in very straitened circumstances; but unknown to all but herself,
and Him from whom nothing is hid, Mrs Malcolm from time to time had
sent them, in a blank letter, an occasional note to the young ladies
to buy a gown.  After her death, a bank-bill for a sum of money, her
own savings, was found in her scrutoire, with a note of her own
writing pinned to the same, stating, that the amount being more than
she had needed for herself, belonged of right to those who had so
generously provided for her; but as they were not in want of such a
trifle, it would be a token of respect to her memory, if they would
give the bill to Mrs Maitland and her daughters, which was done with
the most glad alacrity; and, in the doing of it, the private
kindness was brought to light.

Thus ended the history of Mrs Malcolm, as connected with our Parish
Annals.  Her house was sold, and is the same now inhabited by the
millwright, Mr Periffery; and a neat house it still is, for the
possessor is an Englishman, and the English have an uncommon taste
for snod houses and trim gardens; but at the time it was built,
there was not a better in the town, though it's now but of the
second class.  Yearly we hear both from Mrs Macadam and her sister,
with a five-pound note from each to the poor of the parish, as a
token of their remembrance; but they are far off, and, were any
thing ailing me, I suppose the gift will not be continued.  As for
Captain Malcolm, he has proved, in many ways, a friend to such of
our young men as have gone to sea.  He has now left it off himself,
and settled at London, where he latterly sailed from, and, I
understand, is in a great way as a shipowner.  These things I have
thought it fitting to record, and will now resume my historical
narration.



CHAPTER XLI  YEAR 1800



The same quietude and regularity that marked the progress of the
last year, continued throughout the whole of this.  We sowed and
reaped in tranquillity, though the sough of distant war came heavily
from a distance.  The cotton-mill did well for the company, and
there was a sobriety in the minds of the spinners and weavers, which
showed that the crisis of their political distemperature was over;--
there was something more of the old prudence in men's reflections;
and it was plain to see that the elements of reconciliation were
coming together throughout the world.  The conflagration of the
French Revolution was indeed not extinguished, but it was evidently
burning out; and their old reverence for the Grand Monarque was
beginning to revive among them, though they only called him a
consul.  Upon the king's fast I preached on this subject; and when
the peace was concluded, I got great credit for my foresight, but
there was no merit in't.  I had only lived longer than the most of
those around me, and had been all my days a close observer of the
signs of the times; so that what was lightly called prophecy and
prediction, were but a probability that experience had taught me to
discern.

In the affairs of the parish, the most remarkable generality (for we
had no particular catastrophe) was a great death of old people in
the spring.  Among others, Miss Sabrina, the school mistress, paid
the debt of nature, but we could now better spare her than we did
her predecessor; for at Cayenneville there was a broken
manufacturer's wife, an excellent teacher, and a genteel and
modernised woman, who took the better order of children; and Miss
Sabrina having been long frail (for she was never stout), a decent
and discreet carlin, Mrs M'Caffie, the widow of a custom-house
officer, that was a native of the parish, set up another for plainer
work.  Her opposition Miss Sabrina did not mind, but she was sorely
displeased at the interloping of Mrs Pirn at Cayenneville, and some
said it helped to kill her--of that, however, I am not so certain;
for Dr. Tanzey had told me in the winter, that he thought the sharp
winds in March would blow out her candle, as it was burnt to the
snuff; accordingly, she took her departure from this life, on the
twenty-fifth day of that month, after there had, for some days
prior, been a most cold and piercing east wind.

Miss Sabrina, who was always an oddity and aping grandeur, it was
found, had made a will, leaving her gatherings to her favourites,
with all regular formality.  To one she bequeathed a gown, to
another this, and a third that, and to me a pair of black silk
stockings.  I was amazed when I heard this; but judge what I felt,
when a pair of old marrowless stockings, darned in the heel, and not
whole enough in the legs to make a pair of mittens to Mrs
Balwhidder, were delivered to me by her executor, Mr Caption, the
lawyer.  Saving, however, this kind of flummery, Miss Sabrina was a
harmless creature, and could quote poetry in discourse more glibly
than texts of Scripture--her father having spared no pains on her
mind:  as for her body, it could not be mended; but that was not her
fault.

After her death, the session held a consultation, and we agreed to
give the same salary that Miss Sabrina enjoyed to Mrs M'Caffie,
which angered Mr Cayenne, who thought it should have been given to
the head mistress; and it made him give Mrs Pirn, out of his own
pocket, double the sum.  But we considered that the parish funds
were for the poor of the parish, and therefore it was our duty to
provide for the instruction of the poor children.  Saving,
therefore, those few notations, I have nothing further to say
concerning the topics and progress of this Ann. Dom.



CHAPTER XLII  YEAR 1801



It is often to me very curious food for meditation, that as the
parish increased in population, there should have been less cause
for matter to record.  Things that in former days would have
occasioned great discourse and cogitation, are forgotten with the
day in which they happen; and there is no longer that searching into
personalities which was so much in vogue during the first epoch of
my ministry, which I reckon the period before the American war; nor
has there been any such germinal changes among us, as those which
took place in the second epoch, counting backward from the building
of the cotton-mill that gave rise to the town of Cayenneville.  But
still we were not, even at this era, of which this Ann. Dom. is the
beginning, without occasional personality, or an event that deserved
to be called a germinal.

Some years before, I had noted among the callans at Mr Lorimore's
school a long soople laddie, who, like all bairns that grow fast and
tall, had but little smeddum.  He could not be called a dolt, for he
was observant and thoughtful, and giving to asking sagacious
questions; but there was a sleepiness about him, especially in the
kirk, and he gave, as the master said, but little application to his
lessons, so that folk thought he would turn out a sort of gaunt-at-
the-door, more mindful of meat than work.  He was, however, a good-
natured lad; and, when I was taking my solitary walks of meditation,
I sometimes fell in with him sitting alone on the brae by the water-
side, and sometimes lying on the grass, with his hands under his
head, on the sunny green knolls where Mr Cylinder, the English
engineer belonging to the cotton-work, has built the bonny house
that he calls Diryhill Cottage.  This was when Colin Mavis was a
laddie at the school, and when I spoke to him, I was surprised at
the discretion of his answers; so that gradually I began to think
and say, that there was more about Colin than the neighbours knew.
Nothing, however, for many a day, came out to his advantage; so that
his mother, who was by this time a widow woman, did not well know
what to do with him, and folk pitied her heavy handful of such a
droud.

By-and-by, however, it happened that one of the young clerks at the
cotton-mill shattered his right-hand thumb by a gun bursting; and,
being no longer able to write, was sent into the army to be an
ensign, which caused a vacancy in the office; and, through the help
of Mr Cayenne, I got Colin Mavis into the place, where, to the
surprise of everybody, he proved a wonderful eident and active lad,
and, from less to more, has come at the head of all the clerks, and
deep in the confidentials of his employers.  But although this was a
great satisfaction to me, and to the widow woman his mother, it
somehow was not so much so to the rest of the parish, who seemed, as
it were, angry that poor Colin had not proved himself such a dolt as
they had expected and foretold.

Among other ways that Colin had of spending his leisure, was that of
playing music on an instrument, in which it was said he made a
wonderful proficiency; but being long and thin, and of a delicate
habit of body, he was obligated to refrain from this recreation; so
he betook himself to books, and from reading he began to try
writing; but, as this was done in a corner, nobody jealoused what he
was about, till one evening in this year he came to the manse, and
asked a word in private with me.  I thought that perhaps he had
fallen in with a lass, and was come to consult me anent matrimony;
but when we were by ourselves, in my study, he took out of his
pocket a number of the Scots Magazine, and said, "Sir, you have been
long pleased to notice me more than any other body, and when I got
this, I could not refrain from bringing it, to let you see't.  Ye
maun ken, sir, that I have been long in secret given to trying my
hand at rhyme; and, wishing to ascertain what others thought of my
power in that way, I sent by the post twa three verses to the Scots
Magazine, and they have not only inserted them, but placed them in
the body of the book, in such a way that I kenna what to think."  So
I looked at the Magazine, and read his verses, which were certainly
very well-made verses for one who had no regular education.  But I
said to him, as the Greenock magistrates said to John Wilson, the
author of "Clyde," when they stipulated with him to give up the art,
that poem-making was a profane and unprofitable trade, and he would
do well to turn his talent to something of more solidity, which he
promised to do; but he has since put out a book, whereby he has
angered all those that had foretold he would be a do-nae-gude.  Thus
has our parish walked sidy for sidy with all the national
improvements, having an author of its own, and getting a literary
character in the ancient and famous republic of letters.



CHAPTER XLIII  YEAR 1802



"Experience teaches fools," was the first moral apothegm that I
wrote in small text, when learning to write at the school, and I
have ever since thought it was a very sensible reflection.  For
assuredly, as year after year has flown away on the swift wings of
time, I have found my experience mellowing, and my discernment
improving; by which I have, in the afternoon of life, been enabled
to foresee what kings and nations would do, by the symptoms
manifested within the bounds of the society around me.  Therefore,
at the beginning of the spring in this Ann. Dom., I had misgivings
at the heart, a fluttering in my thoughts, and altogether a strange
uneasiness as to the stability of the peace and harmony that was
supposed to be founded upon a steadfast foundation between us and
the French people.  What my fears principally took their rise from,
was a sort of compliancy, on the part of those in power and
authority, to cultivate the old relations and parts between them and
the commonalty.  It did not appear to me that this proceeded from
any known or decided event, for I read the papers at this period
daily; but from some general dread and fear, that was begotten, like
a vapour out of the fermentation of all sorts of opinions; most
people of any sagacity thinking that the state of things in France
being so much of an antic, poetical, and playactor-like guise, that
it would never obtain that respect, far less that reverence from the
world, which is necessary to the maintenance of all beneficial
government.  The consequence of this was a great distrust between
man and man, and an aching restlessness among those who had their
bread to bake in the world; persons possessing the power to provide
for their kindred, forcing them, as it were, down the throats of
those who were dependent on them in business, a bitter morsel.

But the pith of these remarks chiefly applies to the manufacturing
concerns of the new town of Cayenneville; for in the clachan we
lived in the lea of the dike, and were more taken up with our own
natural rural affairs, and the markets for victual, than the craft
of merchandise.  The only man interested in business, who walked in
a steady manner at his old pace, though he sometimes was seen, being
of a spunkie temper, grinding the teeth of vexation, was Mr Cayenne
himself.

One day, however, he came to me at the manse.  "Doctor," says he,
for so he always called me, "I want your advice.  I never choose to
trouble others with my private affairs; but there are times when the
word of an honest man may do good.  I need not tell you, that when I
declared myself a Royalist in America, it was at a considerable
sacrifice.  I have, however, nothing to complain of against
government on that score; but I think it damn'd hard that those
personal connexions, whose interests I preserved to the detriment of
my own, should in my old age make such an ungrateful return.  By the
steps I took prior to quitting America, I saved the property of a
great mercantile concern in London.  In return for that, they took a
share with me, and for me, in the cotton-mill; and being here on the
spot, as manager, I have both made and saved them money.  I have, no
doubt, bettered my own fortune in the mean time.  Would you believe
it, doctor, they have written a letter to me, saying that they wish
to provide for a relation, and requiring me to give up to him a
portion of my share in the concern--a pretty sort of providing this,
at another man's expense!  But I'll be damn'd if I do any such
thing!  If they want to provide for their friend, let them do so
from themselves, and not at my cost--What is your opinion?"

This appeared to me a very weighty concern, and, not being versed in
mercantile dealing, I did not well know what to say; but I reflected
for some time, and then I replied, "As far, Mr Cayenne, as my
observation has gone in this world, I think that the giffs and the
gaffs nearly balance one another; and when they do not, there is a
moral defect on the failing side.  If a man long gives his labour to
his employer, and is paid for that labour, it might be said that
both are equal; but I say no.  For it's in human nature to be prompt
to change; and the employer, having always more in his power than
his servant or agent, it seems to me a clear case, that in the
course of a number of years, the master of the old servant is the
obligated of the two; and therefore I say, in the first place, in
your case there is no tie or claim, by which you may, in a moral
sense, be called upon to submit to the dictates of your London
correspondents; but there is a reason, in the nature of the thing
and case, by which you may ask a favour from them--So, the advice I
would give you would be this:  write an answer to their letter, and
tell them that you have no objection to the taking in of a new
partner, but you think it would be proper to revise all the
copartnery, especially as you have, considering the manner in which
you have advanced the business, been of opinion, that your share
should be considerably enlarged."

I thought Mr Cayenne would have louped out of his skin with mirth at
this notion; and, being a prompt man, he sat down at my scrutoire,
and answered the letter which gave him so much uneasiness.  No
notice was taken of it for some time; but in the course of a month
he was informed, that it was not considered expedient at that time
to make any change in the company.  I thought the old man was gone
by himself when he got this letter.  He came over instantly in his
chariot, from the cotton-mill office to the manse, and swore an
oath, by some dreadful name, that I was a Solomon.  However, I only
mention this to show how experience had instructed me, and as a
sample of that sinister provisioning of friends that was going on in
the world at this time--all owing, as I do verily believe, to the
uncertain state of governments and national affairs.

Besides these generalities, I observed another thing working to
effect--mankind read more, and the spirit of reflection and
reasoning was more awake than at any time within my remembrance.
Not only was there a handsome bookseller's shop in Cayenneville,
with a London newspaper daily, but magazines, and reviews, and other
new publications.

Till this year, when a chaise was wanted we had to send to Irville;
but Mr Toddy of the Cross-Keys being in at Glasgow, he bought an
excellent one at the second-hand, a portion of the effects of a
broken merchant, by which, from that period, we had one of our own,
and it proved a great convenience; for I, who never but twice in my
life before hired that kind of commodity, had it thrice during the
summer, for a bit jaunt with Mrs Balwhidder to divers places and
curiosities in the county that I had not seen before, by which our
ideas were greatly enlarged; indeed, I have always had a partiality
for travelling, as one of the best means of opening the faculty of
the mind, and giving clear and correct notions of men and things.



CHAPTER XLIV  YEAR 1803



During the tempestuous times that ensued, from the death of the King
of France by the hands of the executioner in 1793, there had been a
political schism among my people that often made me very uneasy.
The folk belonging to the cotton-mill, and the muslin-weavers in
Cayenneville, were afflicted with the itch of jacobinism, but those
of the village were stanch and true to king and country; and some of
the heritors were desirous to make volunteers of the young men of
them, in case of anything like the French anarchy and confusion
rising on the side of the manufacturers.  I, however, set myself, at
that time, against this, for I foresaw that the French business was
but a fever which would soon pass off; but no man could tell the
consequence of putting arms in the hands of neighbour against
neighbour, though it was but in the way of policy.

But when Bonaparte gathered his host fornent the English coast, and
the government at London were in terror of their lives for an
invasion, all in the country saw that there was danger, and I was
not backward in sounding the trumpet to battle.  For a time,
however, there was a diffidence among us somewhere.  The gentry had
a distrust of the manufacturers, and the farming lads were wud with
impatience, that those who should be their leaders would not come
forth.  I, knowing this, prepared a sermon suitable to the occasion,
giving out from the pulpit myself, the Sabbath before preaching it,
that it was my intent, on the next Lord's day, to deliver a
religious and political exhortation on the present posture of public
affairs.  This drew a vast congregation of all ranks.

I trow that the stoor had no peace in the stuffing of the pulpit in
that day; and the effect was very great and speedy:  for next
morning the weavers and cotton-mill folk held a meeting, and they,
being skilled in the ways of committees and associating together,
had certain resolutions prepared, by which a select few was
appointed to take an enrolment of all willing in the parish to serve
as volunteers in defence of their king and country, and to concert
with certain gentlemen named therein, about the formation of a
corps, of which, it was an understood thing, the said gentlemen were
to be the officers.  The whole of this business was managed with the
height of discretion; and the weavers, and spinners, and farming
lads, vied with one another who should be first on the list.  But
that which the most surprised me, was the wonderful sagacity of the
committee in naming the gentlemen that should be the officers.  I
could not have made a better choice myself; for they were the best
built, the best bred, and the best natured, in the parish.  In
short, when I saw the bravery that was in my people, and the spirit
of wisdom by which it was directed, I said in my heart, the Lord of
Hosts is with us, and the adversary shall not prevail.

The number of valiant men which at that time placed themselves
around the banners of their country was so great, that the
government would not accept of all who offered; so, like as in other
parishes, we were obligated to make a selection, which was likewise
done in a most judicious manner, all men above a certain age being
reserved for the defence of the parish, in the day when the young
might be called to England to fight the enemy.

When the corps was formed, and the officers named, they made me
their chaplain, and Dr. Marigold their doctor.  He was a little man
with a big belly, and was as crouse as a bantam cock; but it was not
thought he could do so well in field exercises, on which account he
was made the doctor, although he had no repute in that capacity in
comparison with Dr. Tanzey, who was not, however, liked, being a
stiff-mannered man, with a sharp temper.

All things having come to a proper head, the young ladies of the
parish resolved to present the corps with a stand of colours, which
they embroidered themselves, and a day was fixed for the
presentation of the same.  Never was such a day seen in Dalmailing.
The sun shone brightly on that scene of bravery and grandeur, and
far and near the country folk came flocking in; and we had the
regimental band of music hired from the soldiers that were in Ayr
barracks.  The very first sound o't made the hair on my old grey
head to prickle up, and my blood to rise and glow as if youth was
coming again into my veins.

Sir Hugh Montgomerie was the commandant; and he came in all the
glory of war, on his best horse, and marched at the head of the men
to the green-head.  The doctor and me were the rearguard:  not being
able, on account of my age and his fatness, to walk so fast as the
quick-step of the corps.  On the field, we took our place in front,
near Sir Hugh and the ladies with the colours; and after some
salutations, according to the fashion of the army, Sir Hugh made a
speech to the men, and then Miss Maria Montgomerie came forward,
with her sister Miss Eliza, and the other ladies, and the banners
were unfurled, all glittering with gold, and the king's arms in
needlework.  Miss Maria then made a speech, which she had got by
heart; but she was so agitated that it was said she forgot the best
part of it:  however, it was very well considering.  When this was
done, I then stepped forward, and laying my hat on the ground, every
man and boy taking off theirs, I said a prayer, which I had conned
most carefully, and which I thought the most suitable I could
devise, in unison with Christian principles, which are averse to the
shedding of blood; and I particularly dwelt upon some of the
specialities of our situation.

When I had concluded, the volunteers gave three great shouts, and
the multitude answered them to the same tune, and all the
instruments of music sounded, making such a bruit as could not be
surpassed for grandeur--a long, and very circumstantial account of
all which, may be read in the newspapers of that time.

The volunteers, at the word of command, then showed us the way they
were to fight with the French, in the doing of which a sad disaster
happened; for when they were charging bayonets, they came towards us
like a flood, and all the spectators ran; and I ran, and the doctor
ran; but being laden with his belly, he could not run fast enough,
so he lay down, and being just before me at the time, I tumbled over
him, and such a shout of laughter shook the field as was never
heard.

When the fatigues of the day were at an end, we marched to the
cotton-mill, where, in one of the ware-houses, a vast table was
spread, and a dinner, prepared at Mr Cayenne's own expense, sent in
from the Cross-Keys, and the whole corps, with many of the gentry of
the neighbourhood, dined with great jollity, the band of music
playing beautiful airs all the time.  At night there was a universal
dance, gentle and semple mingled together.  All which made it plain
to me, that the Lord, by this unison of spirit, had decreed our
national preservation; but I kept this in my own breast, lest it
might have the effect to relax the vigilance of the kingdom.  And I
should note that Colin Mavis, the poetical lad, of whom I have
spoken in another part, made a song for this occasion that was very
mightily thought of, having in it a nerve of valiant genius, that
kindled the very souls of those that heard it.



CHAPTER XLV  YEAR 1804



In conformity with the altered fashions of the age, in this year the
session came to an understanding with me, that we should not inflict
the common church censures for such as made themselves liable
thereto; but we did not formally promulge our resolution as to this,
wishing as long as possible to keep the deterring rod over the heads
of the young and thoughtless.  Our motive, on the one hand, was the
disregard of the manufacturers in Cayenneville, who were, without
the breach of truth, an irreligious people; and, on the other, a
desire to preserve the ancient and wholesome admonitory and
censorian jurisdiction of the minister and elders.  We therefore
laid it down as a rule to ourselves, that, in the case of
transgressions on the part of the inhabitants of the new district of
Cayenneville, we should subject them rigorously to a fine; but that
for the farming-lads, we would put it in their option to pay the
fine, or stand in the kirk.

We conformed also in another matter to the times, by consenting to
baptize occasionally in private houses.  Hitherto it had been a
strict rule with me only to baptize from the pulpit.  Other
parishes, however, had long been in the practice of this relaxation
of ancient discipline.

But all this on my part, was not done without compunction of spirit;
for I was of opinion, that the principle of Presbyterian integrity
should have been maintained to the uttermost.  Seeing, however, the
elders set on an alteration, I distrusted my own judgment, and
yielded myself to the considerations that weighed with them; for
they were true men, and of a godly honesty, and took the part of the
poor in all contentions with the heritors, often to the hazard and
damage of their own temporal welfare.

I have now to note a curious thing, not on account of its
importance, but to show to what lengths a correspondence had been
opened in the parish with the farthest parts of the earth.  Mr
Cayenne got a turtle-fish sent to him from a Glasgow merchant, and
it was living when it came to the Wheatrig House, and was one of the
most remarkable beasts that had ever been seen in our country side.
It weighed as much as a well-fed calf, and had three kinds of meat
in its body, fish, flesh, and fowl, and it had four water-wings, for
they could not be properly called fins; but what was little short of
a miracle about the creature, happened after the head was cutted
off, when, if a finger was offered to it, it would open its mouth
and snap at it, and all this after the carcass was divided for
dressing.

Mr Cayenne made a feast on the occasion to many of the neighbouring
gentry, to the which I was invited; and we drank lime-punch as we
ate the turtle, which, as I understand, is the fashion in practice
among the Glasgow West Indy merchants, who are famed as great hands
with turtles and lime-punch.  But it is a sort of food that I should
not like to fare long upon.  I was not right the next day; and I
have heard it said, that when eaten too often, it has a tendency to
harden the heart and make it crave for greater luxuries.

But the story of the turtle is nothing to that of the Mass, which,
with all its mummeries and abominations, was brought into
Cayenneville by an Irish priest of the name of Father O'Grady, who
was confessor to some of the poor deluded Irish labourers about the
new houses and the cotton-mill.  How he had the impudence to set up
that memento of Satan, the crucifix, within my parish and
jurisdiction, was what I never could get to the bottom of; but the
soul was shaken within me, when, on the Monday after, one of the
elders came to the manse, and told me that the old dragon of Popery,
with its seven heads and ten horns, had been triumphing in
Cayenneville on the foregoing Lord's day!  I lost no time in
convening the session to see what was to be done; much, however, to
my surprise, the elders recommended no step to be taken, but only a
zealous endeavour to greater Christian excellence on our part, by
which we should put the beast and his worshippers to shame and
flight.  I am free to confess, that, at the time, I did not think
this the wisest counsel which they might have given; for, in the
heat of my alarm, I was for attacking the enemy in his camp.  But
they prudently observed, that the days of religious persecution were
past, and it was a comfort to see mankind cherishing any sense of
religion at all, after the vehement infidelity that had been sent
abroad by the French Republicans; and to this opinion, now that I
have had years to sift its wisdom, I own myself a convert and
proselyte.

Fortunately, however, for my peace of mind, there proved to be but
five Roman Catholics in Cayenneville; and Father O'Grady not being
able to make a living there, packed up his Virgin Marys, saints, and
painted Agneses in a portmanteau, and went off in the Ayr fly one
morning for Glasgow, where I hear he has since met with all the
encouragement that might be expected from the ignorant and
idolatrous inhabitants of that great city.

Scarcely were we well rid of Father O'Grady, when another interloper
entered the parish.  He was more dangerous, in the opinion of the
session, than even the Pope of Rome himself; for he came to teach
the flagrant heresy of Universal Redemption, a most consolatory
doctrine to the sinner that is loth to repent, and who loves to
troll his iniquity like a sweet morsel under his tongue.  Mr Martin
Siftwell, who was the last ta'en on elder, and who had received a
liberal and judicious education, and was, moreover, naturally
possessed of a quick penetration, observed, in speaking of this new
doctrine, that the grossest papist sinner might have some qualms of
fear after he had bought the Pope's pardon, and might thereby be led
to a reformation of life; but that the doctrine of universal
redemption was a bribe to commit sin, the wickedest mortal,
according to it, being only liable to a few thousand years, more or
less, of suffering, which, compared with eternity, was but a
momentary pang, like having a tooth drawn for the toothache.  Mr
Siftwell is a shrewd and clear-seeing man in points of theology, and
I would trust a great deal to what he says, as I have not, at my
advanced age, such a mind for the kittle crudities of polemical
investigation that I had in my younger years, especially when I was
a student in the Divinity Hall of Glasgow.

It will be seen from all I have herein recorded, that, in the course
of this year, there was a general resuscitation of religious
sentiments; for what happened in my parish was but a type and index
to the rest of the world.  We had, however, one memorable that must
stand by itself; for although neither death nor bloodshed happened,
yet was it cause of the fear of both.

A rumour reached us from the Clyde, that a French man-of-war had
appeared in a Highland loch, and that all the Greenock volunteers
had embarked in merchant vessels to bring her in for a prize.  Our
volunteers were just jumping and yowling, like chained dogs, to be
at her too; but the colonel, Sir Hugh, would do nothing without
orders from his superiors.  Mr Cayenne, though an aged man above
seventy, was as bold as a lion, and came forth in the old garb of an
American huntsman, like, as I was told, a Robin Hood in the play is;
and it was just a sport to see him, feckless man, trying to march so
crousely with his lean, shaking hands.  But the whole affair proved
a false alarm, and our men, when they heard it, were as well pleased
that they had been constrained to sleep in their warm beds at home,
instead of lying on coils of cables, like the gallant Greenock
sharp-shooters.



CHAPTER XLVI  YEAR 1805



For some time I had meditated a reformation in the parish, and this
year I carried the same into effect.  I had often noticed with
concern, that, out of a mistaken notion of paying respect to the
dead, my people were wont to go to great lengths at their burials,
and dealt round short-bread and sugar-biscuit, with wine and other
confections, as if there had been no ha'd in their hands; which
straitened many a poor family, making the dispensation of the Lord a
heavier temporal calamity than it should naturally have been.
Accordingly, on consulting with Mrs Balwhidder, who has a most
judicious judgment, it was thought that my interference would go a
great way to lighten the evil.  I therefore advised with those whose
friends were taken from them, not to make that amplitude of
preparation which used to be the fashion, nor to continue handing
about as long as the folk would take, but only at the very most to
go no more than three times round with the service.  Objections were
made to this, as if it would be thought mean; but I put on a stern
visage, and told them, that if they did more I would rise up, and
rebuke and forbid the extravagance.  So three services became the
uttermost modicum at all burials.  This was doing much, but it was
not all that I wished to do.

I considered that the best reformations are those which proceed step
by step, and stop at that point where the consent to what has been
established becomes general; and so I governed myself, and therefore
interfered no farther; but I was determined to set an example.
Accordingly, at the very next dregy, after I partook of one service,
I made a bow to the servitors and they passed on, but all before me
had partaken of the second service; some, however, of those after me
did as I did, so I foresaw that in a quiet canny way I would bring
in the fashion of being satisfied with one service.  I therefore,
from that time, always took my place as near as possible to the
door, where the chief mourner sat, and made a point of nodding away
the second service, which has now grown into a custom, to the great
advantage of surviving relations.

But in this reforming business I was not altogether pleased with our
poet; for he took a pawkie view of my endeavours, and indited a
ballad on the subject, in the which he makes a clattering carlin
describe what took place, so as to turn a very solemn matter into a
kind of derision.  When he brought his verse and read it to me, I
told him that I thought it was overly natural; for I could not find
another term to designate the cause of the dissatisfaction that I
had with it; but Mrs Balwhidder said that it might help my plan if
it were made public; so upon her advice we got some of Mr Lorimore's
best writers to make copies of it for distribution, which was not
without fruit and influence.  But a sore thing happened at the very
next burial.  As soon as the nodding away of the second service
began, I could see that the gravity of the whole meeting was
discomposed; and some of the irreverent young chiels almost broke
out into even-down laughter, which vexed me exceedingly.  Mrs
Balwhidder, howsoever, comforted me by saying, that custom in time
would make it familiar, and by-and-by the thing would pass as a
matter of course, until one service would be all that folk would
offer; and truly the thing is coming to that, for only two services
are now handed round, and the second is regularly nodded by.



CHAPTER XLVII  YEAR 1806



Mr Cayenne of Wheatrig having for several years been in a declining
way, partly brought on by the consuming fire of his furious passion,
and partly by the decay of old age, sent for me on the evening of
the first Sabbath of March in this year.  I was surprised at the
message, and went to the Wheatrig House directly, where, by the
lights in the windows as I gaed up through the policy to the door, I
saw something extraordinary was going on.  Sambo, the blackamoor
servant, opened the door, and, without speaking, shook his head; for
it was an affectionate creature, and as fond of his master as if he
had been his own father.  By this sign I guessed that the old
gentleman was thought to be drawing near his latter end; so I walked
softly after Sambo up the stair, and was shown into the chamber
where Mr Cayenne, since he had been confined to the house, usually
sat.  His wife had been dead some years before.

Mr Cayenne was sitting in his easy chair, with a white cotton
nightcap on his head, and a pillow at his shoulders to keep him
straight.  But his head had fallen down on his breast, and he
breathed like a panting baby.  His legs were swelled, and his feet
rested on a footstool.  His face, which was wont to be the colour of
a peony rose, was of a yellow hue, with a patch of red on each cheek
like a wafer; and his nose was shirpit and sharp, and of an
unnatural purple.  Death was evidently fighting with nature for the
possession of the body.  "Heaven have mercy on his soul!" said I to
myself, as I sat down beside him.

When I had been seated some time, the power was given him to raise
his head as it were a-jee; and he looked at me with the tail of his
eye, which I saw was glittering and glassy.  "Doctor," for he always
called me doctor, though I am not of that degree, "I am glad to see
you," were his words, uttered with some difficulty.

"How do you find yourself, sir?" I replied, in a sympathising
manner.

"Damned bad," said he, as if I had been the cause of his suffering.
I was daunted to the very heart to hear him in such an unregenerate
state; but after a short pause I addressed myself to him again,
saying, that "I hoped he would soon be more at ease; and he should
bear in mind that the Lord chasteneth whom he loveth."

"The devil take such love!" was his awful answer, which was to me as
a blow on the forehead with a mell.  However, I was resolved to do
my duty to the miserable sinner, let him say what he would.
Accordingly, I stooped towards him with my hands on my knees, and
said in a compassionate voice, "It's very true, sir, that you are in
great agony; but the goodness of God is without bound."

"Curse me if I think so, doctor!" replied the dying uncircumcised
Philistine.  But he added at whiles, his breathlessness being
grievous, and often broken by a sore hiccup, "I am, however, no
saint, as you know, doctor; so I wish you to put in a word for me,
doctor; for you know that in these times, doctor, it is the duty of
every good subject to die a Christian."

This was a poor account of the state of his soul; but it was plain I
could make no better o't, by entering into any religious discourse
or controversy with him, he being then in the last gasp; so I knelt
down and prayed for him with great sincerity, imploring the Lord, as
an awakening sense of grace to the dying man, that it would please
him to lift up, though it were but for the season of a minute, the
chastening hand which was laid so heavily upon his aged servant; at
which Mr Cayenne, as if, indeed, the hand had been then lifted,
cried out, "None of that stuff, doctor; you know that I cannot call
myself his servant."

Was ever a minister in his prayer so broken in upon by a perishing
sinner!  However, I had the weight of a duty upon me, and made no
reply, but continued, "Thou hearest, O Lord, how he confesses his
unworthiness!  Let not thy compassion, therefore, be withheld, but
verify to him the words that I have spoken in faith, of the
boundlessness of thy goodness, and the infinite multitude of thy
tender mercies."  I then calmly, but sadly, sat down, and presently,
as if my prayer had been heard, relief was granted; for Mr Cayenne
raised his head, and giving me a queer look, said, "That last clause
of your petition, doctor, was well put, and I think, too, it has
been granted, for I am easier"--adding, "I have no doubt, doctor,
given much offence in the world, and oftenest when I meant to do
good; but I have wilfully injured no man; and as God is my judge,
and his goodness, you say, is so great, he may, perhaps, take my
soul into his holy keeping."  In saying which words, Mr Cayenne
dropped his head upon his breast, his breathing ceased, and he was
wafted away out of this world with as little trouble as a blameless
baby.

This event soon led to a change among us.  In the settling of Mr
Cayenne's affairs in the Cotton-mill Company, it was found that he
had left such a power of money, that it was needful to the concern,
in order that they might settle with the doers under his testament,
to take in other partners.  By this Mr Speckle came to be a resident
in the parish, he having taken up a portion of Mr Cayenne's share.
He likewise took a tack of the house and policy of Wheatrig.  But
although Mr Speckle was a far more conversible man than his
predecessor, and had a wonderful plausibility in business, the
affairs of the company did not thrive in his hands.  Some said this
was owing to his having owre many irons in the fire; others, to the
circumstances of the times:  in my judgment, however, both helped;
but the issue belongs to the events of another year.  In the
meanwhile, I should here note, that in the course of this current
Ann. Dom. it pleased Heaven to visit me with a severe trial; the
nature of which I will here record at length--the upshot I will make
known hereafter.

From the planting of inhabitants in the cotton-mill town of
Cayenneville, or as the country folk, not used to used to such lang-
nebbit words, now call it, Canaille, there had come in upon the
parish various sectarians among the weavers, some of whom were not
satisfied with the gospel as I preached it, and endeavoured to
practise it in my walk and conversation; and they began to speak of
building a kirk for themselves, and of getting a minster that would
give them the gospel more to their own ignorant fancies.  I was
exceedingly wroth and disturbed when the thing was first mentioned
to me; and I very earnestly, from the pulpit, next Lord's day,
lectured on the growth of newfangled doctrines; which, however,
instead of having the wonted effect of my discourses, set up the
theological weavers in a bleeze, and the very Monday following they
named a committee, to raise money by subscription to build a
meeting-house.  This was the first overt act of insubordination,
collectively manifested, in the parish; and it was conducted with
all that crafty dexterity with which the infidel and jacobin spirit
of the French Revolution had corrupted the honest simplicity of our
good old hameward fashions.  In the course of a very short time, the
Canaille folk had raised a large sum, and seduced not a few of my
people into their schism, by which they were enabled to set about
building their kirk; the foundations thereof were not, however, laid
till the following year, but their proceedings gave me a het heart,
for they were like an open rebellion to my authority, and a
contemptuous disregard of that religious allegiance which is due
from the flock to the pastor.

On Christmas-day the wind broke off the main arm of our Adam and Eve
pear-tree; and I grieved for it more as a type and sign of the
threatened partition, than on account of the damage, though the
fruit was the juiciest in all the country side.



CHAPTER XLVIII  YEAR 1807



This was a year to me of satisfaction in many points; for a greater
number of my younger flock married in it, than had done for any one
of ten years prior.  They were chiefly the offspring of the
marriages that took place at the close of the American war; and I
was pleased to see the duplification of well-doing, as I think
marrying is, having always considered the command to increase and
multiply, a holy ordinance, which the circumstances of this world
but too often interfere to prevent.

It was also made manifest to me, that in this year there was a very
general renewal in the hearts of men, of a sense of the utility,
even in earthly affairs, of a religious life:  in some, I trust it
was more than prudence, and really a birth of grace.  Whether this
was owing to the upshot of the French Revolution, all men being
pretty well satisfied in their minds, that uproar and rebellion make
but an ill way of righting wrongs, or that the swarm of unruly youth
the offspring, as I have said, of the marriages after the American
war, had grown sobered from their follies, and saw things in a
better light, I cannot take upon me to say.  But it was very
edifying to me, their minister, to see several lads who had been
both wild and free in their principles, marrying with sobriety, and
taking their wives to the kirk with the comely decorum of heads of
families.

But I was now growing old, and could go seldomer out among my people
than in former days; so that I was less a partaker of their ploys
and banquets, either at birth, bridal, or burial.  I heard, however,
all that went on at them, and I made it a rule, after giving the
blessing at the end of the ceremony, to admonish the bride and
bridegroom to ca' canny, and join trembling with their mirth.  It
behoved me on one occasion, however, to break through a rule that
age and frailty had imposed upon me, and to go to the wedding of
Tibby Banes, the daughter of the betheral, because she had once been
a servant in the manse, besides the obligation upon me, from her
father's part both in the kirk and kirkyard.  Mrs Balwhidder went
with me, for she liked to countenance the pleasantries of my people;
and, over and above all, it was a pay-wedding, in order to set up
the bridegroom in a shop.

There was, to be sure, a great multitude, gentle and semple, of all
denominations, with two fiddles and a bass, and the volunteers' fife
and drum; and the jollity that went on was a perfect feast of
itself, though the wedding-supper was a prodigy of abundance.  The
auld carles kecklet with fainness as they saw the young dancers; and
the carlins sat on forms, as mim as May puddocks, with their shawls
pinned apart, to show their muslin napkins.  But, after supper, when
they had got a glass of the punch, their heels showed their mettle,
and grannies danced with their oyes, holding out their hands as if
they had been spinning with two rocks.  I told Colin Mavis, the
poet, than an INFARE was a fine subject for his muse; and soon after
he indited an excellent ballad under that title, which he projects
to publish, with other ditties, by subscription; and I have no doubt
a liberal and discerning public will give him all manner of
encouragement, for that is the food of talent of every kind; and
without cheering, no one can say what an author's faculty naturally
is.



CHAPTER XLIX  YEAR 1808



Through all the wars that have raged from the time of the King's
accession to the throne, there has been a gradually coming nearer
and nearer to our gates, which is a very alarming thing to think of.
In the first, at the time he came to the crown, we suffered nothing.
Not one belonging to the parish was engaged in the battles thereof;
and the news of victories, before they reached us, which was
generally by word of mouth, were old tales.  In the American war, as
I have related at length, we had an immediate participation; but
those that suffered were only a few individuals, and the evil was
done at a distance, and reached us not until the worst of its
effects were spent.  And during the first term of the present just
and necessary contest for all that is dear to us as a people,
although, by the offswarming of some of our restless youth, we had
our part and portion in common with the rest of the Christian world;
yet still there was at home a great augmentation of prosperity, and
every thing had thriven in a surprising manner; somewhat, however,
to the detriment of our country simplicity.  By the building of the
cotton-mill, and the rising up of the new town of Cayenneville, we
had intromitted so much with concerns of trade, that we were become
a part of the great web of commercial reciprocities, and felt in our
corner and extremity, every touch or stir that was made on any part
of the texture.  The consequence of this I have now to relate.

Various rumours had been floating about the business of the cotton
manufacturers not being so lucrative as it had been; and Bonaparte,
as it is well known, was a perfect limb of Satan against our
prosperity, having recourse to the most wicked means and purposes to
bring ruin upon us as a nation.  His cantrips, in this year, began
to have a dreadful effect.

For some time it had been observed in the parish, that Mr Specle of
the cotton-mill, went very often to Glasgow, and was sometimes off
at a few minutes' warning to London; and the neighbours began to
guess and wonder at what could be the cause of all this running
here, and riding there, as if the little-gude was at his heels.
Sober folk augured ill o't; and it was remarked, likewise, that
there was a haste and confusion in his mind, which betokened a
foretaste of some change of fortune.  At last, in the fulness of
time, the babe was born.

On a Saturday night, Mr Speckle came out late from Glasgow; on the
Sabbath he was with all his family at the kirk, looking as a man
that had changed his way of life; and on the Monday, when the
spinners went to the mill, they were told that the company had
stopped payment.  Never did a thunder-clap daunt the heart like this
news; for the bread in a moment was snatched from more than a
thousand mouths.  It was a scene not to be described, to see the
cotton-spinners and the weavers, with their wives and children,
standing in bands along the road, all looking and speaking as if
they had lost a dear friend or parent.  For my part, I could not
bear the sight, but hid myself in my closet, and prayed to the Lord
to mitigate a calamity which seemed to me past the capacity of man
to remedy; for what could our parish fund do in the way of helping a
whole town, thus suddenly thrown out of bread?

In the evening, however, I was strengthened, and convened the elders
at the manse to consult with them on what was best to be done; for
it was well known that the sufferers had made no provision for a
sore foot.  But all our gathered judgments could determine nothing;
and therefore we resolved to wait the issue, not doubting but that
He who sends the night, would bring the day in His good and gracious
time, which so fell out.  Some of them who had the largest
experience of such vicissitudes, immediately began to pack up their
ends and their awls, and to hie them into Glasgow and Paisley in
quest of employ; but those who trusted to the hopes that Mr Speckle
himself still cherished, lingered long, and were obligated to submit
to sore distress.  After a time, however, it was found that the
company was ruined; and the mill being sold for the benefit of the
creditors, it was bought by another Glasgow company, who, by getting
a good bargain, and managing well, have it still, and have made it
again a blessing to the country.  At the time of the stoppage,
however, we saw that commercial prosperity, flush as it might be,
was but a perishable commodity, and from thence, both by public
discourse and private exhortation, I have recommended to the workmen
to lay up something for a reverse; and showed that, by doing with
their bawbees and pennies what the great do with their pounds, they
might in time get a pose to help them in the day of need.  This
advice they have followed, and made up a Savings Bank, which is a
pillow of comfort to many an industrious head of a family.

But I should not close this account of the disaster that befell Mr
Speckle, and the cotton-mill company, without relating a very
melancholy case that was the consequence.  Among the overseers there
was a Mr Dwining, an Englishman from Manchester, where he had seen
better days, having had himself there of his own property, once as
large a mill, according to report, as the Cayenneville mill.  He was
certainly a man above the common, and his wife was a lady in every
point; but they held themselves by themselves, and shunned all
manner of civility, giving up their whole attention to their two
little boys, who were really like creatures of a better race than
the callans of our clachan.

On the failure of the company, Mr Dwining was observed by those who
were present to be particularly distressed:  his salary being his
all; but he said little, and went thoughtfully home.  Some days
after he was seen walking by himself with a pale face, a heavy eye,
and slow step--all tokens of a sorrowful heart.  Soon after, he was
missed altogether; nobody saw him.  The door of his house was
however open, and his two pretty boys were as lively as usual, on
the green before the door.  I happened to pass when they were there,
and I asked them how their father and mother were.  They said they
were still in bed, and would not waken, and the innocent lambs took
me by the hand, to make me waken their parents.  I know not what was
in it, but I trembled from head to foot, and I was led in by the
babies, as if I had not the power to resist.  Never shall I forget
what I saw in that bed.

* * * * *

I found a letter on the table; and I came away, locking the door
behind me, and took the lovely prattling orphans home.  I could but
shake my head and weep, as I gave them to the care of Mrs
Balwhidder, and she was terrified but said nothing.  I then read the
letter.  It was to send the bairns to a gentleman, their uncle, in
London.  Oh! it is a terrible tale; but the winding-sheet and the
earth is over it.  I sent for two of my elders.  I related what I
had seen.  Two coffins were got, and the bodies laid in them; and
the next day, with one of the fatherless bairns in each hand, I
followed them to the grave, which was dug in that part of the
kirkyard where unchristened babies are laid.  We durst not take it
upon us to do more; but few knew the reason, and some thought it was
because the deceased were strangers, and had no regular lair.

I dressed the two bonny orphans in the best mourning at my own cost,
and kept them in the manse till we could get an answer from their
uncle, to whom I sent their father's letter.  It stung him to the
quick, and he came down all the way from London, and took the
children away himself.  Oh! he was a vexed man when the beautiful
bairns, on being told he was their uncle, ran into his arms, and
complained that their papa and mamma had slept so long, that they
would never waken.



CHAPTER L  YEAR 1809



As I come towards the events of these latter days, I am surprised to
find myself not at all so distinct in my recollection of them as in
those of the first of my ministry; being apt to confound the things
of one occasion with those of another, which Mrs Balwhidder says is
an admonishment to me to leave off my writing.  But, please God, I
will endeavour to fulfil this as I have through life tried, to the
best of my capacity, to do every other duty; and, with the help of
Mrs Balwhidder, who has a very clear understanding, I think I may
get through my task in a creditable manner, which is all I aspire
after; not writing for a vain world, but only to testify to
posterity anent the great changes that have happened in my day and
generation--a period which all the best-informed writers say, has
not had its match in the history of the world since the beginning of
time.

By the failure of the cotton-mill company, whose affairs were not
settled till the spring of this year, there was great suffering
during the winter; but my people, those that still adhered to the
establishment, bore their share of the dispensation with meekness
and patience, nor was there wanting edifying monuments of
resignation even among the stravaigers.

On the day that the Canaille Meeting-house was opened, which was in
the summer, I was smitten to the heart to see the empty seats that
were in my kirk; for all the thoughtless, and some that I had a
better opinion of, went to hear the opening discourse.  Satan that
day had power given to him to buffet me as he did Job of old; and
when I looked around and saw the empty seats, my corruption rose,
and I forgot myself in the remembering prayer; for when I prayed for
all denominations of Christians, and worshippers, and infidels, I
could not speak of the schismatics with patience, but entreated the
Lord to do with the hobleshow at Cayenneville, as he saw meet in his
displeasure, the which, when I came afterwards to think upon, I
grieved at with a sore contrition.

In the course of the week following, the elders, in a body, came to
me in the manse, and after much commendation of my godly ministry,
they said, that seeing I was now growing old, they thought they
could not testify their respect for me in a better manner than by
agreeing to get me a helper.  But I would not at that time listen to
such a proposal, for I felt no falling off in my powers of
preaching; on the contrary, I found myself growing better at it, as
I was enabled to hold forth, in an easy manner, often a whole half
hour longer, than I could do a dozen years before.  Therefore
nothing was done in this year anent my resignation; but during the
winter, Mrs Balwhidder was often grieved, in the bad weather, that I
should preach, and, in short, so worked upon my affections, that I
began to think it was fitting for me to comply with the advice of my
friends.  Accordingly, in the course of the winter, the elders began
to cast about for a helper; and during the bleak weather in the
ensuing spring, several young men spared me from the necessity of
preaching.  But this relates to the concerns of the next and last
year of my ministry.  So I will now proceed to give an account of
it, very thankful that I have been permitted, in unmolested
tranquillity, to bring my history to such a point.



CHAPTER LI  YEAR 1810



My tasks are all near a close; and in writing this final record of
my ministry, the very sound of my pen admonishes me that my life is
a burden on the back of flying Time, that he will soon be obliged to
lay down in his great storehouse--the grave.  Old age has, indeed,
long warned me to prepare for rest; and the darkened windows of my
sight show that the night is coming on, while deafness, like a door
fast barred, has shut out all the pleasant sounds of this world, and
inclosed me, as it were, in a prison, even from the voices of my
friends.

I have lived longer than the common lot of man, and I have seen, in
my time, many mutations and turnings, and ups and downs,
notwithstanding the great spread that has been in our national
prosperity.  I have beheld them that were flourishing like the green
bay-trees, made desolate, and their branches scattered.  But, in my
own estate, I have had a large and liberal experience of goodness.

At the beginning of my ministry I was reviled and rejected; but my
honest endeavours to prove a faithful shepherd were blessed from on
high, and rewarded with the affection of my flock.  Perhaps, in the
vanity of doting old age, I thought in this there was a merit due to
myself, which made the Lord to send the chastisement of the Canaille
schism among my people; for I was then wroth without judgment, and
by my heat hastened into an open division the flaw that a more
considerate manner might have healed.  But I confess my fault, and
submit my cheek to the smiter; and now I see that the finger of
Wisdom was in that probation, and it was far better that the weavers
meddled with the things of God, which they could not change, than
with those of the King, which they could only harm.  In that matter,
however, I was like our gracious monarch in the American war; for
though I thereby lost the pastoral allegiance of a portion of my
people, in like manner as he did of his American subjects, yet,
after the separation, I was enabled so to deport myself, that they
showed me many voluntary testimonies of affectionate respect, and
which it would be a vain glory in me to rehearse here.  One thing I
must record, because it is as much to their honour as it is to mine.

When it was known that I was to preach my last sermon, every one of
those who had been my hearers, and who had seceded to the Canaille
meeting, made it a point that day to be in the parish kirk, and to
stand in the crowd, that made a lane of reverence for me to pass
from the kirk-door to the back-yett of the manse.  And shortly
after, a deputation of all their brethren, with their minister at
their head, came to me one morning, and presented to me a server of
silver, in token, as they were pleased to say, of their esteem for
my blameless life, and the charity that I had practised towards the
poor of all sects in the neighbourhood; which is set forth in a
well-penned inscription, written by a weaver lad that works for his
daily bread.  Such a thing would have been a prodigy at the
beginning of my ministry; but the progress of book-learning and
education has been wonderful since, and with it has come a spirit of
greater liberality than the world knew before, bringing men of
adverse principles and doctrines into a more humane communion with
each other; showing that it's by the mollifying influence of
knowledge the time will come to pass, when the tiger of papistry
shall lie down with the lamb of reformation, and the vultures of
prelacy be as harmless as the presbyterian doves; when the
independent, the anabaptist, and every other order and denomination
of Christians, not forgetting even those poor wee wrens of the Lord,
the burghers and anti-burghers, who will pick from the hand of
patronage, and dread no snare.

On the next Sunday, after my farewell discourse, I took the arm of
Mrs Balwhidder, and with my cane in my hand, walked to our own pew,
where I sat some time; but, owing to my deafness, not being able to
hear, I have not since gone back to the church.  But my people are
fond of having their weans still christened by me, and the young
folk, such as are of a serious turn, come to be married at my hands,
believing, as they say, that there is something good in the blessing
of an aged gospel minister.  But even this remnant of my gown I must
lay aside; for Mrs Balwhidder is now and then obliged to stop me in
my prayers, as I sometimes wander--pronouncing the baptismal
blessing upon a bride and bridegroom, talking as if they were
already parents.  I am thankful, however, that I have been spared
with a sound mind to write this book to the end; but it is my last
task, and, indeed, really I have no more to say, saving only to wish
a blessing on all people from on high, where I soon hope to be, and
to meet there all the old and long-departed sheep of my flock,
especially the first and second Mrs Balwhidders.



Footnotes:

{1}  Dreghorn, Ayrshire, two miles from Irvine.

{2}  Irvine, Ayrshire.

{3}  Cognac.





End of Project Gutenberg's Etext of The Annals of the Parish by John Galt